The kind of relief you are seeking will be from long term sobriety. I think for me it was at least 2 months but most likely longer.
Sobriety is not a quick fix to anything. It requires on-going and sustained efforts to see any real benefit. If you are looking for immediate results you should temper your expectations. The benefits you receive from sobriety are directly proportional to the effort you put in.
Today is 2 weeks for me!!!
Meeting isnāt til 9pm tonight so plan on spending some time on here catching up and finding new threads
P.S. Lol, the thermos I got off Amazon was way smaller than I thought. Should have read the description. Iāll have 2 as well. Definitely need a larger 1.
Checking in after 5 days sober. I know Iām still early back here. And people doubt my resolve because I keep coming back and forth but I just want to celebrate one win which is I went to a party . A work party. And i was sober and it was great. Last work party like this I was smashed and embarrassed myself and blacked out. This time I was sober and I feel so glad. Tomorrow, Iāll be sober again. Monday Iāll go to an AA meeting 
itās just better when Iām sober. Everything is so much better. Have a lovely morning waking up hangover free everyone
Checking in
Day 271
Potential TW
Im going to apologize 1st bcuz im sure this will be long winded.
I dont even know what to say about today honestly. Like I really dont. Like where do i even start?! I feel like im in a thousand places at once.
Using dream this morning, followed by an early wake up at 530am. Decided to exercise to help, which was good.
Thenā¦ I have been highly procrastinating on our storage closet. The goal for today was only to clear out empty boxes that have been stored in there and taking up space. But instead of just doing that i decided to empty the entire storage closet and go thru all the boxes. Literally purging everything that i havent used in years. There were moving boxes of mine from 8 years ago that i had not unpacked and of course i saw alot of memories, good and bad. Pictures of me from different ages, most addiction related but also some not. Some was with family. Then came across my Domestic Violence reports that for some fucked up reason i cant throw out. I came across them before amd shoulda thrown them out then. Like i really need to read what he did to me or what he was charged with 
I saw my drawing diary from when i was about 16 years old while in youth addiction treatment. Really angry and depressing drawings. I was just angry inside. And then written diary entries. One entry was about a house party i attended for this one particular biker gang, in the middle of winter, where i was raped by 2 men, and then kicked out in -40Ā°C weather at 230am. Only person I could call was my abusive ex, who picked me up, took me to his friends place which ended up with me ODing later that night. My life is fucked. Sorry to say but its disgustingly fucked. Why do i have to read this? I basically caused my own distress. Lesson learned. I Shouldve just thrown it out when i recognized the outsides of the journals. I guess i was curious 
But at the time, on the outside, to me, it seemed like i wasnt phased by it at first. I read it and moved on. Almost like I was numb to it. But the rest of my day has been hard and it makes me think that subconsciously, it may have really affected me. My life is like in blocks of memories. I have a hard time remembering much from my childhood. And then growing up was more of a fog. I do remember alot things but its always in chunks of time. Sooo much pain in my heart back then.
Anyway, my patience has been thin, i cant get any time to myself to unwind, im irritable, i feel like binge eating but then not wanting to eat at all. Im confused, i was feeling on edge the entire time I was out grocery shopping. Im sort of in a fog. I wanna cry. I wanna scream. I wanted to throw things but didnt. I tried SO hard to deep breathe and slow down. Didnt help too much. Not many of my skills did to be honest. I basically had to ride it out. Idk what i need now tho. Im not as heightened as i was. But I feel like im grieving a life that i never had to begin with. Grieving what life could have been for me growing up if i hadnt used ALL those years!!! Like wtf. I know i cant go back in time but jeeze. Its really hitting me. Me being clean and looking back at my life, really makes me see how truly messed up it was. Im just very very grateful to be where I am. Coming up on 9 months clean. Im so sorry this check in was so long. Its been an incredibly hard day. Hugs!
Oh, what a hard thing to go through 
. Of course that would send you for a loop and a half. I know you believe in a hp, maybe finding these things means you are now strong enough to start really dealing with your past? Thatās why you didnāt just chuck them. It will be hard, but I believe you are in a strong place and can process, or start to process it, and move on fully.
Oh hun!! Iām sending hugs and lots of love! I am so sorry you have had such an awful day! I wish I could take your pain away! You did have a lot of trauma and maybe you had some not so great coping mechanisms, but it is the past. You have learned and done so amazingly in these past 9 months! I am so proud of you! Just remember you are NOT who you were! And you never deserved to be assaulted or left in the cold! You never deserved the abuse you endured! You are a beautiful, strong, amazing, caring, loving, person!
Sending lots of positive energy your way 
Day 251
End of the week
Tired and sad
Worked 6-5 today and didnt see any sunlight. Just cooking. I hope I can just stay late all the time and clean things. I hope to make more money and spend less on food. Still a low wage but better than i was at.
Maybe im going to watch a fucked up Spanish movie and eat popcorn. Fantasized about weed today. I hate my thoughts so much.
2 days off than up early for 5 days. Then paid. No time to think.
@Butterflymoonwoman i like what @Misokatsu said about maybe you were meant to find these journals because you are at a strong enough place to process and move passed these memories. You are making great strides in sobriety maybe working through some of that emotional and physical trauma is what your soul needs. Its not easy but you used your tools today and didnt run from the emotions or useā¦thats an amazing accomplishment. Sending love and hugs. You are safe. You are sober. You are healing.
A little backstory, i started AA about 6 months ago. Got a sponsor at 60days in and started working the steps. I have 194 days clean from weed and alcohol. Im currently on steps 8 and 9ā¦making amends.
And Holy shit i made my first amends. The hardest one too. I went to pick up Boscoe from my folks after work tonight and i was debating in my head if now is the right time and said fuck it. I apologized for all the stress and worry I caused them thru my drinking years and some specific incidents. Came clean about my DUI and my mom said oh i knew that. What?! She didnt tell me how she knew but said she figured because i would drink and drive. Lol moms always know.
I feel an emmense sense of relief and love. Theres still a piece of me thats wondering if i should have apologized for moreā¦i dont think i was very prepared.
My dad asked if i was gonna apologize for sneaking out in highschool. Lol i apologized. I figured they didnt need to know all my adventures of sneaking out and partyingā¦
A simple act of apologizing has brought great relief and better communication with my folks. Feeling good tonight
5 months
My daughter didnāt come 
Got lump in throat being checked for cancer, feeling anxious
Apart from life is good x
Aww you were looking forward to your daughter coming. What happened?
Checking in Day 32! Still feeling really good and motivated. I did however take note of a few things today that are super motivatingā¦. My cravings, and quite honestly my thoughts of alcohol are starting to even out.
When I first got sober it was CONSTANTā¦ not only the cravings but the sobriety, the how, the pastā¦. Just all of itā¦. Alcohol consumed me. It was all I thought aboutā¦.and lately I find myself going hours without thinking of alcohol at all. I guess I am writing it out because it feels like an important milestone that I am noticing less and less of my time being taken by my DOC.
I had to cancel a trip to my old city today because of the weather and Iām pretty bummed because I was feeling really excited to go to dinner with my friends and show off my in progress sobriety muscles. Instead, I spent the day building the base to my outdoor shower on my homestead.
All in all a great day to be sober.
Itās a good time to smudge and drum and sing making a Sacred space and itās always a good time to smudge and drum and sing making a Sacred space.These things come up and we get to experience them again,putting them in their proper place, then we get to see our growth.The Spirit of ALL we can see and All we canāt see is with you.
Much respect for being strong and healing through your hardships.You will help others because of what you have healed through.
The strongest steel is heated and forged and shaped into itās final form.
My Heart cries with you 
PEACE
She got drunk Saturday night and was not up to driving and that on Sunday. And she hasnāt come since that arrangement. Got to laugh really as Iāve definitely let her down through drink over the years. Karma, I guess x
Hmph well thats disappointing but poetic. We gotcha ya back in any case
What a beautiful share CJ.
Thatās so wonderful. 
That is the key question. And once I found out: haaaaaa, then the real work is starting. Many key questions. I am grateful I can tackle them in recovery. Still a lifetime to go.
Congratulations to freaking sober 34 months! 
This is a really brilliant list. It should be pinned on the top of a thread. 
