Day 1,5 free from alcohol
Day 142 free from toxic relationships
Day 52 regular eating
Second clean evening after relapsing few days.
Can’t hardly resist the cravings.
Store will close in 20 mins, i will stay here.
Not sure how to resist over NYE and to be honest, anyhow.
Had social interaction today for a nice excursion with a couple i get to know here on holiday. Swimming at a rough beach in the end was beautiful. Had good seafood afterwards together. That was good.
Love
Checking in
Day 320
Just thought id come on and wish everyone a good addiction free day! Day has been busy for me. Had another awful sleep ao didnt workout this morning. But i did run some errands with my son. Got groceries, a bus pass, my meds, and of course a coffee 
surprisingly i wasnt a stressed out mess being around people today. I actually enjoyed the outting! Now we are home and finishing up lunch. Going to tidy this place up and then play with some xmas toys with my son. Then work this weekend with my client who is still on the mental health unit at the hospital. Thats about it for me
Have a great day everyone!
@Twizzlers and me will be with you at the “swim game”… (atm just swimming daily in the atlantic, tracking is difficult cause gps is mostly missing) 
I would like to build up a new hobby next to Yoga, too. I would prefer ice bathing, that would be a seasonal thing but why not. In the warmer months biking is also nice, maybe to be combined with daily topics, like doing groceries and so on. Hm but what else… I love dancing but that is something I would really be afraid of valuation from others and the social interaction at all. I don’t want to make too many goals for the new year, but I think i will do a little ritual tomorrow!
Thanks for sharing your understanding from therapy about the SH and it’s ways to show in several binging. I really feel the same.
Drinking, nonsense sex, earlier drugs,
direct SH too. … Food is my lifelong obsession, I am out of binging and over/undereating since no more restricting that much.
Since my relaps on alcohol, I am binging YouTube shorts and it’s making my mind so monkeyish! Although I hate it and it makes me feel bad, I am doing it.
If you find a solution, please let me know 
Checking in day 14. After last week being about -10 degrees in the northeast part of the states, today damn near hit 60. This weather is fucked up. This is what I consider one of those trigger days. Its Friday been a long week, and it feels like spring in late December. I’m good now though, I threw on a recovery podcast on hour drive home from work, made some coffee when I got in, and I’m just gonna hit the gym later after it’s not so crowded. Than I’ll probably just hang out in the house, maybe on here for a little bit with you all on this Friday night. 
Solid plan my friend! #winning
Day 4
Congratulations to @Wakikki !! I remember how it felt the first time I got one year. Awesome, isn’t it?
Got some good news today: I still have my housing assistance!
But, I do have to vent. As we head into the new year, there’s a couple of things weighing on me.
I’m hesitant to open up because many, if not most, people have bigger problems than I do. But I have to talk about it for my own sanity.
I have no family. Both parents are dead, my brother hasn’t spoken to me since '98, and I’ll never have kids. I thought I had accepted this. I was actually just ignoring it. In reality, I’m horribly lonely at the holidays.
The second is my COPD diagnosis. Strange how fast it hits you. Three months ago I was gearing up to hike the Camino de Santiago. Now I can’t walk 3 blocks without gasping for air. Backpacking is the only thing I love (other than drinking). Now I can’t do it. My only outdoor activity will be frontcountry camping.
Think of it like this: if backpacking was a “gold medal” then frontcountry camping would be a “participation trophy”. It just isn’t the same, by a long shot.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Thank you for putting up with me.
Hi. It will be day 5 tonight. I usually want to drink on fridays after work. But not doing it. Dont even have the urge.
@Butterflymoonwoman i didn’t get a chance to reply after I reached out when I was having a tough time a few days ago. This silly season, we’ve had lots of guests and neighbourhood children around over the holidays. I really appreciate your advice on having different routines for different types of days. I am starting to realise I only really have a set healthy routine for my work days, and even now they are a bit all over the place because I’ve started a new job. So I’m going to make a solid effort to plan a few different ways to approach a routine when my days differ, one for the new work days, one for the weekends and a type of day structure for my days off. I need to be more adaptable. I really admire the way you are able to adapt to some challenging circumstances and still make it work for you. Thanks for the advice 
@Twizzlers i also didn’t get a chance to say Thankyou for your really nice reply. You are so right, the support I feel when I’m struggling here, it’s like a big family we can lean on, I’m very grateful for you and being able to lean on the kind people here 
@Wakikki- Huge congrats to you on your 1 year, such a great accomplishment!
Glad to hear your doing a bit better now 
I totally understand when we are struggling sometimes just reading and having support is all we have energy for, there’s never a rush or pressure to reply 
We do more than just put up with ya. We love ya and want you to be sober and happy. Vent away my friend. We are here for you
Thank you so much, I love all of you too! 
Is this just a spell, will those symptoms subside? That sucks. I’m glad you still have your housing. Major relief.
Housing was the first thing on my mind; it was a huge relief knowing I’ve still got it. Don’t know about the symptoms yet. Got a lung function test on the 25th of Jan. if I can get to Lawrence.
Day 6. It’s been good, went to a wedding where I acted as the best man for a buddy of mine. It was nice and I was happy to do it for him. He was stressed out but it was a good time
Day 1517.
Today is pretty alright, all things concerned.
But I’m really tired of fighting, in terms of my mental health. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it is no less acute to me now than it has been previously.
I’ve been living in a state of sub-crisis for months now, having to talk down and de-escalate myself so many times. But I’m not new to this, I know by now that no matter how tired I get, there is always a way to find enough energy for “just the rest of today”. And somehow the same will be true tomorrow. It won’t always be this way. I’m at my longest span of time out of the hospital in years, and this is because I’m better at coping than I used to be. I’m more able to bend without breaking.
Even so, though, today is no easier than the others. Though okay for now, I feel my emotions tugging at the tenuous grip I have confining the dangerous self-narratives I can’t seem to banish. I still wonder if I’m going to need help to stay safe today or tomorrow. I know how to navigate to that help if it comes to it, but I am still scared.
It helps that you guys are here, and that you listen. That you care. Even if I haven’t been around lately. I’ve been way too isolated and I’m really grateful to have this ability to connect.
Still lots on my mind but this post is long enough… let’s both finish today sober, friend none of us has to do this alone.
Spending a lot of time reading today. Not a lot to say.
I’m on days
81 substance free
211 self harm free
45 no restricting food
I’m not having a great time. But I’ll make it through without getting high. That much i am confident in.
I am sending out big to everyone who needs an extra one today 
Hiiiii!
Sorry to read things are hard but seeing that little fox on my feed when I logged in… Well I’m just so happy to see you.
Welcome home 
I’m sorry. The holidays can be tough when you are by yourself. I’m into multi day hiking trips too, I feel your loss
Day 300
Still sober. Need to get up and clean tomorrow. Its just…not happening tonight. But I did write, work, and errands.
Goodnight 
