Please stay focused. Looking forward to c u checking in tomorrow! You don’t want to step back, i know that.
Please try to de-stress.
Glad you had a swim and @CATMANCAM as well. You are doing so great! It’s not about the meters, it’s about the step in the water and swimming a bit. I love the courage you both showed with this today! 
Im so happy to hear you got to the pool, reading your post i litrally felt exactly like this myself today but i still went.
Im also so happy for you that you have yout electric board put in so you can feel secure in the future that it wont go off and is safe 
You will manage to quit the smoking, whats good is that your not giving up on giving up.
I had to use the patches and gum (I used the inhulator for the first 4 weeks) and they really helped. They really helped stop the cravings and the irritability and mood swings.
Im going to get out my Big Book of AA and read it falling asleep. I think i need some strong reminders.
1 week ! Were here again, finally feeling a bit better. Went to my first AA last night in years and it wqs really good !
Checking in on day 2.
Feeling better than yesterday, but still absolutely awful. My whole body is so sore.
Would really appreciate any recommendations on how to deal with the overwhelming guilt and shame that I am feeling. I am a shy, introverted gal, and I am so embarrassed by my actions the other night. I just want to hide in a hole and never have to show my face around human beings ever again. 
Day 21 
I have the day off work tomorrow and keep having thoughts about going to meet my mates for a few beers, which turns into a 24 hour drunkfest. Im a bit nervous of caving in. Heres to hoping. 
Evening of day 4. Thankfully my doctor can see me tomorrow morning. I’m so relieved. I’m barely hanging on by a thread today. Knowing I have that appt tomorrow will help me not drink tonight. I was getting really tempted. The scales were tipping in favor of short term relief over long term consequences. This is what usually gets me off track. But I’ll make it through the rest of today sober.
I have a very nice therapist, he tried to figure out what the problem is but it seems to be that there might be more than just one problem 
Today I learned that my upper cervical spine is hurting and that causes pain in my whole spine 
He showed me 3 exercises that I have to do 1-2x/day. They look easy but seem to be very effective because I felt muscles I didn’t know I have 
I had a lot of luck, I checked my appointments online (Doctolib) and saw that my orthopedist has a free appointment this Saturday! I didn’t know they offer appointments on Saturdays! How awesome is that?
Day 6
Checking in very briefly today as it has been a long one. I’ve caught up with everyone’s posts and it feels like a lot of people are having a hard time right now. Don’t give up. You’ve got this, I believe that you can be sober today. Let tomorrow be and concentrate on today.
I had a small breakthrough today. I had what I would usually consider a stressful day. I was running late from the start, IT wasn’t working (due to my own actions) and it would usually have overwhelmed me. But I made sure I took some time to do my box breathing even if it was for a couple of minutes and it really helped to calm me down.
It’s another tool in my tool kit but it’s time to sleep and rest now. Wishing everyone strength and courage today.
I’m checking in. Day 52
Day 17 almost over with! Drove by the bar near my job with no temptation. So proud of myself!
I really need to hear this
So so common. Yes, there are so many programs of recovery that helps with exactly what you are going thru. Find a community. I do local AA and The Luckiest Club.
Evening Check In
Day 288
Day has been okay i guess. Feeling a bit lonely right now. Ive tried to reach out to a couple people just to chat but either they have their own stuff going on (like my mom), or they arent around. I have really realized how small my circle is. Im honestly also feeling down about my birthday coming up on Dec 3rd… Ive been trying to work thru this for about a week or so. I do well for a bit and then i get down about it. Being a December baby sucks to be quite honest. My birthday rarely, rarely gets celebrated. I guess my expecations are too high. And since my expectations dont get met, i get disappointed. This will be my 1st clean and sober bday in a long time so I was sort of excited about that. The key tho, is to not expect anything i guess. And if something does happen for my bday, thats a plus 
I always go out of my way to make everyone elses day special, but then when my bday comes around no one has $$ for anything due to xmas. Happens every. single. year lol i either get, “Ur bday gift will be late this year” or “combined with some other holiday” or nothing at all. Im not trying to be selfish or greedy. Im far from that. But if i was broke and someone had a bday, u better believe id at least go to the dollarstore and buy a card or make a card or put some effort into a meal or a free activity or something to spend time together. Not just nothing at all lol hubby is already mentioning how broke he is and my bday is the 3rd. Would be nice to do something. We shall see. Need to fix my thinking tho and stay in the present.
My SIL has a birthday on Christmas eve, she used to feel the same way. I think my BIL is on the 21st.
Mine is in January and I always hated that it was always cold when I was younger, lol
You’re like my sister, she does so much for others and gets disappointed all the time.
We can have a party here for you! 
I feel for u tho and ur bday being in January. It is cold and hard to do things outdoors. I also remember being jealous of the summer babies lol i do understand that money is tight but idk… lol
Thanks for making me smile!
Another day down! Just got home from a meeting…the fellowship gives me life…I belong and I’ve looked for that my entire life…I realized tonight I wouldn’t feel that sense of belonging or acceptance had I not looked inside myself first… something else I realized is in treatment I thought once I put some work in the effects of the trauma I went thru would magically be gone…that’s not real…the trauma will always be there but I have healthy ways to cope today…I can feel feelings and not get high…I have people who get it and shoulder those hard times with me… good night fam…
#fuckfent
#wedorecover
Checking in again. Day 535. Wasn’t the best; wasn’t the worst. Tomorrow is another one. Gotta wake up early and get the kids ready and off to school. Then busy day ahead. I will take it on clear and sober.
I’m also a binge drinker with lots of day 1s. We can do this. Try not to beat yourself up. Journal all those bad thoughts and feelings and then pull it out when you feel like you want to drink again.