Hey everyone. Thought that maybe I should start checking in again over here. Was sober for almost two years, threw it away, and have struggled since with, well, kind of everything. Can’t say that it is because of the alcohol but it definitely hasn’t made things easier. Anyway, here I am.
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Welcome back Jenna. I’m sorry to hear things aren"t wonderful.
The good news is: you can work at it and you don’t have to do it alone. 
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Hey! It’s so good to hear from you although I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. Welcome back 
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Welcome Jen.
Missed you 
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Second check in today
I’m so happy about how calm I am today. No fear at all. The last weeks have been hard.
Usually I’m a mess when I have more than 1 appointment per day. I even was relaxed on the dentist chair 
Now therapy for my back, then heading home to munch pizza 
It was a long day, left the apartment at 6am, now it’s almost 8pm 
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Good to see you checking in. I hope you’ll stick around a bit, if it’s only reading. It helps me to stay connected when I am struggling.
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Good to see you Jenna. Welcome back. We’re in this together.
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Hi everyone, My mum’s okay and doing well, just got back home 6:40pm
Today has been a weird one like time stopped just taking it all in.
I hope your all okay today 
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,606.
God Bless!
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day 92
On site and its raining going to be a long cold and wet day, but its still another day sober so thats all good.
Will definitely be looking forward to going home today.
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My brother decided to do some indoor woodworking 
And Lego is delicate. If it isn’t cooperating I don’t smack it with a hammer, that’s what my forehead is for
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And she’s back! Hey sister. I know you’re going through a rough patch now, but it’s great to hear from you.
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Checking in. Day 73
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Hey girl,
I am with you, okay…
I would really just like to sit with you and letting the shit pass by!
Knowing we are both not alone.
Big hug 
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Happy Happy Birthday Fleur!
Thanks for being you
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Sometimes the promises come quickly and sometimes slowly but they ALWAYS materialize if we work for them. Honestly girl… sometimes it takes a bit for our goals to come to light. Or for those things we wanted to have happen since getting sober… sometimes it takes a bit. But they will happen as they should happen. BUT i guarentee they wont happen for us if we use or drink. Thats a promise also. Youre doing the right thing by talking about it. I find everytime i near a milestone, i get emotionally weird and weird thoughts pop up. It could be bcuz of ur 5 month milestone coming up. Just keep moving foward like ur doing u got this!
Also sometimes a gratitude list helps when im down. Maybe checking out the gratitude thread would help just a thought. It helps me alot!
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I use to romanticize the all mighty grape quite a bit plowing through my first year. It drove me crazy. I didn’t want to drink. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. And my next Holiday maybe I’d have some. It really was terrible. I just could never get it out of my head. I just keep thinking “I’m not drinking today. And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow!” And I’d change things up a bit. Like put on some different music. Take my walk in a different direction. Little things like that to purposely screw with my head.
5 months is a pretty big deal. It got pretty frightening around this time for me thinking I can’t stop stopping now.
You know we got your back.
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It’s only been 24 hours and I’m feeling the withdrawals. Headache. Major spike in anxiety. Feel fairly awful. I think im crazy for trying to get sober right before the holidays. But if not now, when? My biggest trigger is my mental health. When I get feeling more depressed or overly anxious, I want something to numb myself. The holidays are a huge source of anxiety for me. Im trying to summon the courage to talk to my sister (the less judgmental one). I think it would help to have someone in my corner. Im crying just thinking about getting through the week visiting with them all. I feel like such a grinch. I don’t have any trauma associated with my family. It’s just my depression and getting overwhelmed easily. I’ll at least have my own room I can escape to. Sorry I’m rambling. Feeling lonely and want someone to talk to.
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@Jennajen Welcome back. I am sorry it is not for more positive reasons. Let’s keep on working it together.
Day 861
So neither sister in law wished me a happy birthday yesterday, and neither did my own brother. I checked on the message history, I sent my sisters in law a happy birthday message on their birthdays, and of course I always do my own brother. And my husband’s birthday present to me was to come home and announce he’s quit his job. He has been complaining about it, but saying that he couldn’t quit because of various reasons, then yesterday suddenly he just quit. We have savings, and his work is in elderly care, and famously plenty of old people in Japan, but the lack of discussion erks me. But even if he finds a new job, he will be back at entry level salary again (in Japan for salaried jobs, you get incremental increases the longer you are there, so start a new job that goes back to zero). I know that you see what you look for, but all I see the last few days is lack of concern or respect for me.
Edit - argh, sorry for the pity party. Everyone is healthy. I am sober. Soon will be the winter vacation. Gotta focus on some positives. 
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