Thank you so much!
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Much love and hugs. Doesnāt sound dramatic to me. More like anger turned inward, as you well know. Always gentle hugs to you as you travel your journey. 
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I really love your check in. Screw other folks opinions on meds and xyz. Do you. 
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Fuck those guys!!! Sorry. Not sorry.
My son went through the EXACT same thing. But possibly more dangerous because heās bipolar. Twice he listen to āsome of the guys.ā Twice he woke up in a lockdown psychiatric ward in 2 different hospitals not knowing how he got there. Heās been on his meds and sober now for 10 and a half years. Iām sorry. Fuck those guys!!
Keep up the great work MIke. Your killing it.
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@Cjp , @LeeHawk , @Mephistopheles, @SassyRocks, @Dazercat . Thank you guys, Iām agreeing with you guys, fuck them. Iāve been with my therapist now for almost 7 months I trust her decisions and know she is a power greater than myself. Much love everyone
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@K_smile congrats on 2 weeks 
@RayRod congrats on 70 days
@Timjuice83 @Muddy64 welcome both 
@Jadergirl91 welcome 
congrats on double digits
@SoberGuyUSA sending strength 
Iām glad youāre still sober too
@Juli1 the peace will be priceless
@Misokatsu sending strength
@mewmcmew congrats on double digits
@KatieO welcome back
925 days no alcohol.
390 days no cocaine.
13 days no crisps.
12 days no vape.
4 days no binge-eating
I fell asleep early last night and so Iāve been awake since 1am. Still got 5.5hrs though so canāt complain.
Did my early walk, and showered, before therapy.
Therapy was good, it felt really good hearing myself talk positively about myself. I updated him on my progress, and then we spoke about my barriers to going to the gym and swimming, as those are my next exercise goals to get back into.
Iāve just got home from my afternoon walk, it was nice and cool outside, as the sun was either behind clouds somewhere, or already low. it was still light outside though.
Next, more meditation, then I might hang around on the meme thread a bit, before the program Iām watching starts at 9pm, if I donāt fall asleep first!
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@anon53116147 the recovery programs Iāve tried all made me feel that way about being on loads of meds for my mental health too, but if I wasnāt, I know Iād be dead by now. Itās between you and the person prescribing you, itās no one elses business, keep in your lane, youāre doing so well and Iām proud of you
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Oh my blood pressure rises when I hear ppl without any condition say sh*t like this! Meds are awesome, meds help many to have an almost normal life. Oh my God what idiots really. Good to see that the medicine is helping you to reach your goals 
You know your weakness and still rock your life with the help of meds and your therapist. That my friend is strength
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Iām on antidepressants for panic attacks/anxiety- and Iāve been on them since I was 16. They really did stop me from killing myself, so Iām grateful they exist. And the best part about not drinking anymore is finally being able to feel the positive effects of the medication! When I was drinking I was switching from one type of SSRI to another because I still felt so much anxiety. Donāt get me wrong, I still get panic attacks every now and then, but they have significantly decreased in frequencey after I stopped drinking.
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It really can be so dangerous for some to not take their meds, but you know this 
and Iām glad you donāt feel you need their approval. You are so strong
Your proof that what you are doing is working, Iām so proud of you 
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Great pic Claudia. Perfect timing.
Oh. And I love those numbers. I hope you feel better and or find a treasure that will help you feel better too.
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Yesterday was my birthday. I hide from my phone on my birthdays and have a hard time accepting the well wishes and love from people that I get, especially from my family. Birthdays bring up lots of feelings. Mostly surrounding depression and a whole lot of "should"s.
As a birthday treat I went to a huge liquor store that is known for their NA selection. I bought an assortment of NA beers and cocktails to fill my fridge. I drank 2 NA beers last night and ended up feeling kind of weird. I got panicky about the 0.5% alcohol content in one and tried to remember what it was like to drink 5-10 beers every night. I put myself to bed and woke up this morning with the absolute certainty that I was trying to kill myself by drinking in the past. Pouring that poison down my throat to build a tolerance so I could drink more poison. Avoiding feelings and life moments to sink into silence by myself.
If you are struggling please keep at it. I really hope that I do everything in my power to stay on my sober path, backwards is death.
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Ooft great wee pic, that looks like a small pike, ā¦wouldnāt surprise me if it was the pike that caught the heron 
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Happy birthday, friend. I too used to hate birthdays and new years. So much disappointment that another year had passed, and I had only gotten worse. Not the case any longer. Just gratitude. Sobriety changes a lot of things for the better.
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Checking in
Day 373
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my post last night. It was really good to see things from a diff perspective and to realize that we all have shitty days and hard days in our recoveries.
@Planipennia i have actually heard this and i completely forgot about it. Even though i started out with NA, CA, i eventually made AA my home for a number of reasons. But o do remember that phrase and when u said that it sort of made me realize where i need to go from here 
Today has been slightly better. Hubby is at work, im still quite fatigued but im not as bad as yesterday, and my son is recovering well. I was able to sweep n mop the floors, fold laundry and do dishes. All with little breaks in between.
Tmrws plan is to begin exercising again, slowly to start. Maybe some light cardio or something. I need to slowly get myself back to where i was. But for now ill just relax
Hope everyone is having an addiction free day
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@Butterflymoonwoman hey I just wanted to say that I see you and all the work you are doing. I would be so frustrated by the comments your husband made. Because holy heck your days sound so busy and you are doing so much for your son. āTraditional rolesā annoy the crap out of me. I feel like life is so much easier when a couple comes together and help do the work and the jobs equally. In saying that, my hubby tends to do jobs that I donāt particularly like, and vice versa.
I hope you find a bit of peace, it sounds like you and your partner need a date night! (Me and mine are overdue and we have been a bit snappy with each other too, all work no relaxing and time to enjoy each other).
Much love Dana 
your doing an amazing job.
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@SoberGuyUSA hey friend, I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Here if you need a chat.
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Checking in day 45 AF. I didnāt cry at work today so thatās a win. And worked 2 hours more than yesterday. The depression continues to be a heavy weight. Iām glad I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow.
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Youāre absolutely right. Birthdays have a way of making us take stock of time past, and sometimes itās hard to face. But you made it through sober, well done!
@Butterflymoonwoman Iām with the general consensus that hubby was really just mad at something unrelated, and you unfortunately had to take it. We all know how hard you work, and Iām glad youāre doing better!
Felt much better yesterday, recovered from my weekend, and got good news. The IRS told me my refund would be direct deposited on the 22nd, and I got a job interview at 9am tomorrow. But then I had my mtg this morning with my case mgr, and been down since. She made a point of telling me āeven if you give Jenny [the landlord] your entire refund, she could still evict youā. So now I went from optimism to thinking of everything that could go wrong. My refund doesnāt come. I get kicked out anyway without enough $$$ to put my things in storage.
Anyway, trying to trust HP since itās all out of my hands anyway. Have a happy sober day, fam! 
Edit: I decided to treat myself like a king today:
Feels good to be a gangsta!
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