Thank you Dana! We will c, it’s a trial to deal with my old patterns and make space for healthier relationships. 
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TGIF - Thank God Im Frank haha. Hope all of you have an awesome day!
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36 days today! Got a pile of paperwork to do at work that stacked up while I wasn’t super focused when I was drinking but I’m slowly chipping away at it and feeling accomplished and organized and loving my job! Hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoys the Super Bowl substance free!
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Ha ha! I did a 8 hour trip in Turkye, well that was my worst bustrip ever! The seats couldn’t go flat ore whatsoever, loud Turkish musik till 3 in the night. I haven’t slept at all 
But this bus trip is different, it’s a vip bus kind of thing 
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Well, Day 2. Feeling physically better than yesterday. But wow, the night sweats and nightmares suck.
Joining a live meditation/mindfulness session (free) in an hour. I need healthier ways to handle stress.
Hope everyone has a good day!
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Day 18
Cheching in sober and focused
Need a nap, then a swim.
Got my haircut refreshed.
Grateful for easy things.
Happy that it’s weekend.
Much love 
@DryIn785 Mark what’s up with you?
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C, pefectionism has almost taken my life on so many occassions, it has been the bane of my existence. Perfectionism is what feeds my sick mind when my eating disorder is flaring and perfectionism is what has stopped me from taking chances, and try new things. I am slowly snuffing out the flame of my perfectionist mind, very slowly but its happening. I have been able to do this by applying principles in my life such as flexibility. When I am being a perfectionist I am so rigid, everything needs to be a certain way etc, etc so letting that go by conciously applying flexibility to my life has been helpful. I always think of the analogy, “be like water”… Another principle that I find counterbalances perfectionism well is freedom. Wow, what a concept hey? We never think of freedom as a spiritual principle but it is, we can choose to live our lives free to simply be. Free to be human, free to make mistakes, free to grow and learn. Once I grasped this and allowed myself some room alot of things fell into place, such as forgiveness (of humaness, mistakes, etc) acceptance ( of humaness, mistakes,etc) and compassion.
Everytime I feel my mind leaning towards my perfectionist tendancies I have tried to reroute it to being consistant instead because I belive that consistancy is a much better thing than perfection seeing as consistancy can be attained.
Learning days never stop being offered to me that’s for sure, and I am very grateful for that. Sending love. 
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@DryIn785 strange that you mention bat. I was just saying I would like to build a bat house to take care of all the mosquitoes that we get in my area.
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@Matt congrats on your week+ 
(sorry, found this in my notes that I missed when I copied and pasted yesterday) also, thank you for your reply yesterday
@HappyDays congrats on 24 hours
@zzz sorry about your morning, I hope you’re feeling peaceful again now 
@SoberWalker thank you and good luck for tonight 
@KarenKW Proud of you for opening up to your sisters, and so pleased to hear you were met with support
@anon53116147 sorry about the drama 
but have a great weekend with your girls
@Juli1 @Butterflymoonwoman @Mno @Misokatsu thank you all for your supportive replies, much appreciated
914 days no alcohol.
379 days no cocaine.
2 days no binge-eating.
1.5 days no vape.
Had my testosterone shot first thing.
Asked for an appt to speak to a doctor about my back, was told there were no call backs left so I should go to the closest hospital, drove there, was told they can’t help as no doctors are there (it’s a tiny hospital in a tiny village), but they gave me a link to self-refer for physio, so I did that as soon as I got home. I don’t want to stop walking because it is so good for my mental health, but my back has got so much worse in the last 4 weeks I’ve been walking. I’m hoping it will get stronger as I continue to do it, also going to try to find the video of the physio guy doing the exercises I did for a different back problem back in 2019, maybe they will help while I wait.
Addict voice is trying to convince me to quit one thing at a time, and saying it’s too hard together, but I want to go with the momentum I’ve got going on, even though it’s a second at a time at some points throughout the day.
The battle was not so hard won today 
I think the full morning of distraction helped. My mood has been low and I’ve been very tired today after my back pain waking me up repeatedly throughout the night, and when I got home, I tried for 2 whole hours to nap, but I just couldn’t. So then, I watched an episode in my chair in the lounge, then went for my walk, then came here. Now, more shows, then more meditation, then hopefully a better night’s sleep 
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends
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I’m at day 82 and I’m so happy I didn’t drink last night! We’re having a major crisis with my stepson right now and my go-to would’ve normally been to go out and drink. I almost did. Instead, my husband, daughter, and I went to sushi and ate a ton of sushi. That we then went shopping and watched TV. I woke up this morning and worked out hard. I’m very thankful that I’m not hung over today and I did not relapse. I’m still stressed, but I think I have new coping mechanisms, which is great.
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Checking in on day 45, have a good and sober weekend 
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I’m sorry to hear that Dana, I know it’s hard. My spouse’s father and brother are gambling addicts and the family debts are huge. It is a tremendous burden.
I don’t have an easy answer but I can say there is a way. The emotional weight is heavy and what you’re feeling is normal for where you are; it sucks and it’s hard but you are not alone. I am leaving now and have to pick something up soon, but I am thinking of you and hopefully I’ll check back in later tonight - if it helps I can share some things with you about my experience.
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Evening of day 34. Hit with some bad anxiety. I’m tapering off one med since I started a new one. Lowered the dose again today. I think that’s the issue. But I haven’t actually wanted to drink. So that’s a good thing.
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It’s so familiair to me. I do like the water part. I use the “be like bamboo in the wind” Move with the wind so you do not break. But I hate myself being rigid. Hope I can change it, I keep remind myself: babysteps!
On my way to bed now. Goldsmith class was fun. Read an article that perfectionism is very handy in that
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Day 306 AF
10 month milestone
Such a road, grateful to be here still reading today.
It has taken me at least those first 6 months to feel a bit like myself again, now is time go put in even more work.
Things that have changed:
Finally taking care of my health with regular check ups
Quit smoking
Reduced stress levels (room for improvement there)
Happy to look into future plans
Ok with saying no to most plans that will not make me feel confortable or not ready for
Sleep just got easier
Feeling like a finally deserve good and nice things (also need to work further on this feeling)
Not having to lie all the time which was extremely painful, specially to my direct family
Reconnecting with parents
Overall if you struggle just like the first time I’ve ever read this forum, do not give up, it gets better, you deserve everything good that life is about to show you.
21 Likes
Dissociating super bad all day today. But got to the end of it sober and i ate. And didn’t sh. So all in all, not a bad day. Just wish I was able to focus more today. I was struggling to form words earlier, was forgetting what I was doing and things over and over today, as well as the right side of my face going numb, and right leg weak, and bad balance…
Work early so I’ll turn in now.
Days
123 substance free
40 sh free
86 eating daily
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Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,657 to 1,659 Sober.
Thanks
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Today I am 7 months AF. It was a terrible day but I am at least happy with the fact i never thought about using alcohol.
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Congratulations on 7 months!!! Im sorry u had a hard day. Hoping ur evening is a bit better. Hugs !
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Evening Check In
Day 362
Been an emotionally hard day. Grateful to be clean as always. Really struggling with wanting to just isolate from my supports (which is basically TS). Maybe i do need a bit of a break. But im worried that maybe thats not the best idea. Im not worried about using at all… that has never crossed my mind. But not understanding why i want to isolate. Hmmm 
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