Checking in daily to maintain focus #50

It’s ok to feel slighted, like it would kill them to wish you happy birthday. It’s disrespectful. But it’s on them, not because of anything you did.
You stand tall and smile, they are missing out on a great lady. :hugs::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Its great to focus on the positives like u are but that doesnt diminish ur feelings and how hurt u feel :frowning: ur allowed to feel that way. It honestly hurts me to hear how u are treated at times. Has he ever been open to communication about these things? Like does he respond well to u addressing concerns? As for ur family… thats incredibly hurtful :broken_heart: Ive had important people in my life forget my bday and it stings for sure. Do u think its worth mentioning it to them? That their lack of love on ur bday was hurtful? Im just so sorry my friend. Wish i could hug you and take u out for a bday treat.

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:first_quarter_moon_with_face: Evening Check In :first_quarter_moon_with_face:
Day 309
Im feeling pretty okay tonight. I had a productive day. Did a work out and baked only 84 cupcakes instead of 96 like i planned. My batter only really made 21 cupcakes for each flavor :thinking: Anyway, i have them baked and boxed with siran wrap over them to keep them fresh until tomorrow when i decorate. Thats my favorite part :slight_smile:
My husband worked only until noon today due to the cold so he was home early. That was nice. Hes home the next 2 days due to the weather also.
My eating was good today! Well i still have 3 hours to go until i head to bed lol but so far its been good. No overeating or binging. I feel good about what i ate today too.
I guess thats it for today. Stayed clean and sober for another day! Plan to do that tmrw also!
Have a great night everyone!
:butterfly:

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Day 70!!! Having a heavy day for some reason. Been crying all day on and off. Super stressed and can’t pinpoint a solid reason. Just feeling human feelings. Good news is I had an opportunity to bring a bottle of wine home from work today and I didn’t. Having tea and crying instead. :sparkles: hope every one has a good night!

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@Luna2022 its challenging staying away from drinking friends. Finding some sober friends was a must for me. There are a lot of fun sober people out there, believe me. Gotta go find them. I also thoroughly enjoy The Luckiest Club community online.
@Sirluca I can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience. You are right, you absolutely can get back to the magic of living sober. Just takes time. 4 months was a big deal for me. Something shifted.
@Misokatsu I really don’t know what to say except that I’d like to fly your butt here to KC so we could celebrate your birthday the way you deserve. Please know how admired you are, even from thousands of miles away.

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Sorry you’re feeling depressed … also sorry that if you drank ( you said ‘reset’ which is positive) you would not come back here. ….

We would worry about your general welfare and well-being I think more than whether or not you drank.

I’ll speak for myself.
I would want you safe and happy.
As a drinker if you honestly thought that was what you wanted in your life, and as a non drinker if that’s what you want.

If you just disappeared I would mourn for you and hope that you would return.

Idea: Write that list of reasons you would like to stay a non drinker and beside it write your list of why you would want to drink. Give it strong consideration.

In the meantime, just for today do not drink.

A lot of what you seek you’re not going to find in a bottle. Most people just find more bottle.

I’m in great admiration of you and lots that you do. I hope you will find good balance in your life.

Hugs

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1291
Have as good a day as you can all. Love.

Saw this trio play the house down in Paradiso last night. Got the tickets over two years ago, they were rescheduled twice. Funny how in my mind the band had changed from Go Go Penguin to The Penguin Cafe. Turned out to be Go Go Penguin after all. Awesome show. Sober and clean. While I thought I’d never enjoy live music sober. It’s all lies. Life is not easier but it sure is better now. X

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Day 80
Today the whole office is going to have a christmas dinner at a Sushi restaurant :yum:
There will be alcohol. Doesn’t bother me, everyone knows that I don’t drink.
It’ll be good :+1:
Have a beautiful sober day friends and stay strong :kissing_heart:

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Late check in on day 14 (woah)

Had another doc appointment and a long day at work, but I also went to the fashion doll section of Target on a whim hoping to see what the Bratz are like these days and discovered Rainbow High dolls instead. Went from having never heard of them to having 3 (Jewel and the Storm twins), watching all of season 3 on YouTube (twice), and Delilah is on the way! My inner child is so happy :hugs:

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Checking in 355 days!

So, yesterday was a big christmas party at my work, I had decided not to go, because Norwegian christmas partys is all about drinking, and I dont drink anymore, and to be honest I dont know if I could stayed strong enough to say no.

Anyway, on my way home from work I saw all the preperations, decorations and insane ligthworks, it all look so awsome and I tougth omg its going to be so much fun! Then I feelt tears pressing on and running down my check, I wish I could go, I felt so sad.

I changed and went to go home, then I feelt so wierd my body feelt strange, my head and mind some kind of dizzy, I did not feel like my self, like something wrong was going on, I felt like i was going to faint or die. I got so scared, I could not sit to wait for my buss, I dtarted walking thinkig Im going to collaps soon, should I call an ambulance?? Kept walking all the way home. Feelt strange, terrible, scared, sure now I will die.

And Im like, is this the heavy anxiety coming back, again? Am I going back to that hell? I cant do that shit again, I cant and I dont want.

So here I am wondering what the F*** is going on, is my body giving in and this is the end, or is this just anxiety all over again. Feeling my whole body is tensed and not my self, press in my chest wich in my head of course is my hart having problems. Soon off to last day at work, all I want is hide.

Sorry for the long post.

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Have you sought professional help for your anxiety?

I got some help in 2020,but it was not the rigth help and did not help much. Now I dont get help, all they say is nothing is wrong with you everything is fine.

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Thank you Alisa.
I deleted the posts. Have to find a new way how to deal with things.

New melody.
New playlist!
@Dazercat s metapher.

I expect to stay sober.

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Thanks.

Don’t know what I should learn from this answer. Feels rough and my summary is “do not complain”. Deleted the posts.

Nice day :panda_face:

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Hey there.

What you describe sounds rough and very unpleasant. I am sorry you felt this way. If I saw correctly you are nearing your one year mile stone, is that right? Do you think this might play a role? I had mine a few weeks back and also felt a bit panicky around it. For me it was mainly the realisation, that I actually made it the full year. And something like "now what? " entered my mind. It got a lot better when I made myself aware that it is still just one day at a time. Although it felt like some magic should have happened around a milestone, it is just one more day of my life I get to design, shape and live the way I should and always wanted to. Maybe this is what’s happing to you as well? Here is what @Mephistopheles answered to me and I found comforting and helpful.

Either way, I hope you’ll feel better soon and it’s always good to talk it out. We are here for you. Sending hugs

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Checking in day 10, have a great day everyone

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:high_brightness: Very early mornijg check in :high_brightness:
Day 310
Ive been awake since, well yesterday at 615am. I am almost at the 24 hour mark. My sons homecare nurse wasnt able to come due to car issues. I couldve bitched about it, but what good would that have done. Bitching wouldn’t have made her show up. So anyway, ive been awake for almost 24 hours. Im soo beat. I was initally triggered by being awake at odd hours of the morning. It always triggers me. But i worked thru it by reminding myself of my purpose for being awake right now. I have alot of things to do today. Coffee will be my best friend I think bcuz idk how else to gain the energy i need. Anyway, hope everyone has an addiction free day!
:butterfly:

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It was really not my intention to say shut up and don’t complain. I am sorry you interpreter it that way. It was a real question and I was thinking that also here sometimes we get expectations of our recovery from what others have already achieved.
So I deleted it myself.

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Day 4
Slept like shit tonight, again.
6 am I decided to just go to work.
Talked with co-workers for like 2 hours on the bosses time, felt really good :slight_smile:
It feels so good to have quit that job. But I will miss it a lot. I really like the team. But my narcissistic boss has really fucked me up mentally.
So much clarity now that I’m not blocking out all my thoughts.
I’m tired and grumpy though, but that’s just withdrawal I suppose.

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Morning of day 2. Not feeling well. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and then stressful dreams when I did. Anxiety spiked after just half a cup of coffee, so I guess I’m switching to decaf. Two more days of work until vacation. I need to try to have a productive days. It’s just hard with the headaches and anxiety. I am happy to have finished my most recent crocheted blanket and get to gift that to a friend this week. That’s my 5th one this year that I’ve made and given away. I enjoy creating something beautiful and cozy. Tempted to go get more yarn today, but really I should be focusing on preparing for my trip.

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