Recently, I got new tires for my car. I got them off eBay. Mr. Cheapo here doesn’t understand that concept of You Get What You Pay For.
Anyways, I installed 3 of them, and held off on the 4th because it was getting late and cold that night. Plus, the existing tire wasn’t going flat and still has a little tread. I drove the car for about a month and decided, that as snow started to appear, it was time to put on the fourth tire. So I did last Thursday. But on Friday, a big bubble was forming on my sidewall. I ordered another tire, but I’m still waiting for it to arrive in the mail.
My car is almost 20 years old. I cannot just walk into a tire shop to purchase my size because they don’t carry it in stock. So I have to order them online.
Anyways, my tire gave up on Sunday. So yesterday, I decided to put on a used one that I had laying in my backyard. When I get it on, it’s clear that it has a huge leak in the sidewall. So I had to try again with one more old tire that I had left. Hoping it would work, I finally got it on this morning. And it still holds. I’ll probably have to keep it inflated, but it should hold until my new tire arrives in a few days. Whew!
Anyways, my family is cleaning our messy house to prepare for our son. He’s arriving with his girlfriend in a few days.
And I haven’t lusted or fantasized since day 57. I’m finally winning this battle in my mind. That’s where the real war is at. When I first came on TS, I really wasn’t ready to tackle on this problem with my thoughts and my lust. God had so much to teach me over the years. And He used TS in a big way to change me. It hasn’t been instant; that’s for sure. But God was always there. Instilling His plan in my life. I’m sure He knew all along that this was going to be a long process. His timing is different than mine.
Maybe thats where its coming from, my subconscious. Because Im not thinking to much about it my self, but maybe its all in my subconscious, showing it self this horrible way. Im very happy to soon reach one year, and will keep my mind on staying on track, not falling off foe what ever reason my mind could for some reson tell me. Even if im almost one year, I know I still have a problem and can not drink even one glass.
@Jennajen welcome back sorry to hear you’ve been struggling but congrats on coming back to try again @Misokatsu I’m just so sorry for the way you are being treated @JDHealing sending strength @Sabrina80 congrats on 80 days @ktiz congrats on 2 weeks @meg2 congrats on double digits @mx_elle sorry you’re struggling, sending strength I use guided meditations when I need to feel grounded, they help me a lot, I also use sleep meditations because I struggle with sleep issues too, thought I’d share @Andrea4 congrats on your progress @KarenKW there are other medications for Anxiety, I’d suggest speaking to your medical professional, your current medications don’t seem to be effective enough. Sending strength
862 days no alcohol.
327 days no cocaine.
Spent a lot of time making phonecalls to sort out my car insurance renewal for 9th Jan, eventually got it sorted, and cheaper than my renewal quote, it’s still quite a bit more expensive than last year, but then, so is everything else. It is what it is.
It’s so much warmer here in the UK than it has been recently, I haven’t needed my heating on today at all.
I’ve been feeling unsteady mentally, but have managed it with meditations and that helped, so did coming here, it always does.
Two days after the 2 year milestone. More calm now after venting to my therapist today. Looking back this milestone did more to me than I wanted to admit. A lot of fear and anxiety related to it. The fear that everything would have been for nothing, the anxiety that some kind of apocalypse would take place at this landmark. But of course none of that happened. I’m strong in my sobriety, but falling back to zero at this milestone unconsciously scared the shit out of me. Looking and feeling now my body was preparing/bracing itself for a shot of alcohol must have memorized the numerous relapses after certain milestones, it’s holiday reasoning etc. in the past. It is however the longest time sober I have ever been . Now more seeing it as a birthday, feeling just the same as before. The sober journey countinues one day at a time
Day 18
Got a “working interview” tomorrow nervous but thankful for the chance. Feel awful and very weak today. Just going to rest and hope I feel better when I wake up tomorrow.
The struggle with sleeping sucks though. I’m restless as fuck when sleeping since stopping, but what you have sounds even worse I hope it gets better over time.
Day 878
I guess I’ll check in seeing as how I’ve had some thoughts of drinking lately and I’ve just been a bit mental. I’m ok. I had the epiphany that I might always be unhappy no matter where I am, maybe it’s not the place, maybe it’s just me. And my attitude. Took moving across the country to figure that one out. Working on it.
Second check in
It was a good day with a lot of laughter. The food was yummy but contained tons of fat We had too much fried Sushi and less of the classic Sushi.
I was not tempted to drink I didn’t even think about it nor did I order anything like alcoholfree beer. I had a soft drink I rarely have and enjoyed it.
Now shower and bed, I’m tired af
See you tomorrow guys
Day 35! Booya! I am ready for Xmas. I am looking svelte. I have had fleeting thoughts about the ‘just 1 drink,’ but I have yelled at myself each time and imagined having to type in here that I slipped again. That snapped me out of it. I love waking up proud of myself every morning. It is a feeling that builds.
I hope you will be well in your break . @Faugxh often puts a boar in her messages, I don’t think it is making fun of you. The issue of expectations / joy of sobriety / work, is a balance, I think. It is ok to expect life to be better after we quit our doc. Otherwise why quit at all? But indeed sobriety is not a cure all, and while it provides a base to work on the things that trouble us (and those things may have helped the addiction along) it does not directly fix those things. That is up to us. And that is probably a lifelong effort. I am certainly feeling the same way. After more than two years, why am I not all fixed yet? Why is my marriage, social life, work not perfect? Because I am still riddled with character liabilities, past negative experiences, etc and I still need to work on understanding and improving myself, for the rest of my life.
sorry to hear you’ve been struggling 
but congrats on coming back to try again 
I hope it gets better over time.
Sending you lots of love today. 
We had too much fried Sushi and less of the classic Sushi.
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