Two weeks in and today was the toughest day of all. As @Tyland said, things go from calm to a hurricane and today I was in my hurricane. I felt frustrated by silly mistakes I had made at work and under pressure from senior managers who usually have no interest in what I do. I have been chasing shadows this week trying to catch up.
Even my time after school with the kids was a rush and it reminded me that that was how I was when I was living with them, always rushing from one thing to the next.
So I have to slow down. I completed one of the actions I set myself yesterday and cancelled one of the things I was going to do at the weekend. Given how tired I still feel I am going to cancel a second one as well. I think self care has to come first and I have been neglecting mine recently.
Tonight I cooked a great big risotto even though I didnāt feel like doing it. But by doing so Iāve got lunch for tomorrow and I had a healthy, warm and filling meal. I feel better now.
I will carry on my painting tonight as I enjoy it and it is a positive way of escaping from a hectic world for a little bit.
thank you. that is 100% why I self sabotage. itās so hard to change my thoughts about myself when Iām still being told those things fairly regularly. I will definitely see if I can find the thread. thank you for your kind wordsā¤ļø
I think youāve hit the nail on the head.
Slow down and self care.
Iāve realised that no matter what hurdles we overcome, thereās always going to be another one to climb over!
Be kind to yourself, you are healing. Listen to your body, and enjoy that delicious risotto.
I hope that today is good to you
I am okay now.
I cried a lot.
Made me ready to go to yoga anyway.
On my way, I had strong feelings of forgiveness, like in a relationship. To myself.
Like a good friend ācome onā¦ Itās okayāā¦
My Yoga teacher choosed heart openers today, 90 minute class. Why did he know what I needed?
He recommended us to be very kind to us next days and that the session might bring some tears up. And that itās okay to let them roll. And pass.
So glad I found my way on the mat.
Will take away some Vietnamese chicken veggie stuff now and eat a warm meal.
Checking in Day 277
Day has been stressful and I have had some urges to use. Just one sort of medium strength one (which is stronger than i usually get them). Not much time to relax. I havent spoken to my mom over the phone in awhile. I did chat with her via text about her being in the hospital with a heart condition but wanted to see how she was doing at home, so thot id call. Boy did I want to get off that phone so fast. I didnt tho to be respectful but shes very depressed and confused. I already set boundaries about her talking to me about this āother manā in her life other than my dad. So of course she wanted to talk about it. She even mentioned to me that bcuz of my past with men and abuse and sex work, it ruined her relationship with my dad. This āother manā fixed that for her I did cut the phone call shorter than usual but still wanted to be respectful. If i got short and cut it off she probably woulda felt even more depressed. So i kept redirecting the conversation. Anyway, i got another christmas dreamcatcher done. This one is for my son to give a woman that has helped us in many ways. She is the founder of an organization that helps families who have a child that has cancer. She has helped my son and our family so much. Hope she likes it:
@Twizzlers thank you, and I can relate to what you said about putting too much pressure on yourself. All I can do is keep setting intentions and trying with it. I feel great when I go, and beat myself up when I donāt, so Iām gonna keep trying. There should be nothing stopping me from going tomorrow so weāll see, it is harder to motivate myself when itās raining outside as its a 10min walk there and again back. @DryIn785 thank you @nerd congrats on 30 days @Alycia you poor thing feel better soon and youāre gonna do amazing in your new role @BrOKenWolf grief is so hard sending strength @Rockstar24777 congrats on all the 8s @Thirdmonkey congrats on 1700 days @Cjp congrats on 200 days @Deelzebub congrats on 200+ days and I hope your children are feeling better very soon @MooseTracks feel better soon
Congratulations on 2 weeks!!! I love how self aware your being with feeling rushed and needing to slow down. I do the same thing sometimes even telling myself to slow down out loud lol im glad ur doing well even tho ur day has been hard. Each day can be ao different tho so keep pishing forward
@Juli1 Iām sorry youāre feeling lonely, sending love your way donāt go back to contact @mamador sending strength @Olivia feel better soon @Staringupfromthewell congrats on 2 weeks @Mali congrats on double digits @SelfLove_42 welcome back, good to see you
829 days no alcohol.
294 days no cocaine.
Tired after a long day of travelling and my therapy session. Therapy is hard but in all the right ways. It contains me. Iām worried how I will be when it ends in 3 weeks time. I really have to work on re-parenting myself, and looking after myself. I try so hard but keep regressing. I have relapsed on cigarettes after 1.5 years, all bcuz of watching the new season of Peaky Blinders. I thought I could smoke ten and leave it there when Iād finished the show, but, unsurprisingly, here I am nearly a week later still smoking itās gross and I hate it, so I will stop. I was honest with my cessation nurse about it too and she was kind.
Thank you . Your kind words have really lifted my spirits.
I am trying to be a better person. More loving of myself, continuing to respect others. I see in my little boy the kind hearted soul I used to be as a kid. Obviously I canāt go back to that time but if I can use that memory and be inspired by my son to be a better person and set a good example I will be really happy.
When I rush I lose sight of all of this. Itās not going to be plain sailing every day but I try to bring myself back to this core belief as often as I can.
I am very much about the inner child! And i love everything u said in ur post. U WILL get to where u want to be in life. I truly believe that! One day at a time my friend
This is pretty much the same thing that keeps me going in my sobriety journey. Doing it for my kids. Congratulations on two weeks!! Youāre doing so well! Sending lots of positive energy your way
I did cut the phone call shorter than usual but still wanted to be respectful. If i got short and cut it off she probably woulda felt even more depressed. So i kept redirecting the conversation. Anyway, i got another christmas dreamcatcher done. This one is for my son to give a woman that has helped us in many ways. She is the founder of an organization that helps families who have a child that has cancer. She has helped my son and our family so much. Hope she likes it:
feel better soon 
sending strength 
sometimes even telling myself to slow down out loud lol im glad ur doing well even tho ur day has been hard. Each day can be ao different tho so keep pishing forward 
. Your kind words have really lifted my spirits.