Congratulations to your first sober month! 
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What a hard thing to go through at 114 days. Im so sorry this devastating thing happened. I hope you and your family find comfort in each other and that you are all supported. 
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Thank you!!! 
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Morning Check In
Day 253
I am starting to see the effects of not having my mental health meds consistently. I did my best to space them out so that i sort of have something in my system but i can feel my thinking and emotions change. Its not unbareable right now but im having to put in twice the work to keep myself uplifted and positive and emotionally stable. I felt in such a funk when i woke up. It was awful 
i got my boy ready for the bus. Beautiful -4Ā°C weather today. Its just gorgeous out! That honestly lifted my mood. Im about to go get some exercise in and then attend my Bible Group. I already called the Dr and asked for a phone call appt. There was like a week wait to see her. So I explained my situation. The secretary messaged my Dr to see if she could squeeze me in for a phone call appt today. The secretary was wonderful. Then i can get my meds today. Itll be a lower dose and ill have to work up to it, but im okay with that. Other than that i have alot of cleaning to do. Maybe ill go for a walk also and get out in nature. We will see.
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
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Thank you
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Hi Dana,
Iām not feeling down except for the fact that Iāve been here at this place 100ās of times already. So Iām choosing to listen more today and talk a little less.
Iām really encouraged to see your relationship with God get to a higher level. I believe thatās a big key to your growth and development.
You know that Iāve been working on the same. Understanding that abiding with my higher power, Jesus Christ, has no other substitute. God has never cared about my sobriety. Thatās not what He wanted to fix in me. He cares about how well I was turning my life over to Him.
And by doing so, Iāve accepted His instruction to not entertain lust and fantasy. I admit that I never took this aspect of my recovery seriously enough. I hoped that by avoiding the porn, my lust and fantasy would drift away. But I was only fooling myself. I may have been avoiding porn and MB, but I was still getting drunk.
I understand that Iām filled with toxic shame, have a messed up perception of reality, and accept that porn does not have any value. But all of teaching Iāve received has not been accepted by my subconscious, my flesh. Itās like no matter what I try, my flesh is determined to do what the flesh is going to do. And so my only help is God. Iām learning to hold on to Him real tight now. Praying more than Iāve ever had in my life. Iāve stopped fantasizing (something that Iāve been guilty of doing for decades throughout my recovery path), Iāve stopped looking around to check out women. And if I donāt look, Iām not going to lust. And thus, Iām not craving. And by making God my master, I finally feel free.
And maybe Iām talking too much because I first intended to just keep listening to the wisdom of everyone around me.
But I appreciate you thinking of me, Dana. Thank you. 
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Day 23
Oh what a day 
Weāre going to have a very important Audit tomorrow and today we had to check EVERYTHING to be prepared.
The soup I had with me for lunch wasnāt enough, Iām so hungry 
It simply wasnāt enough time today to have multiple small meals as I should.
Iām feeling really good. In the past 6 months I felt anxious so often, I was afraid of so many things although I took medication to not feel anxious.
Most of this is gone now, and this feels so so so awesome 
My coworker gave me a butternut squash, she doesnāt like the taste. I love them! I already see it in the oven with some chicken drumsticks and potatoes 
Heading home now, maybe see you later
I hope youāre having a beautiful sober day 
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Checking in on day 50 (will hit the 5-0 when I lay when my head down sober tonight).
Started my day with the gym and have a work meeting in a bit. Currently enjoying some coffee. Hoping to take time to relax today and maybe get in a good walk if the rain lets up.
My mood seems better than itās been the last week or so, though still feeling a bit tired.
Hope everyone is doing well!
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Checking in 389 Days and counting 
Been for a lovely swim and oh my i forgot how lovely it is, tried changing to early evening swim so hoping to fall asleep around 9pm and actually feel tired.
Going to heat up some dinner and get a movie on before i have time to get into my own head !
Hope everyone is doing well i will catch up once im snuggled up in bed a bit later.
Cant wait to swim again tomorrowā¦ might even fo a fitness class before the swim really get back in to the flow of it.
Done a snall amount of gardening earlier preparing for the rainy cold weather too which i feel good about. Small steps forward are better than none.
Have a lovely day/evening which ever applies to you.
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Congratulations on your 30 ODAATās Cynthia 
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You will be done with it, soon. It really does get better.
I felt strange, sad, empty for a week or so. Now Iām at day 23 and life becomes colorful again. Those dark clouds will fade, believe me.
Is there anything nice you can do to make it less suck for you?
Hugs!
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Day 115 AF
I so appreciate all of the words of encouragement and prayers you guys have sent me. Thank you all so much!
Yesterday was heavy. My emotions came in waves, sometimes over the simplest of things. But my mom and I pulled out a ton of pictures and started looking through some of them. All of my family on my momās side was there so we all ended up digging into the pictures, relived some great memories and shared a lot of laughter.
Times like these remind me that I am truly blessed beyond measure with the family that I have. Everybody just shows up and loves on each other and takes care of each other. I am horrible about taking that blessing for granted and every time I lose somebody, I vow to do better. I have to this time. As corny and overused as this may be, life really is so short. Itās like a vaporā¦.here one minute, gone without a trace the next.
I still want to drink. But Iām counting hours today. Just finished up a half day at work and have some tidying up to do at my own house so Iām hopefully going to be busy for most of the day. I only have to make it 11 more hours without a drink. Iāll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
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Thank you Eric 
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Friggin Awesome!!! Congratulations 
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Sometimes one hour at a time is the way we got to do it. Especially in times of crisis like youāre going through now.
Weāre here for you Kristi.
Reach out anytime.
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I am soooo glad that you had a lovely swim and enjoyed it 
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Oh i did iv already booked in for tomorrow early evening. I actually thought of you on my way home after
I usually go early morning but i feel evening is better as right now i am sooo tired and its 8pm i feel good !! Hope your day has been good too
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Day 94 free from alcohol
Day 75 toxfree (relationships)
Day 11 regular eating
Alcohol
Almost 100 daysā¦ Wowā¦
I will be on holiday in December for 3 weeks,
turn of the yearā¦ in a nice place in spain!
I enjoyed this region several times before, and all that timesā¦ I was drinking!
And it is very common to drink wine in spanish restaurants or kioscosā¦This is my first time sober.
At the moment, I donāt worry too much, as they also have some special zero soft drinks, fresh juice, smoothies or special coffee for example, but i am sure there will be triggers.
I will live in a very cozy AirBnb,
so I am happy to have a safe space!
The good thing is, that Christmas and new years eve wonāt be that overloaded,
as I will be very active and in that region it is not that overcelebrated as in germany.
Toxic relationships
I felt free after closing the channel he opened last weekend, 0 contact againā¦
and I feel empowered that everything was right, also to quit with another friend (ex) too!
With these relationships, there is so much āfightāā¦ drama and negativity gone!
Yes I feel alone sometimesā¦
But itās empowering me, to manage my life absolutely alone atm!
Regular eating
Haha, give my best.
Didnāt set back counter, as I am not dentifying anything as a ābig crashā.
I was undereating since days. Had a good lunch on Saturday with mum. Yesterday I had chick pea sandwich, gnochi with spinach and bluecheese. Filling up batteries.
But then I felt guilty!
It was nothing special, bingy or unhealthyā¦
But i felt super guilty and still feel. 
Undereating whole day today,
Omlette with Haloumi for dinnerā¦
We will c. Most important thing to me is not to put too much pressure on me and my behaviors, no tight rules.
Will try to post in foodies Unitedā¦ 
Mostly I am not proud about my meals,
although they are healthy and looking nice.
But itās good to share what I eat.
I am proud if I am undereating. 
(or my addictive mind)
But that takes my strengthā¦ I want and need for sports and a clear mind.
Imperfect greetings ā¦ 
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Enjoy your way back to the routine.
Swimming makes us feel soo different.
Best therapy to me 
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