I am sorry you’re feeling this way, but thank you for sharing this. Thank you, too @SoberWalker. I have been feeling low mood and energy and today I just feel sad. I know my patterns with the weather shifting, even though I love aspects of the arrival of autumn, I can start feeling some melancholy. And being vulnerable can make the weight of the world feel heavier. Im going through the motions today, trying to be kind to myself, getting a bit of sunshine and fresh air, and so on. This will pass.
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@moonchild7994
I’m chiming in with other responses about sex and abstinence…
You don’t have to have sex when you don’t want to. One should never be forced or coerced to, even by him/herself.
I entered a relationship a long time ago where sex was demanded and expected from me. That was abuse but it was so subtle I didn’t realise it or wanted to admit it to myself.
I don’t know what your relationship is like with your bf. IMO, if he wants to have a relationship with you then I hope you could seek couples’ help how to go about with intimacy. If he only wants you to scratch his itch, then…
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Remember that pain thing I told y’all I used to just drink through? Yeah. It’s here. I’m trying not to panic. On a scale of 1-10 (9 being throwing up and fainting cause the pain is so Intense and a 10 being SI just to escape the agony) I’m at like a 6. And I am doing all the things I know to do that help. As I’ve had this my entire adult life I can function up to Ike a 7.5- 8. I mean it’s not great functioning but it’s still something. Anyhow this will be my first go around with this in YEARS where I’m not gonna drink through it. Please let this be an unusually easy month universe. Don’t kick my ass ok? I just gotta get home and stop moving around before It gets worse and maybe I can cut it off at the pass. 
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Thank you !!
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Day 1606.
I am feeling RESTLESS. Just really antsy and dissatisfied. Kinda like I wanna just go and have a big blowout. Except I don’t want to drink. Or do drugs. Or stay up late. Or leave the house tbh 
Got lots of busy stuff coming up so maybe there’s some overwhelm and avoidance in the mix. I cancelled a counselling session I had booked which tracks.
Trying not to focus on all the things I should be doing and just keep it simple. Be here now etc.
On paper life is fine, no major disasters on my personal immediate horizon and I am grateful for that.
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Checking in
Day 226
Thanks to my husband and his encouragement, i got out into nature. Thats where i am now, reflecting on things.
I started my day initally with a workout. Showered and began my cleaning. Vaccum died on me. Tried to fix it, clean it, whatever needed to be done. Couldnt get it to work. Called hubby. He said he would fix it later and suggested for me to grab an iced coffee and go to the huge park behind our building. So i did.
I am sitting here now on a bench in complete quiet, under the shade of beautiful fall trees right next to the river. Its beautiful here. So beautiful that it made me tear up. I sat here talking to God. Calming my mind. Memories flooding my mind of good times from my childhood. The smell of fall leaves always reminds me of my grandmas cottage. I miss that innocence of a child. I may have lost that along the way but ive gained so much more in recovery. Words cant even describe how much gratitude I have right now. That connection to God, to nature, to me in this moment. I actually have a connection to myself now. I took some pics and sent one to my hubby. I am learning to open up and be vulnerable. I told him how much i wish he was here and how much i love him. How much I want just him and me time (I love my son to pieces! But I do miss that time just with hubby). I dont want to be closed off and “hard” as if i dont need anyone (even tho that was my absolute fav saying in the problem). I needed this time to just connect. They say the opposite of addiction, is connection. I can understand that now. Connection to a HP, people, emotion, nature, and to self. I am just taking this ALL in lol i really wanted to share this with u all 
Just my thoughts right now. You have all been apart of my journey for years and I appreciate you all SO much!
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No advice but wanted to share my enormous amount of admiration for you and everyone who goes through chronic pain. Having had a relatively short term experience of intense fatigue through iron and various deficiencies, which isn’t at all the same, but kind of on the edge of chronic illness, the lack of understanding and support from society as a whole, medical professionals etc is really shit. And that’s on top of the pain!
I know there are others here with that experience and do develop sober coping mechanisms. It is so unfair that you have to. But for whatever they are worth I am sending you loads of virtual well wishes 
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So glad you are finding some calm and also that connection in your life! Wonderful 
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Big huge congrats @Dazercat ! 1000 days! So proud of you, so happy for you! Here is a nice sugar free cake for you! It is amazing what you have done for yourself by stopping drinking. Your old “usual” no longer happens and you have YOUR own new Usual! You are a big inspiration to everyone here and help so many! Celebrate you and your accomplishment! It is a Big Deal!
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Congratulations on 1000 days! Oh my, what a great achievement 
I hope I get there, too. Bravo 
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Checking in with 183 days 
I think tomorrow marks 6 months. Life feels good, enjoyed some lovely time with my family this long weekend just gone. Cooked for everyone which I love.
And I got an interview for that government role I applied for next week!! Yeehaw! The new job prospect scares the crap out of me and excites me all at once, so I know it’s a good thing. Growth and a challenge.
My friend invited me to a music event out in the wine valley this weekend, which I had to decline. There are tonnes of really great bands and musicians I’d like to see, and I would feel comfortable hanging with friends and enjoying it, but it’s out in the vineyards and in the sun, everyone will be drinking wine, and getting messy. I know I’m not quite there yet. Maybe in another 6 months. But at this point I’m protecting my sobriety like a newborn baby, because it gives me so much happiness and hope. And alcohol takes all that away from me.
I have to really keep telling myself that when the “fun” boozy times pop up, especially with the warm sunny weather approaching. Wine tours and summer pub sessions were definitely my thing, so I will avoid until I’m ready to attend without feeling left out or tempted.
Much love everyone, thanks for listening 
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Hello sober warriors. Checking in on day 474. I had to do a sleep study last night ordered by my psychiatrist. I have never done that before. It was not a pleasant night’s sleep hooked up to all those tubes and wires with tape and paste all over. At least the sleep tech I got was really nice. But I am quite tired today. I will be grateful for my own bed tonight.
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Day 612. Worked almost 70 hours this week… It’s a good thing I love my job, and I get paid by the hour. I recently started an Instagram surrounding sobriety, and it’s really helping me stay sober by posting things daily.
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@Dazercat…Congratulations!! 
It’s been a pleasure taking this journey with you. Thank you for being such a good friend and an inspiration.
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Evening check-in
Surgery went very well. Very little pain. I’ve just been groggy from the anesthesia and napping all day.
@Dazercat HAPPY 1000!!! What an inspiration! Hope you’ve enjoyed your day!
@Butterflymoonwoman Sounds like you had magical moment in nature today. And you SO deserve it! I hope and pray that you and your hubby so get some one-on-one quality time soon. When you said the opposite of addiction on connection, that hit home. That easily explains some of what I’m starting to experience in life, I just haven’t been able to put it into words. So thanks for that!
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Thanks for the commiseration.
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Wow Eric!!! I have no words honestly. I am amazed and sooo excited for you! This is an incredible milestone!! You have put in soo much for your recovery and it shows. Youre an incredible person that I am very honored to call my friend in recovery! Huge hugs Eric!
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