Courage everyone, another day another opportunity to defeat our worst habits called addiction.
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2 weeks and so grateful my sleep routine is nearly there, the workouts i have been doing have really helped with that.
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Morning friends.
16 days sober. Ups and downs but moving in the right direction.
Hope everyone has a good day.
xxx
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It sounds as though you have allot going on 
but maybe still time to let things not get overloaded?
Would your housing situation maybe change if you could stay sober for the 4-5 weeks until march? (Just a thought Iām sure you have been through all this yourself in your mind but just incase).
Can you rearrange with your workplacement coach another app?
I guess what Iām trying to say is, 30 days is amazing, is there things you could do now to help your situation not become so bad, I used to think when a few things seemed to be going wrong that everything was going wrong and not even try to help my self and would think whatās the point, but there is a point to keep pushing through hope you managed to sort it out, and good luck at your breathing app hope everything there is okay 
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#Day 1590 
At first everybody thank you again for the warm words and hugs about the loss of my furry friend It helps to feel understand.
I feel unstable and fulnerable right now, but that is normal and I give my grieve every space it needs. So I talk and cry a lot.
I had 3 day counters and reset 1 because I felt if I couldnāt give in on one of them I would drink 
So I reset the buying stuff daycounter and bought myself a ring 
I promished myself that every time I think about Buts drowning and gasping for air I would think about that ring instead. For now it works.
So still sober and at day 10 with no sugar.
Today?
Off from work, going to a triftshop for treasure hunting and tonight a diner with work.
And a walk ofcourse, I need one.
Picture of my latest walk and that matches well with my state of mind.
Have a good day my friends
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Iām sorry to hear this is the images that keeps playing in your mind, and your picture too.
I hope you know this is not your fault and you arenāt blaming yourself. It was his time to go, he was called to heaven 
Death is very hard, many times pets and people go from accidents and itās difficult for us to live with how they were in their last moments, there are many stories of people having near death experiences and they explain they werenāt in pain and it was peaceful for them.
Iām sure buts is in peace now and he wouldnāt want you to feel sad for too long
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You made me cry. Itās so hard for me right now. I do not blame myself for it but I keep seeing him in dispear. It takes time, I know it does and a lot of candle burning near his ashes.
Thank you for the kind words
Yesterday there was a Robin in my garden. Nothing rare. But this one sad right in front of me and kept there for 10 minutes staring at me.
I said: hi Buts.
I know itās not him. But I like the thought of a Robin as a speak trough to those in heaven. Did the same when my mom died 17 years ago.
Buts was as old as my mom is dead now
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Itās hard. Take your time to grieve. Big big hugs.
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I hope itās not full of consumables?
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Im Sorry i made you cry, especially when im not there to hold you and hug you through it 
its hard to have the right words but i didnt want to say nothing and want to help support you through 
I think things like this too.
My mum has had 4 dogs throughout our lives, and when they have passed about a year or 2 later when she was ready for another i can say all of them have the same personality and character, and their eyes they are like eachothers and in my heart i beleive its the same soul 
. I do believe they come back to us in one way or another.
It helps for you to have a place to burn candles and lay him to rest
The robin thats special i beleive it means something
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Dank je wel Menno.
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Amazing! 40(?) months! Awesome achievement!
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The cuboard im litrally right now working myself to do the job, in this cubaord on the back wall there is a door a mini door about 1ft long and 2ft high and it is creepy, it has its own handle and everything like from a horror i think its a crawl space to under the street. Il post a pic of it ā¦ closed im not opening it 
I am prepared for big huge spider families what worries me whats behind that door and as its cold i am terrified their is mice family 
and they are going to come chasing me but i have to do it, didnt do it yesterday and once its done its done.
I think there alot of childrens toys in there and odd bits that had no place ā¦ if theres no signs of activity il give them to charity.
Once i start i wont stop its the pulling the first box out and then the ones at the bottom its making me feel eeeeky already just the thought
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That makes total sense. Maybe its some kind of cognitive dissonance, so that your mind can easier cope with the fact that one drinks all the time.
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Everything you wrote is true. I had a problems with sleeping lately and I was directly down shitty lane. Iām glad that Iād prepared myself with knowledge about my addiction and could handle it. But it had could gone awfully wrong without it.
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Why on earth do they build a crawl space under the street? Or is this an idiom or something I donāt know.
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,642 Sober.
Thanks!
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Wednesday morning. Day 18. I had a really rough night. Horrible vivid and disturbing dreams all night. My doc prescribed something that is supposed to help with the nightmares but that certainly didnāt help last night. Woke up really upset. Iām starting to feel a bit better now that Iāve been up and having my coffee. I really need my sleep to improve. And headaches are still bad. Itās all wearing me down and Iām feeling defeated and a bit hopeless. Worried about relapse.
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