You are a blessing @Butterflymoonwoman 
It makes me smile whenever I get a reply from you. Always filled with positivity 
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Second check in
I took a bath and did some journaling.
Feels good to write my thoughts down. The good, the bad and everything in-between.
It really calms the mind, fascinating.
It’s too late to watch a Procreate Tutorial now, it’s 10:17 pm. Time to sleep.
Tomorrow I’ll dive deep into drawing again, already looking forward to it 
Have a good night or a fantastic day wherever you are 
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Glad that you joined that and it calmed your mind! I am using writing as a technique too and it clears my mind and gives me ease.
Will go to bed too, after 90 minute yoga live class and a nice late dinner snack
(with walnuts of cause 
)
Goodnight Sabrina 
Goodnight everybody when it’s time 
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Day 6 home from work getting ready for tonight’s meeting. That’s it, lol. Kinda only posting just so I can keep a journal of my days. Thanks for all the support I received so far though!
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Evening Check In
Day 263
Today was been different. I really struggled to sit still. I did my workout and mailed off a gift to a recovery sister/friend. Then took pictures of another dreamcatcher that i made for my husbands grandmother (I think she is 98 years old). Ahe lo ea pretty colors and the garden so I made her this:
Got some cleaning done. Now cooking supper
Than back onto another dreamcatcher for my sons LPN who looks after him on the accessible bus to and from school Have a great day/evening everyone
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@LinM Hang tight, it does get better. 
@Starlight14 I have the same thought. All I can do is keep sober now and show them that recovery is possible. I also think it is important to remain open. My kids bring up my drinking sometimes. It feels like a kick in the stomach to me, but it was their reality for a while, and they own it. I shouldn’t try to stop them from talking about it.
@Sabrina80 I hear you!
@Staringupfromthewell Keep trying, you can improve sliwly but surely.
@zzz Rooting for you. 
@SadMemeQueen You’d have to be a saint to be a teacher and not get annoyed. The key point is whether you act on that or not.
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Checking in 3 years, 5 months , 5 days alcohol free. Day 3 nicotine free.
Came across this little beauty this morning and it really resonated so wanted to share with you all x
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You’re a school teacher? Oh man that would be tricky, especially how most schools are set up, making kids sit all day and learn things they don’t want to…how stressful for teachers and students. I struggle with one child, couldn’t imagine 30 at once. Good to take time out and reflect on the triggers, that will make you an even more amazing teacher. 
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daycare teacher so it’s less kids and a lot more relaxed than regular school luckily , today we had about 10, it gets up to 20 at points. thank you❤️
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Yes please steal and share away, really hits home doesn’t it!
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Got my 6 month chip today at my favorite gritty and real ladies meeting. And the prompt tonight was ’ are you a real alcoholic?'. Haha 5.5 months ago i was grappling with acceptance. Tonight i proudly stated I am greatful recovering alcoholic! Surrounded by lovely sober ladies in fellowship. The cheers and congrats were nice
A milestone is an opportunity to reassess. What has worked? What hasnt? How far ive come. Just doing this damn thing one day at a time. Greatful for the personal growth ive made these passed 6 months. Recovery is work but it is totally worth it
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tonight will be day 247 of no self harm.
today was just rough. there’s the awful kid I mentioned. when a kid is especially rowdy or hurting other children they go up to the front desk to calm down. well this kid’s mom just started working at the daycare so he thinks that if he acts out he will get to go to the front desk and they will take him to his mom. I have never seen a kid act this bad it’s been awful.
I guess I should probably explain how the system at work is. I am the lead teacher for the three year olds, but towards the end of the day we start to lose more kids and more staff. so we combine the classes which means I’m not really the lead teacher of anything they’re just kind of hanging out. we could get up to 20 kids because we have the three year olds, the 2-year-olds, transitional preschool, and 3 year olds. we also have a ratios that we have to keep at all times. there has to be so many teachers per children.
there are these two girls at work who never do anything and I’m not a fan of them. when we all combined classes I usually get stuck with them at the end of the day. they know that when I show up they’re about to go home. so they never clean or do anything to help me get ready to close the room. today they saw me walk in and then immediately got out all of the messy toys knowing that I was going to be the one who had to clean it. they got out Play-Doh which is messy but I can deal with. then a kid asked me if he could use the sensory table which is a tray full of corn and wood chips and a lot of messy things. I told him no and the other tacher saw this interaction. the kid went and asked the other teacher and she told him yes. they also never wash or sanitize the kids water bottles which is gross. we had a meeting last night and we asked them to do that and today they still didn’t. if I am not in their classroom and I’m just stopping by they will ask me to stay and help even though they are in ratio and have more than enough teachers. I think they know that I will do everything if I’m in there. even the managers will tell me to do something and want to tell them hey I’m doing this they’re just like well can’t you help us. they will also check all of the kids diapers and if their poopy or wet she will hand them off to me.
a very small thing but I absolutely hate warm water and if my ice melts or if it gets warm I will not drink it. well we have to have a clear water bottle at work, I left my water bottle at work today and it’s my only clear water bottle. there’s no ice at work so I am just going to have to drink warm water tomorrow which probably means I will drink little to none
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I saved this. It actually brought tears to my eyes.
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Day 243 again
Have neglected my room. 15 minutes would get something done but its pretty bad. Glad tomorrows friday. Maybe ill work overtime bc i know im definitely getting some. Need money.
I have some more reflections that may be triggering here:
.
.
.
Relapsing for one night just sounds…nice. i tell myself itll get me out of my writers block thats been torturous. That i deserve to get out of my head in ways that feel impossible. That since i feel in some ways more messed up than i did 8 months ago i should just give up on whatever healing is possible. Im a bad kind of crazy.
Idk. Im not about to drink. It wont help anything but it would eventually humiliate me more. Hopefully ill edit this post after i clean a bit.
@Butterflymoonwoman @Cjp @Misokatsu thank you so much for those kind replies. Im not drinking. I agree with all of the advice. Posting here i felt more obligated to clean for 15min, “even if it takes the whole time to pick up ten small things.” and though i did stop in the middle of a task, it looks and feels better and i look forward to increasing the dent tomorrow. <3
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Omg god lady!!! Im soooo freakin proud of you!!! Thats an extreme shift in thinking… from an alcoholic to a GRATEFUL recovering alcoholic! I myself am grateful to be an addict also! I never would have known what i do today without being a hopeless addict and then recovering to a whole diff way of life. Those with addictions literally get to live 2 very diff ways of living! Crazy eh? Im glad ur here and soooo very proud of you!
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@Minatasha please dont give up on your sober journey! There are so many other less destructive ways to clear writers block.
Google damnit
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Theres nothing necessarily wrong with thinking those thoughts. I think its fairly common when we as addicts and alcoholics have used and drank for sooo many years. Its common for our brains to think these things and go to what we know. But thoughts and feelings are just that… just thoughts and feelings and we dont have to act on them. Im glad ur taking some time and not acting on ur thoughts immediately. Theres reasons why u quit. Keep those in mind tomorrow is a new day! Hoping things improve for u.
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I would plan to get nice and hammered once, and then get sober again. I wanted to be sober, but still able to drink now and then. But you can’t be sober and drink sometimes. It is like being pregnant and not at the same time. I can’t imagine it would help writers block at all. Being hungover it took all my energy to just function.
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