I just found out that Gas will become more expensive again. It first increased in summer and now again. It will be a extra plus this time of 60-70% for my region
I have fear.
Iām alone, I donāt have the best paid job in my field, Iām chronically ill and a damn addict.
Goddamn!
Foodprices and Energyprices are insane, Germany has the highest energyprices in the world.
Iām so sick of this damn sh*t really, oh my God!
Edit: I wonāt drink. I know that wonāt change one damn thing. I just had to rant.
Gonna scream into my pillow now.
I was going to say when I read your post that although it triggered these memories and feelings that actually you have come so far and I really hope you can feel some super proud feelings in there too you know how Iām soooooo sooooo proud of you
Youre absolutely right! Theres days when i get so annoyed or stressed or frustrated about my day and then realize that the problems i have today were literally the problems i wish i had when i was using. Gratitude in full force today! Ans yhank you for your support
You absolutely will! All we have is today, these 24 hours, to stay focused on recovery and do the next right thing. I truly do believe in u and ur ability to get more time under ur belt With support its so much easier to stay focused. I couldnt do recovery without you all
Checking in, day 789. The end of the last year was quite sad and also upsetting but over all Iām surprisingly balanced nowadays. I pretty much closed two important relationships of mine and am trying to open a new chapter. Itās a loss, but also a chance to feel/be more independent emotionally. I still have difficulties having any sense of the future, but as for my plans Iāll try to socialize more and find peace in solitude too. I do appreciate myself more than ever so thatās a good start, but at the same time Iām quite afraid of the upcoming low point which I regularly have and which I guess will be worse this time due to the shortage of my meds.
Iāve started a new job this week. New people, routines and learning the ācodesā of new collegas. Tired. Anxiety kicks in, nervous, and i know i can fit in. Day 2006 and struggeling today.
Thanks for checking in Lola. And reminding us how cunning an opponent addiction is. 2006 Days in and today it sees its chance to gnaw at your resolve. It sees its chance to whisper its old lies in your ears, to say it would help you to fit in, to take away your nervousness and anxiety.
Thanks for being here and not giving in to the voice. Together weāre strong and together we will make it through to tomorrow and another sober day. You got this and we got you. Congrats on your new job. I hope it will be a good fit. I started a new one 7 months ago and I know how it feels. Iām doing really well in it now. And I dared to go for another job because I am sober.
Hope youāll fit in too. Just be absolutely sure drinking is not going to help you with anything. Have a good night and a good day tomorrow friend. Sober. Hugs.
Duuuude!! That sounds absolutely righteous! Iād love to do that one of these days.
Thatās cool. But when I go to the gym, I just think āHey, Iām looking stupid and weak in public.ā Iād love to enjoy working out so I wouldnāt give up on it so easily. @mamador Good to see you checking in again. Wondered what happened to you.
I absolutely get this, Tomek. I try to picture a future and it just seems like fantasy, nothing thatās actually going to happen. I think that mentality factors into my relapses to a large extent.
Day 10
Not a lot to report. My appointment for my lung function test was moved from a local clinic to the hospital in Lawrence, about 25 miles away. A Greyhound is only $10 but the bus leaves at 5pm. So Iād have to leave the night before and camp out somewhere. Until I got a call from my MH team. The disability specialist is going to give me a ride! Great news for me. Also heard from my HP. Most things in my life are settling into place, but Iām still worried about employment. She just said, āI didnāt let you lose your apartment, did I? Donāt worry about a job.ā
So I feel pretty good today.
Have a good sober day, fam. Iāll check a bit later.
Daughter back in school and at her mums, wife back in work. So, I had the day to myself as Iām not opening back up till Monday. Exercised, played some games and generally just sat and did things I love. Itās never selfish to take time out to do the things you love.
My main achievement of the day was cleaning the fridge out. I never ever did shit like that whilst I was using and now Iām sober I realise itās a major must drawers out and washed, all food out and inside completely sparkling, very happy with myself. Small things like that, even now, put a spring in my step.
I still smile everytime I get in the shower in the morning like ācheck me out, being a normal motherfucker and shittttttā
Today was a good day because I chose it to be. Sure, I could have let a couple of things gnaw away at me but, fuck em. People will be fuckers. Let them fucker on.
Peace my sober brothers and sisters. Another one done.
Checking in day 19. Yesterday was a little tougher of a day
Did what I had to, to get through it. Today was a little bit better. Ebbs and flows I guess? Have a good day/night people.
you know how Iām soooooo sooooo proud of you 
drawers out and washed, all food out and inside completely sparkling, very happy with myself. Small things like that, even now, put a spring in my step.
How bout you. You alright?