467 Days
Tough weekend, got through it some how.
Glad to be back here I missed you all 
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Twizzle big hugs. I thought about you all weekend. I was wondering what was happening with the pizza dough and with you. Big big hugs and lots of love.
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thatās so thoughtful and means allot to read
The pizzas did get made in the end, they were nice, Iām just taking it easy tonight going to get takeout.
Plan to get back to cooking tomorrow as it gives me something to look forward to in the evening.
Thankyou for thinking of me hope your doing ok yourself too ?
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Iām fine Iām at the vet with my kitty cat. Itās just the annual sheās doing fine. Will ask about the oregano also.
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Glad itās just regular check up I have mine all on the bed with me having hugs
Hope all goes well 
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Hi guys just want apologise last time on sure a was fucked no excuses for doing wen tough gets tough its wat a done back here and not mentioning ma days just getting on with it this time back with the wife after a chain of fucked up events hope everyone good
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It will get better. But just keep reminding yourself that this can be the absolute last time you ever have to feel this way if you want to.
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Welcome back
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Checking in. Day 95
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Checking in at 5 days sober
Today was a pretty good day but Iāv had a headache
Stay strong
If you fell yesterday get back up
If you fell today, come back because sobriety is worth it. It could save a life
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Tomorrow will be three days without a drink, hasnāt been that long in so long (and a week without THC good lawd). Checking in, maintaining focus. Yāall make me feel like I can do this.
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thankyou, I am in a better place now. I find it difficult sometimes to say Iām struggling, silly I know, especially when I have all of you here you think Iād know better by now
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You can do this. 
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Tomorrow is my day 3 also. Really want to make a better version of myself. Congrats on your days 
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Evening Check in
Day 331 Substance free
Day 9 Binge free
So today started out soooo well. Like things were going perfectly and nothing was going wrong. Then life hits haha But surprisingly I feel like Ive been handling everything super well!
First off, i got news that we have no homecare tonight for my sonā¦ meaning I have to do the awake overnight shift after being awake since 515am today. So not looking forward to that but I did pray about it just asking for strength to get thru it and to look at this situation with gratitude.
Then i was experiencing anxiety bcuz i had to go into a very sketchy area of the city which I hate doing. I had to go to the main office for my job to sign some paperwork so that I could basically continue working there and had no choice but to go into this area. I managed thru that and just focused on getting from point A to point B. Wasnt triggered of using or anything but i dont like being in that area in general. Theres always alot of problems at the train stations with drugs and violence and whatnot. I just dont like it.
You knowā¦ no matter what had happened today, i feel like Ive managed thru it pretty well. Prayer this morning and thruout the day really helped me. Like really did. My outlook on what life handed me today has been quite positive surprisingly. Im not āfightingā things which I normally would do. The serenity prayer always helps me determine what i cant change (people, places, situations) and what I can change (me and my outlook), and then to be able to tell those things apart.
On another noteā¦ I definitly saw my HP working in my life today. The more i open my eyes, the more i can see how my HP is working in my life on a daily basis. There were about 4 situations today that could have been frustrating ones for me but something or someone just happened to be there to ease that situation. So its definitely my HP working thru people etc. I also no longer have to work at the hospital beginning February. Soooo thats a huge plus!!
Anywayā¦ thats about it for today. Hope everyone is having a decent day! Hugs!
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Happily checking in on day 12 
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Days
92 substance free
9 self harm free
55 not restricting food
I worked today from 830-345. A much more manageable day! I went to the grocery store with a meal plan for the rest of this weekās dinners, and spent just under $200. Which is less than i was expecting. But still a lot for just dinnersā¦Iāll try next week to lower that to under $150. I didnāt have much for dinner myself, because I wanted to be sure the kids had their fill. But I did eat. And even gave myself a treat of some chocolate. Something, I wouldnāt have been ok with a few months ago.
I notice the positive changes in myself. 
I am a bit stressed with life in general, but Iāll push through. Feelings of not being enough are poking upā¦i think because I spoke to my manager about taking the next steps in the company, and she said she thinks it will be a good idea. And I have some pretty strong self sabotage tendenciesā¦ I am good at my job, and I know more than most others in my position about the jobā¦so logically speaking, it makes senseā¦Iām just not good at letting good things happen. I will try to work on this.
Self harm marks have healed. I am relieved, and yet I have the nagging feeling that since they are gone, i should have more. I know this is not true, and will tell my addict to shut up! I am stronger than it is, at least for now. And i am so grateful for that.
Sending hugs to each of you
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Day 3, another day of school and another decent day
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Awe thanks friend! U totally made me amile with ur comment 
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Thanks for mentioning me in the āYou Are Missedā thread @M-be-free49
Nobodyās interacted with me in ages on here, so itās actually nice to hear from you, and a good opportunity to open up a little bit actually, Iāve been on and off this app but reluctant to post too much for some reasonā¦
Iāve been sober since just before the New Year, again, and have no intention of relapsing! 
This year is somewhat meaningful for me, not only with my birthday being on the 5th too, but kind of culminating all of my effort from over the years with 100% certainty about my intention to quit my addictions one day and way or another! I know itāll be hard, these are hardwired habits and serious escapist dependencies after allā¦
I usually relapse after the 1-2 week mark out of sheer boredom or loneliness, but having moved to a beautiful new sharehouse near the botanics, and with all lessons learned from previous relapses like early intervention, avoiding triggers and really trying to push my comfort zone, particularly socially (ālife begins at the end of your comfort zoneā) I want from the bottom of my heart, to turn my successful purpose into a reality ODAAT.
This whole past year, literally most of my focus has been on quitting: trying and relapsing over and over - sometimes days, other times a week or two (once even 1-2 months!) and 100% increasing my resolve in the process. Actually one thing I did learn to some extent was not to see my addictions and sobriety as much through an āobsessive compulsiveā lenseā¦ I.e. there should be no date, prerequisite, big event or mood that decides when Iām ready to try, no matter how tempting or uncomfortable. I know thatās easier said than done, and it sounds hypocritical having chosen this year to mean something special, but even before then, the last few times it often only took a day or two, sometimes the same day to get back into trying as opposed to going through a shitstorm of emotions and self-sabotage for unknown periods of time each time I fell back, and waiting for an external input to revive my effort.
I havenāt seen a psychologist nor been on this app for a while as Iāve felt unsure what to say given the drawn out nature of my recoveryā¦ I canāt just post failure and ask for help after failure and asking for help, as itād drain anyone surelyā¦ Maybe put pressure on those who can help but would just be repeating themselves haha, or even demotivate people Iāve helped before, idkā¦ Overthinking obviously. As for the psychologist, as necessary and helpful as it was in so many ways, it wasnāt my main help, as how I felt and what I had to say depended on my sobriety: either I had relapsed and wanted/needed to quit again, or was acing it on cloud9 for a few weeks, unsure what new news to say other than I thought I had it because of blah - and only seeing them when youāre down is not exactly ideal either as it leaves you alone when you need support specifically during craving phasesā¦
My work has actually surprisingly really helped me, not only giving me a steady occupation and distraction - something I āneed to doā - but also enabling a lot of social interaction which isnāt easy to come by outside of, and that gradual comfort around and opening up to people is definitely good. I finally reached out to some of my former friends (from before my nervous breakdown 2 years ago) to wish them a happy new year wherever they are and genuinely apologise with an honest explanation for my unexpected disappearance (something I admittedly couldnāt pull myself together to do). Depression and addictions suck but I need to admit them if I want to learn to work through and overcome themā¦ And I know they can be, as my initiative has often reversed them before - itās ALL about perspective, courage and persistence.
Otherwise right now Iām quite happy, I feel like I know what needs to be done, why and how - when has become obviousā¦ Todayās plan includes going for a jog, doing work out, eating well, doing some (urgent) bureaucratic paperwork stuff, meditating, shopping and trying to end the day with as much gained as possible as I want to learn to appreciate and always improve the time I spend in this relatively short lifeā¦
So a belated happy new year everyone, this year will change us all - intended or unintended, depending on how much we really want to master a sober lifeā¦ 
Thanks @M-be-free49 again for leading me to post after some while in the first place too, thatās the butterfly effect in action right there! 
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