I canāt believe I have a whole week behind me!! Iām so in awe of how much the desire to smoke has subsided. It was such a struggle in the beginning but you all are so rightā just focus on that day, get through it, and THEN I can focus on the next.
Today was full of doctors appointments for me. So far I have no answers for my gastrointestinal issues, but Iām happy to report I now have surgery scheduled to deal with these painful hemorrhoids. Iām so excited for the saga to be overā¦ Iām nervous that the pain post-surgery will lead to relapse but, like I said earlier, all I can do right now is focus on today.
One more early shift and then itās a 4 day mini vacation for me. Yay! @Rockstar24777 Really happy to see you posted friend. Weāre in this together. Hugs. @everybody So many milestones! Hardly can keep up. Congrats all!
@Rockstar24777 I really cannot imagine that pain. That it becomes unbearable sometimes, is understandable. I have no words, just a listening ear if you ever need it.
Itās not even 6:30am here and Iām already struggling. I slept like total shit last nightā¦.I am addicted to nasal spray and have been for most of my life. Left my spray at home by accident and it completely ruined my sleep. I am insanely busy at work this week, with a wedding to do Saturday morning (which ALWAYS stresses me out). Also, I am meeting my boyfriendās parents for the first time Saturday evening. And I am a nervous wreck.
I still havenāt finished Christmas shopping. My therapist is on vacation this week so I wonāt have a session until next week. And I am STILL having issues with the collegeā¦I havenāt been able to do pre-orientation and sign up for classes yet, and school will be out next week until January.
Sorry I just came on here and kinda word vomited. Iām just having a moment and needed to write it all out I guess.
I just want to say how much this touched me. The image of you holding your son every night and wanting to be with him. It makes so much sense emotionally that this would be the case. It really shows one that āmental illnessā, as one could claim suicidality is, is not some weird illocigal brain malfunction but it is coping with and trying to solve the conflict that arises between a stark emotional truth and the truth of the rest of the world. You want to be with your son. Of course you do. But you also feel like you should not kill yourself. Of course you should not. There you go. It could not be more plainly laid out, all the sadness and tragedy of this situation that his death puts you in. I feel for you a lot. This is a heavy cross to bear.
Iām glad youāre with us Rob. You are a shining diamond amongst all the ppl in this forum and Iām sure in real life ppl feel the same about you. Youāre not alone.
Also, no one is sick of you or thinks you should keep that darkness in. Your darkness will be accepted and held if you choose to share it here.
Making plans to go to a British pub with a friend for New Years. We used to do drunk karaoke, etc, together, and when I mentioned I no longer drink she was like āok, so no pubs thenā and I responded āof course pubs are fine! Please go ahead yourselfā But looking at the menu and seeing cider, I felt a little sad. Surely I could handle some weak-ass pub cider? a teeny tiny part of my brain chimed up. Lordy, doesnāt take much for the addict voice to try it on, does it? It does seem to have a fair amount of cakes etc too, so going to treat myself that way.
Top of the Morning Everyone!! Itās hump day meaning the week is almost over. Hoping everyoneās week is going well and I hope that the rest of your week will help you grow mentally physically and spiritually in some way shape or form!!
Oh, then you are already in your holiday flat! I hope itās nice!
Iāll have two weeks off over the holidays. But, unfortunately, Iāll be in a shitty mood, because my contract is going to end in February and I donāt know what will follow.
Although I had some rough weeks I didnāt drink AND wasnāt even tempted to. Thatās huge 
