Im hard on myself. If i steer outside of my routine, i feel like Im not doing what i need to do to better myself. Its very black n white thinking tho. Bcuz in all reality, we cant always do every thing we want for ourselves every single day due to life obstacles or illness or situations getting in the way. So its a fine balance that i havent mastered yet lol
But yes u are also right in that we have that awareness now. Thats huge id say! Bcuz then we can do something about it.
I hope monday is a good day for both of us girl thank u for relating and posting. I related to ALOT of ur post hugs
day 228 of no self harm TW for mentions of suicide
long story short on October 28th 2017 I lost one of my best friends to suicide. he was 12 and I was 14. so damn young. I just have a really hard time around Halloween. I didnāt find out until Halloween. we were supposed to go trick or treating with a group of friends. I was like āhey whereās Dorian?ā and my friends had to break the news. my parents had restrictions on my phone and it blocked new numbers. so I never even got to see when i was texted the funeral info. I feel like I never got closure. I just miss him. I wish I knew what was going on at home. I wish I couldāve been a better friend. I didnāt know he was ever hurting. I know itās not my fault but as someone who has been there so many times I feel like I shouldāve known the signs but at the same time I also know how well I would hide the signs. it just really stings every year seeing everyone be so hyped for Halloween and all i can do is sulk and feel guilt.
I can relate too. I was always ontop of myself, checking myself, making sure all my behaviors were in check. Making sure I was praying, meditating, that everything was ārightā. It was only in the last few months that I came to realize this was my egos way of hijacking my spirituality. It was just a new and improved way of self obsession.
We have to learn to trust ourselves, that takes time. Yes there needs to be a solid routine in place first, but then trust and faith needs to see us through. We have to let go.
@Twizzlers you have to be one of the most amazing people Iāve ever known. Your kindness and compassion is amazing to me. You blow me away all the time and I am so happy that you are here with us. So freaking proud of your recovery and the person you are and are becoming. Wowā¦ much love and respect my friend thank you
Holy shit thatās deepā¦ Iām so sorry for your loss that I canāt even think of the right words to say thank you for sharing this with us we are always here for you. So freaking proud of you wow huge hugs my friend
Good evening all. Checking in on day 421. Was a pretty nice day out, wife and I just had a relaxing day, nice home cooked dinner and visited with her grandmother. Start work Monday so we will be on complete opposite sleep patterns so this will either make or break us I am guessing. The time apart will probably be useful and welcomed since weāve been together non stop since Covid. But it could be hard to get used to, glad it is four, ten hour shifts so have some more free time. Hope all is well with everyone and take care.
Same hear. We had a kind of Oktoberfest here and I walked the dog right next to a gathering of people including some of my friends. That hurts, but we all know how this would be en for me/us. Stay strong. You are doing fine for early recovering,
I had some of your mentioned problems this weekend. Really annoying reoccurring dreams about my addiction and trauma. I donāt now if this is something about stellar constellations (in which i donāt believe ) or whatever. It seems that many people have those problems at the moment.
Been okay, just kind of in an odd spot in my head right now. Iām not falling apart but i donāt feel great. Life itself is going pretty well really; i just canāt get a beat on where i am in it all right now.
Dusted off the art desk, sorted through a lot of excess junk supplies (broken pencils etc) and been working on my new art, plus dug out 2 totes full of old manga and art i did ranging from 6-14 years ago. It was fantastic reconnecting with that part of myself; Iād walled it off for so long. Iām also relearning Japanese.
Have had some great breakthroughs in therapy and communicated those things to some valuable people in my life. Itās not that Iām just not doing anything; I just donāt have a grounded feeling right now. Like Iām waiting for something and I donāt know what yet. Is this just, feeling normal lol? My meds did get adjusted a bit ago so maybe thatās it
Either way lifeās generally good, Iām happy to be sober and despite āgoing through itā with things sometimes, I know itās good in the end right now. Have a great evening all
So true. Some time ago I would have laughed about. But now I know that white knuckling doesnāt work over a longer period of time. One has to find something to fill the hole, which the addiction left.
Sunday morning here in the UK, and I ended up having a fantastic day yesterday. Parkrun in the morning which I really enjoyed, and then England v. Samoa in the opening game of the Rugby League World Cup. Itās my first sporting event since becoming sober, and Iād be lying if I didnāt initially find it difficult not to give in to temptation and buy myself a beer. In the past, a big part of going to sporting events has revolved around alcohol, but I gave myself a brief talking to & in the end, I managed ok. However, it can still be difficult when youāre sat watching the game, and 95% of the people around you are drinking beers!!
After the game, all I could think about was getting home, putting the log-burner on & making myself a warm tea. The prospect of even wanting a beer, or the thoughts I was having soon subsided. I was quite proud of myself, as ultimately, as much as I was looking forward to the day, I wasnāt sure how I was going to fare being around loads of people drinking alcohol prior to actually arriving to the event. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the game & it was great to be present & to be able to remember everything!
As much as I enjoyed my day off yesterday, itās back to normality for me today - work awaits later! Have a fantastic day everybody!
thank u for relating and posting. I related to ALOT of ur post hugs
thank you for sharing this with us we are always here for you. So freaking proud of you wow huge hugs my friend 
Have a fantastic day everybody!