Thank you so much for taking the time to comment 
I appreciate it very much!!
I know in my heart that im powerless over drugs and alcohol BUT apart of me craves having a sense of release. Like from everyday life. Sometimes I think I get cravings bcuz im stressed or overwhelmed or have this feeling like I need to āescapeā from life and its stressors. When this happens, I do have to remind myself that im powerless over drugs and that its a completely lie to say that drugs will bring me that escape. Becuz they wouldnt. They CAUSE pain and stress and feelings of guilt n shame which in turns begins that vicious cycle of wanting to then escape those feelings thay the drugs caused etc. So i do have to remind myself. I definitly wouldnt say that i feel cured from addiction but ur right it is a life long process of working at staying clean. I think we have to work on it daily to keep that addictive voice at bay.
What!!! Omg!!! Congratulations friend 
I had a very strange using dream, during which I drank beer like in former times. When I woke up, my body was in total stress, because it was awaiting the chemical effect of the alcohol. The whole night even the whole week went to hell.
Hi guys how are you? I havenāt written for a while, I wanted to say that Iām on my month and 25 days of sobriety, some days it was really hard, especially because I lost my job and during therapy I discovered I had borderline spectrum syndrome and I gave an answer so many times i wanted to go overboard with alcohol and drugs, now i will have to start a new type of therapy, i am very excited, i am excited to get to know this new me and leave all the monsters in the past and never let them come back, saturday i went out with a my friend and we went to a bar i used to go to often, i had a non alcoholic mojito and the bartenders looked at me like " WTF U? ARE YOU PREGNANT?" and I āAM SOBERā Ahahaha the feeling when I got home was priceless, Iām proud of myself for the first time in my life, the road is long but trust the process. I HUG YOU ALL. Denise from italy.
Day 10
Second checkin.
Staying soberā¦
The covid test is negative! 
I knew my body has the power
to burn it down 
Lousy sub-dweller!
I usually stick to the gratitude thread, and Iāve been there already. Better check in here today too. My best friends mom passed away suddenly this morning. Itās hit me really hard, maybe because itās bringing up the fears and anxieties and grief I felt when my Dads health was very uncertain. Maybe because I love her, and I hate to think of her heart hurting. I donāt know how to help her. I donāt know what to say to her. Iām sad, and kind of angry. They didnāt deserve this.
Iām not going to drink. I just feel myself wanting to curl up and isolate. So here I am instead.
Hey all! Thanks to all for welcome back!
Iāve just been getting more stressed about finances even though that part of my life is theoretically under control. For instance, my payee, knowing a bus ticket costs $35 a month, only gave me $25. Is this how itās gonna be for the rest of my life? What am I supposed to do with $25/week?
But trying to come to terms with my physical health is also harder than I expected. Iām trying to accept the things I canāt change. But you know, breathing is kind of mandatory when youāre trying to do the whole ābeing aliveā thing. At least I get to see Brian today, thatāll cheer me up. And new episode of Yellowjackets came out Friday, so that was nice. I just still feel a little unfocused right now. Iāll keep checking in! 
Hi 
Iām doing okay, thank you for asking 
How are you doing ?
Itās good to see you posting again.
IV blocked that creepy room up for now 
Sorry, for posting so seldom. Iām quite busy, because of the new job and have to adjust. But it is really good and fulfilling.
Good that you blocked that creepy room.
Congratulations 
Iām glad youāre here. Sorry for your loss (as it is your loss too) and the pain and grieve it causes. I feel all you can do is be there for your friend. Thereās no words really. Like you are here to be together with us, you be together with your friend. Hugs.
Itās good your doing positive busy things
Itās great to hear your job is going well and that your doing okay too 
Hope tonight you get a good rest and tomorrow will be a bit kinder and easier to you 
Iām glad getting out and seeing your friend helped you manage.
Iām thinking of you 
Thanks!! It has been a great day.
Day 105. Might be starting to feel a tad better. Iām hoping I can sleep a better tonight. Slight temptation to drink or drug, but I wonāt. I just want an escape from the pain. So Iām eating cookies and ice cream. Not great for me but better than the alternative.