@CATMANCAM i go through phases too of going often then not at all, small steps and as you mention i did breaststroke as i could have a relaxing swim and do a few bursts of freestyle until i build up my stamina.
My plan was just get into the water.
Your get back into it, theres no rush. I find the more pressure i put on myself to do something i dont end up doing it then i make myself feel really bad about it.
My aim at the moment as i havent been for a few weeks is to just get there once a week - usually this motivates me to go more but just once a week is my goal. I can admit too that i really am good at talking myself out of stuff
Your doing well and be fair to yourself you have had other pressing issues like your electric to sort out i hope its all sorted for you now ?
Day 19
Close to 3 weeks. I’ve had trouble sleeping the last few days. I haven’t been reading on here like I did for the first week.
I need to spend more time on here reading but at the moment it kinda counterproductive cause it makes me think about what I’m trying to avoid if that makes sense?
Congratulations to @KevinesKay for 40 and @PinkyP for 50. Keep up the good work! @Minatasha Sorry you had such a rough day. what are you watching on Netflix? Got on it last night and don’t know what to watch. There’s too much to choose from. @Thirdmonkey Awesome view, have fun! @Juli1 I’m glad you’re feeling better; you’re always so positive that i worry when you’re down. @Butterflymoonwoman I’m happy the ceremony went well for you. Really is liberating. Where is your post about it? @CATMANCAM I’m glad you’ve got power again. Hope your therapy goes well!
Well, the job is not yet 100% locked in. Whoever is spoke to earlier is not the same person my counselor spoke to. So I had to tell her about my mental issues and self sabotage. She seemed sympathetic, but said she’d have to talk to my former supervisor first. I deposited my last paycheck yesterday, and believe me Money+Anxiety=Relapse, so I’ve been feeling so tempted.
Also worried about my health. I have to walk up hill to get from there to the bus stop, and it used to be easy. See, I stayed at the homeless shelter long ago, and all their food is starch: potatoes, pasta, etc. So I gained a lot of weight. But I’ve been here a year and it isn’t coming off. I know a healthier diet would help (I used to be a great cook). I just hate that hollow, aching feeling when your body is crying out for nourishment and you give it vegetables instead. And I really miss hiking; I love nature and its healing effects.
Sorry to ramble. Have a great sober night friends!
thank you it means a lot! I haven’t posted in a few days. been crazy busy at work and I just don’t feel like bothering checking in at the end of the day even though i should. I will post s check in now though this was a good reminder
tonight will be day 260 of no self harm. TW for talk of food and eating disorder
work has been crazy busy. I’ve been so exhausted after work I haven’t had the energy to bother checking in.
my eating has rapidly been getting worse.i didn’t intentionally cut back on food it just happened. but I’ve been eating a granola bar for breakfast and crackers and Cheetos for my lunch at work. last week it lead me to being weak and shaky since my lunch break is around 1-2pm and I don’t leave until 6 or 7pm(supposed to leave at 6:15 but I have to stay late a lot). but this week I haven’t been shaky or weak. I typically don’t eat when I get home either. however the last 2 days I have had a very bad headache and I get dizzy spells fairly often. even when I’m just laying in bed. i feel like it should be extremely concerning but it’s not.
260 days your doing brilliant
Eating will probably help you concentrate well and stop you feeling shaky and have energy to get through the day, you dont want make your body physically weak could you make some pasta and heat it at work or maybe some sandwhiches just an idea
I definitely could I just have a really hard time actually getting myself to do it. I feel a really messed up satisfaction in watching myself get worse
Thank you so much Mark!
Trying to stay very positive since sobriety and although all that shit going on in the world, in Europe and especially near Europe
Just focusing on every single day and being grateful for having freedom to do what I like and easy things like a roof over the head, safety… Or just a nap
If i am not okay it is either being overwhelmed and “getting out of my body” kind of dissociation or it is loneliness. That’s what I crystallized out until now.
Hey you can start with a healthier live style every single da day just start. There are tons of possibilities and information. Choose a way of nutrition that fits to your regular preferences and choose sports you love. It’s real fun. Looking forward for you to start.
Day 4
4:30am wake up, workout, breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen.
Ohhh how good it feels to be organised and not be rolling out of bed hating the world and myself ( if I made it out of bed at all)
The gratitude is strong this morning!
I will not drink or use today .
Hope you’re all doing well you amazing bunch.
I’m going to try to go hiking this weekend; that’s my favorite form of recreation. Unfortunately I’ve developed some breathing problems over the last few months. Changing my diet will be simple enough.
232 days
Hey, thought I’d check in here. Still sober, still sick af with Covid. Didn’t catch a mild strain unfortunately, I’ve been floored for days. I’ve had to take the whole week off of work, and I’m hoping I’ll be okay in a few days.
I don’t like being bed ridden, I am pretty reliant on moving my body and exercise for my mental health.
I also fall into pretty bad eating habits when home bored. I really like the structure of work and eating breaks and gym routines.
Take it all away and I’m not so good. But I’m taking it as a sign to rest. I’ve got my new job coming up in a few short weeks, so best I got sick now and not then. Still shitting myself about the new job. God I hope I can pull it off, and it’s a good fit for me.
#Day 1520
Went to the movies yesterday and talked with the friend who I was with about her and my addiction. She just quit nicotine 2 months ago and was a heavy smoker. It’s almost funny how much simularities both addictions has in case of recover from it. She is very restless and moody right now but also looks better. Her skin has a different colour and looks more radiant.
It’s always good to talk to someone who understand how addiction feels and “works”.
It feels good to be honest about my drinking problem but also it makes me feel fulnerable. An addiction to nicotine is much more “normal” in this sociaty instead of an alcohol addiction.
I think that has to change as well. With talking about it to people I trust I hope to help a little bit with that.
Picture of the light show I was yesterday in the city of Eindhoven. There is a walk trough town and while walking it buildings are lighted with moving lightshows on it. Very spectacular!
Have a good day ore night, and remember you are not alone in your struggle with your addiction. We are with many here and do not forget there are more of “us” addicts around you in real life then you know! We are not “rare”.
We are dealing with a problem society created.
Sure we are part of the problem, but we are working to recover aren’t we?
working with all those kids im not surprised you feel so tired after im so proud of you.
just start. There are tons of possibilities and information. Choose a way of nutrition that fits to your regular preferences and choose sports you love. It’s real fun. Looking forward for you to start. 
.
Changing my diet will be simple enough.
