I totally get what ur saying. I love routine and when it gets sidetracked, i feel it. Im really proud of u tho for getting thru the holidays sober.
I actually have 3 routines for different situations. Do you think have a couple plans (routines) would help? I guess it sounds extreme but when i dont have a routine or some direction for my day, it effects my mental health. So For example i have an eating, exercise, recovery routine for when my sons in school, and one for when he isnt, and then one routine for when i work on weekends. I make sure to incorporate the things that matter into each routine. The only thing that changes is basically the time i do my activites. Bcuz all 3 scenerios change my day very drastically. Maybe there can be one routine for you on the days u work ur job, and one routine for when u have days off? Or whatever u like 
just a thought. I am proud of you tho for staying sober. Hope ur day improves now that the holidays are over
I really hope u find some peace and serenity in the mountains my friend. Im sorry to hear that the holidays were hard. Im glad they are over for you and that you can do ur usual things like hiking in nature to cheer u up. Hugs Rob!
Awe thank you! I really have to try hard on challenging my thoughts when it comes certain events that are just plain hard. I need to find the gratitude bcuz even in the worst situations, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for
Hey hereās a hug.
Iāll tell you what I did yesterday and the day before ā¦ I called my mum in tears, she panicked and asked why whats wrong and I cried even more and like a baby and told her
"donāt panick mum, everything is okay Iām just crying because I canāt drink anymore, Iām crying because I want to so much "
I sounded silly but it wasnāt silly itās how i really deeply felt deep in my bones.
It isnāt silly how your feeling for me it hurt I was really hurting that I wanted a drink so bad and i couldnātā¦ or that I could of but I didnāt want to lose everything Iv become and knowing Iām still not totally there with making all the changes I need but I was very close to doing it. I told everyone i was going to do it in my family I really wanted to I cried like a spoilt baby.
Your feelings are not silly they are valid and itās really difficult I understand.
Your doing so well, were all in this together, today when I get there urges I will think off you and everyone here and reminds me self we are like a family, a family of soldiers fighting for eachother lifeās and or own but we are together and we are not alone.
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply. It helps so much to have the support of people here. While I do have one sister Iām closer to, I canāt even imagine crying in front of her. That sounds horribly awkward to me. As a family we donāt talk about emotions and rarely even hug. It is incredibly lonely. Iāve never felt able to cry in front of others for a mess of reasons.
I know I should check out a meeting. And exercise. I do struggle to take care of myself when the depression gets bad. I donāt usually comment, but I do spend a lot of time reading various threads here. Itās about the only place I can go for support other than therapy. Iām glad I have therapy when I get back home.
Thanks again for the response and support.
Thank you so much. The holidays are definitely a rough one for me but I have managed to stay sober!!! Today is my 19th day. I hope you doing well!!
Checking in day 10. Hope yous all had a nice holiday. Ours was good. Spent a little time with family, and drove home late last night. Got a longer shift today but itās going up to about 30 degrees, so not as cold as it has been. 
452 Days
I need to just get this out there.
Everyday this past week maybe more I feel like everyday I am just constantly talking myself out of relapsing.
I feel at this moment in time the only thing keeping me sober is to not disappoint those around me - IV shut down all other reasons I got sober and why I want to stay sober and this is all thats left. Thatās alot of shutting down or talking myself out of.
Will this be enough to get me through this stage, how long until I shut down this idea too and then there is nothing left to stop me.
Clearly Iām trying to decieve myself.
But I know itās working. I really am taking it an hour at a time here.
Day 5 morning. So far Iām the only one awake so itās nice and quiet. Enjoying my coffee by myself. I usually function better in the mornings. By evening Iām mentally and emotionally exhausted. I think Iāll try to spend as much time by myself as I can today. I fly home tomorrow. Iāll be glad to get back there. It feels extra lonely being around family and not feeling like I can open up to them. Family is complicated.
@Twizzlers Hate seeing you struggling like this. I know youāre probably trying everything, do you have any pictures, scars, real bad memories, anything that can kinda put you in a place to really remember why it was that you had the motivation to quit in the first place? You know everybodyās here for you, and this is a rough time of year for most but just try and push through it. You already know whatās waiting for you on the other side. Sending some strength. 
Hey all, checking in on day 925. I hope everybody has a good one!
@Butterflymoonwoman you guys are in my thoughts
I have plenty of reasons, your right on this.
But I think Iv already gone through this stage in my head and I feel Iām at a very dangerous place because I have already made all the reasons invalid if that makes sense.
I just seen to have convinced myself I want to have fun and itās not because Iām sad.
What I have done is Iv reached out to a lady I met at an AA meeting few months back and asked if she knows of any meetings today if sheād knows of any and are they all still going he ahead. Hope sheās is okay herself and is able to reply.
I knew the past few weeks meetings would help me but was very worried about the COVID cases rising and thought Iām safest to not go.
I will take just this 24 hours and just for today mentality, maybe perhaps go back to basics. How did I get through my day 1 I listen to the 24hr marathon meeting all day and night while going about my day.
Back too basics works.
Thankyou for your reply as just me typing back to you is helping me in forming a plan to get through the next 24.
I appreciate your support so much thankyou
Thank you Dana hugs back!!! 
Checking in on day 563. Made it through Christmas. Now we head out to San Diego tomorrow for a family reunion of sorts. Iām grateful to be getting out of the cold at least. Winter can suck it.
Thank you all so much for your latest kind words and support 
@Jasty2 @CATMANCAM @Scorpn @Intothesun @Mno @Sabrina80 and everyone hanging in here.
Back on the sober road, one day at a time.
Always glad to be able in contact and read about you all and your consistency!
Day 1 - free from alcohol
Day 137 - free from toxic relationships
Day 48 - imperfect regular eating
Rainy dayā¦
Did some grocery shopping, bought some fancy zero drink called āclipper frezaā that tasts like bubblegum. Not sure if a little swim will be possible. Will cook noodles with hot bolognese style sauce tonight.
He is calling 2 times a day since a week.
He will be fucked up and overwhelmed due to christmas and so on too. Hard times.
But itās not my problemā¦
As i donāt want to change my mobile phone, that has this possibility to c who called despite one is blocked, I will probably organize a new number as soon as I am back to Germany.
Trying to get back to meditations to calm my monkeyish mind. 
Sending peace & ease 
I only just now saw you post on another thread and thought how wonderful it was to see you again. I am sorry about your brother, it sounds like you had a very loving and special relationship. I like your idea of volunteering. That can be so good for our mental health and our soul. Healing.
Always good to hear from you @Suzrene. Many hugs. 
Day 8 AF
Two more offers to drink yesterday & said no!
I probably could have made it easier if I told them Iām trying to quit. However, since I have said that a 1000 times and always fell back into it, I feel like the words would just fall on deaf ears anyway.
Prayers to all that are having a hard time right now. The holidays are almost over and some of the added stress will soon fade away. The struggle and temptations will always be around us and in us, holidays or not, but it always seems to be harder getting through them.
Itās been such a depressing day already. Everything is going wrong.
I got almost no sleep last night, I had to sleep sitting up because my breathing is difficult. Dreams were weird.
My heater went out about 4pm on Christmas Eve. Nobody is going to fix it for another couple of days. Itās almost as cold inside as out.
I started looking through the month-old pile of unopened mail. There was a renewal form for my housing assisstance. It was due on the 5th. I donāt know whatās going to happen now. And my case mgr hasnāt called in a couple weeks.
Iād love to take one of those healing hikes, like @Rockstar24777 (nature is the closest I have to a HP). but its 10 degrees, and I have to wait for the repairman anyway. Iām so upset with myself now, and so unsure of my future, that i feel like giving up. I feel like Iām hopeless. 
P.S. @Butterflymoonwoman Iāll keep both of you in my prayers
1 year. I made it! And it is sooooo rewarding.
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Sober 2023, here we come! Much love to this community!
What a acchivment, great done!! Im a few days behind you, cant wait to see my one year chip!