Hey everyone, just checking in. Feeling pretty anxious, but it will pass eventually.
I want to thank each and every one of y’all for being here and being so supportive to one another. It really is amazing to me. 
Sending well wishes all around 
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Day 4. Still struggling along… sober. Starting to make a plan today to unfvck my life and health.
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Congratulations for making to the end of another day!! You’ve got this!! 
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tonight will be day 247 of no self harm TW for eating disorder
I am incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. the kid I have been having issues with is still acting out and now his friends are starting to pick up on that behavior and are starting to act like that to a small extent.
don’t get me wrong I’m incredibly happy that I got the lead teacher position. however I am also completely overwhelmed with it. I have to have lesson plans ready 2 weeks in advance. I have to have all of the items needed for the lesson plans for the entire week when I come in Monday. there are 11 different topics that I have to plan. one day includes all 11. there has to be something different everyday. it’s incredibly overwhelming and I was just kind of thrown into it this week because I got the role so suddenly. I was told I might be getting it so I started doing a week’s lesson plan as practice and then all of a sudden I was doing the rest of the month. every month also has a specific theme so I can’t just pick random things. Pinterest is a huge help but after I have the plans now I have to create all of these projects and get them ready for the class. I have to have at least 15 projects since we have 15 kids at our max capacity. so for every project there needs to be supplies for 15 kids and a lot of that is me making the supplies. there are also typically at least two projects a day. I know I can ask for help if I need it but I always wait until I am desperately in need of help to ask. I got all of my lesson planning done but now I have to get all of the supplies ready this weekend.
on top of that I am taking my licensing classes. they are at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday so I don’t get to sleep in. I am also at my grandpa’s and dealing with my family for a portion of the class. this class goes from 7:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. it is a 6-month course condensed into one month so there is at least six or seven homework assignments a week. and the teacher couldn’t make it easy and make everything due in a week, some items are due Wednesday and some are due Thursday. and everything is due before class if it’s due Saturday. the teacher luckily has been very nice and understanding about accommodation so far, it’s just incredibly overwhelming to know that I have to do all of these things in a two-day time period before I go back to work. if I don’t get them done on the weekend they will not get done because I am so exhausted after work that I just have to relax. I feel like I’m never going to get any time to myself.
it’s making me super emotional and on edge. also I was building my Lego super happy and I realized that I messed up pretty badly somewhere far back so I almost destroyed it out of anger but I didn’t. I’ve walked away for now but it sucks because I haven’t done it in a while and I was so excited to get back to it. it feels really dumb but that was really the thing that sent me over the edge. just put me in a panicky state.it’s always the tiniest thing after a lot has piled up.
I’ve also noticed that when I first started this job a little over a month ago, I had to eat a full meal at lunch or I would feel terrible. lately I’ve been eating about a granola bar and some crackers at lunch. other than today I haven’t felt like I’ve needed to eat more than that. typically when I don’t eat enough I get really shaky and weak but I was fine the last 2 weeks other than today. now I’m realizing that is probably a little bit of my eating disorder kicking in and ramping up. I have been eating a lot less at home. usually after work I would immediately come home and eat and now I just really don’t have the appetite. it doesn’t feel like a problem but I know that it’s probably not a good thing knowing how my eating habits are.
also I forgot to mention that I am now back on my medication. turns out the problem wasn’t my psychiatrist refilling them, my mom told me that I didn’t have any more so of course I kept calling. my mom handles all my medication because she doesn’t trust me with my past of mental illness to take them safely. so I believed her when she told me I needed to call and it turned out she had them locked in a spot that they usually aren’t the whole time. I keep asking her to let me handle my own medication because I’m going to need to know how to do it when I move out. the farthest I’ve gotten is there’s a weekly pill organizer on the table, she puts my medicine into them and she lets me take them without reminders or her directly handing them to me like she used to.
I just feel like such a child I don’t know how to do anything on my own. I can’t drive. i cant even ride a bike. I don’t know how my insurance works. I literally don’t know how to cook anything that doesn’t have directions on the back of it. I don’t know how to cook a fucking egg because nobody will teach me. when I move out how in the world am I going to take care of myself. I know it’s not my fault that nobody taught me these things but now that I’m 20 I don’t know how to learn them when I’m still in an environment that continues to baby me. I hate to make my parents seem like some evil masterminds, but I truly believe it is all an attempt to control me and keep me in this house because they know that I will do what they want. there’s no reason for them to not teach me Independence or at least some basic level of functioning. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get out of this awful family if I don’t know how to take care of myself
i can’t get better if I don’t get out of here but I can’t get out of here if I don’t get better
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Thank you all for your wishes yesterday. Let’s have all a good and sober weekend 
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Let me share with you my sixty days of freedom.
I am happy, but quiet. Not euphoria, just a day by day task.
I do not want a ship of alcohol in my life. Never more.
Alcoholism is a disease, a very tough disease, I am learning it. And the only thing to do is not to drink. There are no secrets. Just not to drink.
Kind regards.
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That is what I do every morning for my daughter now! She picks a hairstyle of pinterest and I try my best to do it. A different one each morning. I absolutely love doing it 
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Checking in again today. I just returned from my friends baby shower. My self and her sister set everything up ourselves and it looked beautiful. I was fine until we started setting up the bar. I started to have a real physical reaction to being so close to the alcohol. I started to shake and sweat and almost could not control my urge to grab anything and take a long drink. I excused myself and sat in the toilet for a few minutes to calm myself down. When I came back out I told my friends sister I wasnt comfortable doing anything with the alcohol and would help with the food prep. The thought of drinking was so overwhelming that I found it had to enjoy myself. It is my first social event since I made the decision to be sober. It was a hard day but my friend had a wonderful day and I didnt drink.
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Good Morning all from a chilly Bonny Scotland 
checking in on day 897 have a cracking day/nigh where ever you are 
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Day #74
Good Morning everyone 
Another day, and one more in sobriety. Some are challenging & some days almost send us to the edge, but I make a promise to myself that I will not drink today. That is all that I want out of today; another day of sobriety - one at a time.
It’s Saturday morning which means it’s Parkrun for me. It has become part of my weekly exercise routine, and I love the experience. Spending the morning alongside many likeminded & caring people is great, all with the same intention - to get fitter, and to better themselves. I’m normally finished by 9:20am, so it sets me up for the rest of the day.
I’m then intending on heading into town & finishing my Xmas shopping. I’ve been ever present & organised this year, and I’m surprised that I’ve been able to get 95% of it done by the 5th November. Of course, there may be the occasional thing I see between now & then which means I need to buy, but on the whole, I’m done. It’s been a fairly inexpensive one this year as after the death of my father last year, and the breakdown of my long-term relationship with my partner back in June means I’m only buying for my mother and the dog this year 
Other than that, I’m looking forward to an afternoon in front of the TV with the dog & the log-burning stove. Depending on the weather forecast for later, I may treat myself to an instant hot chocolate; my first of the year. Then tonight, I’ll sit and watch the town’s fireworks display to commemorate Guy Fawkes Night from the bedroom window. It is always held at the local rugby park which I can see from my house which is on a hill. Overall, a well-spent day & feeling extremely content.
Have a fantastic day everybody. ODAAT.
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16 mins sober once again.
I just seem to have lost it and I went right into leave me alone i really don’t care and completely isolated myself away and ate and smoked my days away. I sat in my own self just like I knew was completely wrong. Totally ignore my tools.
Day light savings time so time for me to refresh too!! Life will knock us down from time to time and we can handle it in our way but never stay there too long.
I am ready to try this again and continue to do what is asked of me and try and stay stronger.
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It’s always nice to see that you create new designs! I appreciate you’re sharing this with us! 
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For what do you volunteer?
Yes, the change of the seasons can really swing the mood. I know that for sure.
Ah, OK. Thanks for the explanation.
I know Guy Fawkes from the Vendetta movie. 
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Nice braids! 
I hated the retching. It always started at the same time and I had had to endure it till I drunk enough to stop the reflex.
Congratulations… And thanks for this very calm reflection that is just on the point! 
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106 days free from alcohol
87 days free from toxic relationships
23 days imperfect regular eating
Free
I just feel free.
And safe.
Had the possibility to pass through and reflect old muddy dirty emotions coming up yesterday in the afternoon, with a very clear mind.
I allowed the feelings and dared.
Today I realize that I am not socially
incompetent at all!
Enjoy your life! 
Hugs 
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I volunteer at a thrift/secondhand store whose profits support the local animal shelter. It’s conveniently walking distance from my home.
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Day 2 way too early in the morning but I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been having a lot of bad dreams lately. I like seeing everyone’s milestones. It gives me hope.
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