It is called Broken Heart Syndrome. I pray your mother is feeling better soon. The prognosis for the condition is good once treatment begins. I hope you are ok 
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Day 13
Today was a hard one mentally. I woke up angry at the world and it took about 3 hrs for that feeling to go away. I think it was to do with how I have coped with things in the past. I try to keep up, exhaust myself and then I seem to just keep going, pushing past the point where I should stop through frustration and anger.
Really it’s anger at myself for not stopping. Relaxing, taking a step back when every fibre of my being wants to just keep on going that little bit more. I lose perspective on what is really important. That’s where my addiction waits, ready to ambush me when I am at the end of my tether.
As I’ve said before I want these entries to talk about what actions I have and need to take. In this case I did some brainstorming in my work notepad covering everything I have going on right now and what actions I needed to do. Once I had it down on a page it didn’t feel quite so bad.
I also find myself being a “yes” man a lot of the time. Agreeing to stuff because I don’t like to say no. Because of this I have agreed to be out 4 nights in a row. It’s not sustainable. So my action tonight is to cancel some of that which I think will destress me a bit. I will also go to bed early as it’s the only way I’m going to recover from all the stuff I agreed to last weekend.
I hope you all have a great sober day. I’m rooting for you all.
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I am okay overall. She is going home today. Ive never heard of this before. She has been under alot of stress n emotional pain for awhile now. It hurts me to know shes hruting sooo bad that this happened. Idk much about it. She said shes going on medication. And then she has DBT coming soon in dec
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- 117 days free from alcohol
- 88 days free from toxic relationships
- 8 days imperfect regular eating
I am feeling confused.
Shaky and not in my body.
Cooking dinner.
Trying to calm down.
Job is very busy, got a spontaneous important project with a very good professional coworker.
Tons of things to do, but I love constellations where I have the license to push the gas pedal constantly.
To be honest - otherwise I am bored.
Anyway, isn’t it also pushing my toxins to the limit?
Bored…
Like I used to be in “normal” relationships.
Gas pedal, like in the pool or
in my car if the road is free.
Or in toxic relationships.
Just thoughts.
Ok, let’s have dinner 
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I’m happy to report that I’m celebrating day 40 today
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Hey Juli heres a hug 
Hopefully once you have has some food you will be feeling a bit better - i hope so.
If not we are here to chat 
Do you have any yoga or swimming this evening ?
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I did today all things I had to do. I go to bed tired but clear in my mind. Tomorrow morning I will be happy when I notice, yes, I have been sober.
This morning before opening my eyes, I have been so much relieved. No hangover. No headache. No tiredness. No regrets.
I like it.
The cravings so far are short. Maybe because I prepared myself a bit. Nobody knows what will be tomorrow, but this hour, this evening, today I won’t drink.
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Thank you so much Twizzle
Bit better, very tired after some satisfying mixed veggies with vegan cream. Having a box for tomorrow at work with leftovers.
No, unfortunately Wednesdays the pool is blocked with the water polo team in the evening. Just had a little walk, but that didn’t feel nice 
. Will have my live yoga class tomorrow in the later evening.
Just sinking in the couch. Will just clean up kitchen and do my skin and toothcare routine later and go to bed. Maybe it’s possible to have a short yoga sequence tomorrow before work.
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Checking in day 73! Still very tired from whatever kind of cold I have. Had a work related call earlier and had to get my flu/covid shots because they were due for work (though not ideal when I’m already under the weather). I’m going to lay down for a bit and then I have a meeting. Plan is bed early and I’m hoping to wake up feeling better- it’s been a week, it’s time for this to pass!
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Day 17 
happy sober Wednesday everyone Netflix and chill
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Yes!!! Way to go kevin!!! What are u finding works for u thia time around? Have u done anything differently? I love seeing ur number go up!
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Day 256
On time to work. Ate amazingly and brought home some food. Like muffins and yogurt and strawberries. I was spending so much money on food at my last job and now every day i pretty much get something to eat. My coworker always assigns me the salads. They were so tedious today. I will be much faster at making salads soon. But today I made 40ish salads among a bunch of other things, was mentally fried and forgot the forks 
. 2 days until i get paid and am less broke.
Also, deep anger today. Im invested in a netflix show. Just get through another day rn. Friday i will get off early and get bagels. Will try to tidy tonight so its easier to have fun and be creative on the weekend.
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1699…
My view of where I am staying at in Florida, while on vacation. A cute little oasis away from the hectic pace of life…
Sobriety brought me here
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I am going to start using this in my classes as a greeting. 
@Butterflymoonwoman Sending good vibes for your letting go ceremony 
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Thank you so much!!! It went really well. Better than i actually expected it to. Even tho i didnt bawl like i expected myself to, i did get a good feeling after doing it. I wrote a seperate post about it 
thank u for ur kind thoughts
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Congrats on 50 days 
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@SadMemeQueen hey thought id check in see how you are doing? I havent seen a check in from you for a few day - i could of missed you if did post but just incase i want you to know im thinking about you
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@ReeBee28 congrats on 50 days 
@Twizzlers wow well done for getting back in the pool 
I do breastroke when I swim too, freestyle really makes me out of breath! Where it says ‘Laps’ does that mean lengths? I seriously need to get back to it, did so well 2 weeks ago then nothing 
@Stephypoo welcome 
congrats on 3 days
@Deadman congrats on 1500 days
@Butterflymoonwoman sending well wishes for your Mom 
I hope your Letting Go Ceremony went well today, you deserve peace 
@DryIn785 thank you for your empathy and congrats on (hopefully) getting your job back stay warm
@Mno I feel so proud of you every time you post about the way you are living your life now, very admirable
@Misokatsu I’m sorry to hear about the SH 
but congrats on getting some more support for your son
@KarenKW sending some more strength I know depression all too well, have you spoken to your GP about it?
@Planipennia thank you for your empathy
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@Joyce19 @Freckles2 congrats both on double digits
@KevinesKay congrats on 40 days
828 days no alcohol.
293 days no cocaine.
After here yesterday evening, I went back out to Starbucks for a hot coffee and to recharge my phone and power bank. Came home, scrolled through some memes on here, and eventually fell asleep sometime after 01:15am, which is very late for me but it was okay really. I slept right through until 7am, which is good sleep for me and I was grateful for it. I got up, fed the cats, then headed back to Starbucks for a hot coffee and to charge my devices some more before the electrician was coming.
The electrician came, quickly identified what was wrong, the first fuse in the meter cupboard has burnt and melted, it was all stuck to its cover too and he had to take the whole thing out. Thankfully there is a 2nd fuse in that cupboard so he diverted the power to only go through that fuse, and ouila -power restored! 
He will order the parts and come back to fit them in due course, it was so interesting watching it all.
Tomorrow is my 8hr travel mission to Cambridge and back for Therapy, I only have 4 sessions left altogether and they are all in-person unless anything changes. It’s weird, I’ve struggled to talk in the last few sessions, I think I’m protecting myself bcuz I know it’s coming to an end, that’s the only explanation I have for it anyway.
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@CATMANCAM i go through phases too of going often then not at all, small steps and as you mention i did breaststroke as i could have a relaxing swim and do a few bursts of freestyle until i build up my stamina.
My plan was just get into the water.
Your get back into it, theres no rush. I find the more pressure i put on myself to do something i dont end up doing it then i make myself feel really bad about it.
My aim at the moment as i havent been for a few weeks is to just get there once a week - usually this motivates me to go more but just once a week is my goal. I can admit too that i really am good at talking myself out of stuff
Your doing well and be fair to yourself you have had other pressing issues like your electric to sort out i hope its all sorted for you now ?
Edit: im glad you have electric back on now.
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