Besides the no heat a candlelit reading session sounds lovely!
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Welcome and congratulations on your 3 days!
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Thank you much.
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Checking in
Day 275
I finished my 3 hour shift at work not too long ago. Was really nice to be able to go out with the clients and be productive (the weekend shifts are very quiet and usually stay-at-home days). Got home and ate as i had not eaten all day so thats was the 1st thing i had to do. I then decided to get out my old journals, DV reports, and drawings from 20+ years ago and get them ready for tmrws Letting Go Ceremony. I was going to do it tmrw but then thought that if i leave it for tmrw, i may not go thru with it and find some excuse. If i prep everything today, than it will be ready to go and it will be as āsimpleā as burning it. I think i might write a little something to go along with it. I may pr may not share it tmrw. Depends what thoughts come out lol I was shaking like a leaf tearing pages and pages out of that journal. I didnt realize how much writing i had done in it. Wasnt all triggering. There was some trauma and abuse related stuff written, but also alot of recovery related stuff when i attended a support group that was specifically for women exiting the trade. Lots of reminders about how i weaned myself off sex work etc. Lots of writing on my abusive ex. It was easy to let all that go. The scrapbook with the drawings was harder to let go. From what it looked like, it was a Before and After scrapbookā¦ like a collage of sorts. So basically my drawings were in the before section with some words n pictures. Then there was something called the ABCs of recovery where i pasted magazine words and pictures to create a collage. I was hesitant to throw this out. It was sort of inspiring to read. But i decided not to keep it. Instead, I took 1 picture on my phone of one of the drawings as a reminder of how far ive come in my journey. That drawing was at age 16. Just a year after i began using. On the recovery side i cut out a few words n pictures that really spoke to me, and i am going to add them to my vision board. Tmrw will be a big day. I will calm myself beforehand and meditate on my life and my journey. Ill write something up bcuz i feel like i need to talk to my inner child. And then the Letting Ceremony can begin. See how I feel afterwards 
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Day 199 comes to a close.
I had a strange experience when I was meditating today. I did a short 9 minute guided meditation focusing on dealing with the end of a friendship, which was fine, but then I went on to do a longer 30 minute loving kindness meditation which felt fine until a few minutes before the end. I started to feel extremely unwell, as if I was about to be sick, so much so that I switched the track off and got myself straight into the bathroom. I actually wondered if perhaps I had a virus or something. I calmed down a bit and then got myself comfortable and had a nap, and when I woke about an hour and a half later I was feeling fine.
The rest of the day has gone well and generally things feel harmonious at home.
Edited to add that I just got a message from a friend to say heās taking a leaf out of my book and has quit booze. I had been thinking that Iād over shared about my journey last time we spoke and that he may have been avoiding me, but it looks like it has given him food for thought.
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Day 1141
Puck Futinā¦ And all russian who not against him.
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Would anyone here like to do a secret Santa exchange? Either by a gift sent to them or via a gift card sent to email or an Amazon wishlist type of thing so no private info is sharedā¦?
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,572.
God Bless!
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Iām checking in. Day 39
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Mostly on the low low, but pop in on this thread most oftenā¦it was the daily checkin with you peeps that helped and the mostly reading now that continues too help me.
Thank you
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Eveninv Check In
Day 275
Either i drank to much caffeine today or im super anxious and sort of shaky. Hubby got home not long ago and we had a nice supper. I have no reason to be anxious other than for tmrws Letting Go Ceremony. Now that im thinking about it, it is anxiety that I feel bcuz it gets worse when i think of what im burning and if im ready. I feel like im really pushing myself to go thru with this. I feel like i need it. Tmrw will be a total self care day afterwards. Im going to pray tonight on this Ceremony tonight and see what comes up for me.
I also found out that my mom is in the hospital with something called Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. Which (from what i looked up) is a temporary heart condition that develops in response to an intense emotional or physical experience. Google said: In this condition, the heartās main pumping chamber changes shape, affecting the heartās ability to pump blood effectively. So idk how to feel about this being so many provinces away. Wish i could see her.
Hope everyone is doing okay today.
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Checking in on another sober day, have a great day people 
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Day 255
Skipped 15min tidy yesterday, but did for 5 min this morning and im going to tonight.
Topped off brake fluid and fixed my friends chair and brought her dinner.
My cat is so affectionate and good. I miss my other cat who lives with my mom.
Did exactly 15 minutes. Still finding it hard to fall asleep.
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My goodness, I will pray for your mom 
And your letting go ceremony. What a big thing. I have so much admiration for you and how much you are putting into your recovery!!
You absolutely should spend the day with self care! I love that plan for you. Giving yourself love and affection after such an emotionally charged activity. Sending you lots of love 
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@Stephypoo Welcome to the party; youāre gonna love it here! 
@Butterflymoonwoman When I did inpatient treatment in 2013 we had a Letting Go Ceremony. I cried. A lot. Totally worth it. Oh, and you were right about the Pedialyte. It seems to be working. Iām sorry to hear about your mom. Iāll keep her in my prayers.
@CATMANCAM Iām sorry about the power situation. Winter has come early to Kansas and they say itāll be a rough one. Iāve got flashlights, but candles do have a certain ambiance.
@Minatasha Iām trying to follow your lead on the 15 minute cleanup as part of putting more structure into my life. But todayās to do list was straightening out my bedroom, which looks like a frat house. 
Ended up taking a nap, which even though I needed means that Iāll be awake all night. So I restarted my Netflix. Gotta finish Sense8! Itās been a while since Iāve seen it, so maybe I should just rewatch from the beginning? Thereās not really a lot to report. I feel pretty good about todayās events, but for some reason Iām apprehensive anyway. Why? Things are working out fine. Anxiety sucks. I guess Iām just embarrassed about walking back in with all the people I walked out on, and acting like nothing happened.
Oh well. Gonna make some dinner, do 15 minutes, and call it a night. Have a great sober evening, my friends! 
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I used to feel uncomfortable when things were good. I was so used to things not going well, that anytime anything good would happen, it was like i was waiting for something bad to happen. I couldnt even enjoy the good days lol maybe u can relate?
Glad the pedialyte is working! Yay! Thank u for sharing ur experience about the letting go ceremony. I appreciate that and the prayers for my mom
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Yesterday afternoon I had trouble not buying alcohol. I just wanted to relax, to numb this emotional roller coaster ride.
I didnāt do it, instead I was knitting. I really appreciate my knitting,
This morning I am very thankful that I am still sober. And maybe my emotional up and downs are the result of my drinking?
I have a little hope that my emotional quick changes could disappear by more sober time.
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Day 46
I woke up at 3 am again, I donāt know why. My head is feeling a lot better.
I planned to go to work today but Iāll go to the Doctorās office instead.
My boss wants a sick note for yesterday, or Iāll lose the hours that I didnāt work. Okay, fine.
Day 1: sick. Day 2: getting an appointment around noon for the sick note, and after that I wonāt go to work for only 2-3 hours.
Without the need of a sick note I only wouldāve been at home one day 
Okay, Iāll get up now to have breakfast. Didnāt really eat well yesterday, the cravings for sweet, salty and fatty food hit strong 
But: Iām sober, so thatās good 
Have a beautiful sober day friends 
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Day 3. Man it feels good to be back, I almost forgot who I was for a minute there.
I woke up early to have a workout and meditate but I ache so much from my first workout and a physical day at work yesterdayā¦. I had a bath instead 
. Iāll have one later if I feel up to itā¦ baby steps. Off to work. Have a good day all
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