I think that the majority of us here understand what you are going through by experience. I heard in therapy many years ago which sounded simple and stupid: feelings won’t kill you. And it is true. The thing is that we have to overcome the fear that they might. They won’t. You can learn to you let them rush through you. No feeling is forever. This might be hollow words for you at the moment and when I am in my hole from time to time I won’t believe it, either. But I’ve made some experience that it is true. And that it is all very much easier without alcohol. And this is something you just have to believe. In this point I had to trust people who made it already into this unknown land of dealing life without alcohol.
Now, you know it will come. It will. The headaches will come on Sunday and the depression. You can do something to be prepared. What could this be?
My belly is getting smaller. I am a slim person, but after my accident and almost daily consumption of alcohol I had got a fat belly, which looks funny when you are slim. Although I eat more, the belly is getting less. Now I also finally notice that exercise does something. With alcohol I had the feeling I always start again from 0. Little success.
Hi everyone
Apologies iv not been as active here as usual, i have been doing some reading. My sleep is just all over the place. I havent managed to sleep and its now 5:30am the time i like to be getting up after a good sleep.
As the weather has become rainy and cold my pets go outdoors into the garden and they are adjusting too not being able to have that extra run around (especially on rainy days) so you can imagine they are up in the night up to mischief… i love them and they arent being naughty, there pretty well trained to be fair but they also are keeping me awake.
So feeling very tired and quite irritable along side cravings that have gone further than a craving - I havent drank, but the cravings been strong and if i was going to i know exactly how i would do it and its not nice thinking tbh.
With the tiredness comes the anxiety and depression but and a big BUT its friday so if i ned to nap for an hour thats okay, if everything feels out of sync and my routine is hard to keep thats fine too, everything doesnt have to be perfect and im learning to be okay that.
Im gratefull that i know i can manage this atm how ever annoying it is things could be worse and they arent.
Im gratefull i have the opportunity to go at my pace when things are like they are and i dont have pressure from other external factors outside my normal routine.
Anyway sorry for the little moan, and sorry i havent been able to be much support the last few days. Sometimes just being here and reading is what is needed.
I guess when i my sleep is disturbed for so many days it can make me feel like im failing.
Anyway im going to smile and keep pushing through because its friday and nothing in my environment is going to be impacted by me not getting enough sleep and being miserable
Have a lovely day everyone and Happy thanks to giving to those who are celebrating
Near where i live there is a burger bar and in the summer they adveritsed on a big sign oustide alcoholic milkshakes - and i have seen now alcoholic sparkling water
Makes me feel proud to be sober, i was thinking yesterday i know wasnt what you were speaking about but it just reminded me and thought id mention it - From young for us and the youngsters even now, on tv when ever someone has something go wrong or there upset or anything to do with low feelings the forst thing they do is drink its teaching that how to deal woth problems is a drink, maybe i just notice this because im an alcoholic but it makes me glad to know i am learning how to really deal with the feelings and what they are and why im feeling it.
Anyway sorry to go on iv not slept so my mind is racing.
Thats great you had a great day and didnt have to deal with cravings and temptation im so proud of you it takes alot to be able to be around others while sober and you did it, good on you
I’m happy to listen to you have a little moan on here Twizzle. Glad to read and let you release some of your tired feelings. It’s got to be very difficult to not be able to sleep. Then some stinking thinking can start up. But you’ve let it out here. And you certainly are not failing. It sounds like your reaching out for success. I hope you can get a nap in. And have an easy Friday. Thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes. Hopefully things will go smoothly for you today. And personally I think your one of the most supportive people on here. Rest easy when you can.
I wanted to add @KarenKW that what I remember life back then and my emotions: they were not the full spectrum. I could laugh, yeah, I could cry, yeah all a tiny bit but never really really felt it.
I cannot say from my journey that my life turned around 180 degrees. But here I am and not wanting to die. I live alone and have so far not any friends where I am now. I am not saying this pittyful. (Although I allow me this at certain sports here and people have to read it. That’s why we are here for). It is to say that there are as many sober stories as there are people here.
thank you, you also are very supportive here. From the day i came here you were and still are so encouraging and supportive
Yes today will be okay i just have to keep it simple.
The plan is to go to the shops at 7am when they open to get some ingredients for the slow cooker and just do some of my course online and then i have a lovely warm dinner to look forward to this evening. Iv learnt and am still learning somedays just have to keep it simple then thats what they will be Simple.
Checking in on the morning of day 1482.
Someone here made me think a lot about my journey. It happens from time to time.
Made me think this morning that we have to dig deep, find tools in case of emergency that work. It’s not one size fits all. I am grateful that this journey of recovery and how I do it is not a signed contract. I can change the how. I can change my mind as often as I want. I have this voice inside my head from my mother who would ask me or comment from time to time with: but 5, 10, 15 years you didn’t blaaaah. Yeah, well you know. I can change and change also happen without my consent.
There are so many options out there that can work that we have to put the will into to try. A meeting. Can work. But we are not a failure when we don’t find one we like. It makes it easier at times, from my experience.
I got rid of everything related to alcohol. Alcohol. Glasses. Bottle openers. All this went in the cellar. Then I gave it away. People can drink from other glasses if they want. What I read and heard in early sobriety made me think: yeah, you did it. But me. Look at me. I fail. Every day. I didn’t fail because I didn’t really tried. I didn’t want to drink today. But the today’s ended at 5pm or just before the supermarket closed. I needed an experience that life was possible without alcohol. In patient therapy helped me to make this connection. I didn’t hit an outside rock bottom. I hit it inside. Every day I was lying on this bottom and I was so used to it being miserable, I was scared to be better. Then maybe I cannot blame circumstances and things outside of me for my misery anymore.
I am happy that my laptop is doing something in it’s recovery as well and I hope that I can safe it. Otherwise I will destroy it. Get some anger out. Go and get a hammer and a screwdriver. Destroy it properly. Just saying, no threat here.
I am happy that I jumped over my shadow, contacted a friend for coffee tomorrow and will hit my old women’s meeting. Fucking construction on the train route but I’ll go anyway.
Nearly a year, I’d love to say I’m excited by it but I won’t allow that, I can’t, it is just another day marked off. I will enjoy if after it has passed.
It’s nice hearing the kids say how proud they are and we are going to have a nice meal together for making it but if I look forward to it I fear I’ll want to celebrate and it will just go up in smoke.
Woke up feeling like a freight train run me over in the night.
Gonna got the gym and sweat whatever I have out. Can’t be arsed being lazy anymore. I’ve slacked off the last few days but need to get back on it.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Sending strength to those who need it and love to all!
Day 55
I’m still laying in bed, waiting for my meds to kick in so I can stand up and do stuff.
This morning period cramps joined in So now almost my whole body hurts. Means I’ll be extra good and gentle to it today.
In reality my plan was to go to the postal office to pick up some nice stuff I bought online and to get something yummy to eat. We’ll see if I can do it or not
I hope those who celebrate had a nice and sober Thanksgiving?
Have a beautiful sober day friends
Stay strong
I was back in Van Gogh museum yesterday. This one of my all time favourites on display, the aptly name wheatfield with crows from 1890.
I was supposed to start my new group therapy today, trying to deal with traumas and abuse from my childhood. It was cancelled at the last minute. Disappointing, but I’ll get a new chance in two weeks time. One day at a time all. X
I really appreciate this. I definitely need to learn that feelings won’t kill me and don’t last forever. I don’t think I ever learned how to feel my feelings. Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m feeling. My therapist has me using the feelings wheel and logging my feelings a few times a day.
I definitely need a plan going forward. I’m not really sure what that looks like. I have a couple books I’m reading about alcohol and one about DBT. I’ve increased therapy to once a week. I need to get better about self care.
Day 1 again. Disappointed in myself but each time I learn something. I need a plan for dealing with intense emotions. I get completely overwhelmed at times and lose my ability to cope. I never learned how to feel and process emotions despite years of therapy. I still just suppress them until they explode. Not healthy.
I might suggest reading around here what people are doing. For me this changed a lot. What helped me early on isn’t maybe valid anymore. It also changes with my mood. I had to find out. Atm I am at home having a day off, listening to philosophical podcasts and doing puzzles. It was dancing wildly on Tuesday evening when I was so fucking down. It was Yoga when the time is right for it. It was running an hour ago when I needed to get some fresh air in my brain. When my mind is spinning in circles reading is not the best option. Watching a comedy might. Just some thoughts.
Was called out of work for the third time this semester due to a kid with a fever. Of course, need to be grateful that it is just a regular fever, but couldn’t help being resentful that the responsibility of getting sick kids from school falls entirely to me. Spent a nice afternoon cuddling with her watching Wednesday on Netflix. After a meltdown and a half a few days ago, my son seems fairly calm, but nervous about his karate belt test next week. This weekend will be busy with extra karate practice, and a dance performance of my daughter (surely sickness will be better by Sunday).
I think today i needed to hear this.
its teaching that how to deal woth problems is a drink, maybe i just notice this because im an alcoholic but it makes me glad to know i am learning how to really deal with the feelings and what they are and why im feeling it.
it takes alot to be able to be around others while sober and you did it, good on you 
