Great job on 3 days, keep going 
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sending some hugs and hope this passes quickly for you
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Happy birthday ans congratulations on your 3 days 
@Scorpn Did i miss your 60 days Congratulations so proud of you
@Intothesun 15 days is amazing congrats.
@Thirdmonkey Congratulations on you 63 days tobacco free 
@waywardwanderer 3 days is amazing Congratulations
@ktiz congrats on your 5 days 
@icebear Congratulations on your 547 days, i swept all my front garden got all he leaves up, feels good now its all done.
I love this feeling too, its something i aim for each evening, doesnāt always happen but great when it does, its so easy for me to do nothing some days i have to keep a routine for myself.
Super proud of you best healing wishes to your boy too 
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Day 420 AF
Almost 1AM here. My wife woke me up from a dream.
Canāt remember exactly what the dream was about, but it was trippy. In the dream, we were in my momās apartment. We used to live with her back in the days. A lot of my drinking days happened there. In the dream, I was drinking and drunk messaging a girl. My wife was upset about it. We got into an argument and she stepped out of the room. She walked into another bedroom, but this bedroom turned into my parents old bedroom from my childhood days. I have a lot fucked up memories from that place. My dad would always drink and argue with my mom, and beat her a few times. Anyways, in the dream, I was drunk and stumbling. I saw my wife lying on a bed, but it was dark. I couldnāt really see her. I guess I was drunk that I was about to do something. Not sure what though. Something pulled me back. Like a spirit. I felt frozen and paralyzed. I felt chills. I was talking to this spirit/thing, and I told it to take me. That I was tired of all this. Tired of drinking, tired of lying. I donāt belong here no more. It felt like I was a different dimension. Itās hard to explain.
I talked to my wife about the dream. And I told her how I felt. I told her that I still feel bad for shit that I put her through. Itās hard to move on from it. My dad put my momās through hell and I was becoming just like him. This is not what I wanted. Itās a fucked up feeling.
I know I am not going to drink. But this sobriety is draining the fuck out of me mentally. Every day I am fighting. Canāt let go of certain things. Somedays I feel fine. Other days I feel like my head is gonna pop. Itās been over a year without booze and I feel like Iām back to Day 1. Shit is crazy.
I hope everyone has a good night. Much love. And congrats to those reaching milestones. Take care.
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217, checking in.
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It sounds as though this is part of healing.
Your not that person anymore, and drinking would surely only bring that part back.
i always have dreams about my trauma, sometimes it can stick with me all day, but im learning to brush it off and accept my Brain is trying to heal in its sleep - or at least i hope it is 
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Thanks for replying.
Yeah, Iām not going back to those days. I just need to move on and forgive my dad for what he did. Forget about everything. Itās gonna take time.
These dreams suck though. Canāt sleep now.
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1282
Have as good a day as you can all. Clean and sober. Love.
Pic is from 2009, Istanbul. City trip with my mother. Another thread made me think of it.
@GOKU2019 Hope youāre OK. Itās not about forgetting I feel. Or fighting. Itās about dealing with. Weāve became sober so we can deal with life and what happened in the past in healthier ways; instead of forgetting, hiding, running, anesthetizing. Itās hard work but itās a work of love and we can do it because weāre sober. Take care. Hugs.
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2 years today a great feeling to be sober and being able to spend it with family almost feels like ive just always been this way (sober). Thanls to God and His Grace anf Forgiveness. Also thanks sober family youve been a great help also.
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Day 64. All is good with me. One day at a time!
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Day 1 again. Completely stressed about the holidays. Flying up to my Momās along with my sisters and their husbands. I want to cancel but canāt. Iām sure Iāll be glad to see everyone. Itās just overwhelming. I feel this way every year. I think Iāll plan for a few additional days off for when I get back home.
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Day 852
Feeling pretty rubbish. The mood medication I am on is not advised for people with a history of breast cancer. I donāt know my history as my mum was adopted and donāt know who my dad was, but my mammogram showed calcification so Dr said probably should come off. Down to one pill a day for a month, then none. Perhaps that is why the fact that the kids and my husband going to stay at his sister and bil house without me at New Years is upsetting me. I was not invited. It just adds to my lesser family member paranoia. In some ways it makes sense, husband and bil hang out sometimes and if course it is his sister. But it is not like I have my own family to hang out with over the holidays. Japanese New Year is like Christmas, everyone hangs with family. So I will clearly just be home alone.
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Iām sorry Flo. I donāt know how this family stuff goes in Japan, but to me that sounds like a very unkind move, to say it lightly. Sorry for being forced of your medication too. Maybe time to look for some other medication? Hugs friend.
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Hey all, checking in on day 910. I hope everybody has a good one!
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My 6 months yesterday 
A great achievement
Me performing on stage at the big theatre in town last week
Some of my artworks in a fancy book
Things are good. I felt so down yesterday, lonely. But thereās so much to be happy and grateful for and I needed to remind myself
Feeling accomplished xx
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ThouÄ£h some will be drinking heavily, there are quite a few people who are quite controlled drinkers so Iāll be picky about who I sit with. That and Iāll be leaving at a reasonable time.
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You should feel accomplished! 
You are killing it!
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Sending positive thoughts your way friend. That sounds incredibly terrifying. Wow what a crazy dream (or nightmare i should say). I know its hard to forgive ourselves for what we put others thru but youre making amends everyday by staying sober. Im sure your wife sees your strength and perseverance everyday. Recovery is hard effin work. But drinking and using drugs is harder in my opinion. Ur doing so well. Keep at it friend. Thinking of you today and hoping your day gets better!
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,598.
God Bless!
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Good morning checking in on day 28, hope everyone has a blessed Sundayš
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