Evening Check In Day 396
I am trying sooooooooo hard to not be resentful and frustrated right now about not having a nurse overnight tonight for my son. I know theres nothing i can do about it. I realize that they have lives and things happen. I know acceptance is the key to all my problems today. But damn i hate it! Im already tired and i HAVE to run certain errands around tmrw while he is at school. I just feel like crying out of frustration, exhaustion, and anger.
Well, recently I haven’t just been putting up with things. With my counsellor I have been working on keeping boundaries, so I guess he feels criticised, but at least I am working on the relationship. I am happy to work on it from his perspective too, but he just thinks that any discussion is arguing and should be avoided. But then why say anything?
@Ravikamor YAY! Babies are awesome! Congratulations, grandma!
Hang in there, Dana. You’ve made through every day so far! @Misokatsu I’ve never been married, but I’ve always had trouble with boundaries. One thing I learned is, when my “friends” who were used to walking on me saw that I was actually enforcing my boundaries, their initial reaction was to treat me like I’m the a**hole. But don’t give up, you can work it out.
Been a boring one. No appts. today. Just a lot of cold, and rain that occasionally turned to snow flurries. In other words, a perfect day for just being indoors. I had a small craving, brought on by the boredom, but it passed without event. Going to find something to watch before I call it a night. Anyone seen “Lovecraft Country”? The first few episodes are pretty good. G’night/morning.
Checking in on day 80. Yesterday was once again not the best of days, my father was taken to the ER again and now is being treated with a lung infection. I went to the gym in the evening and did not take good care of a previous rib injury, now the ribs hurt on every move. But no thoughts of drinking and that counts .
I hope your okay
Be kind to yourself today, try not to do tasks that can wait until the next day in the hope to have the calmest but still productive day
I know for me this is what I have to do. As well as stay awake that day it I need to my whole sleep cycle.
I’m thinking of you x
Good morning, woke up because of a dream where I sold myself short. As soon as I realized that I was setting myself up to get less than what I wanted, my eyes shot open. After so many years of working on negative thought patterns and automatic acceptance of failure, it’s good to know that I’m only willing to accept the best for myself. No more talking myself into defeat!
A funding application and proposal that I sent out in January was accepted two days ago. I just looked at it and was happy for about two seconds but then forgot about it. Two years ago, I would have made such a big deal out of it. This is a good sign that my career is going places but I still want to take this time to celebrate my achievements.
No use going back to sleep, gonna do my Morning Pages and get ready for therapy later. Have a sober day!
Taking Luna to the vet this morning. Just a check up after the ear infection that caused loss of balance she scared me with a month ago. After that I need to be outside as it’s my weekend and it’s supposed to get spring like today. Finally! Craving sunshine and warmth, no craving for booze or drugs. X
Today feeling exhausted, and wanted to start complain about how everything is hard…
And wait a minute… It is not! I remembered just day or two ago we talked about how can we see same glass half full / or / half emty…
I remembered one Priest who actually had written a very visible reminder for himself - “Do Not Complain!”
I remembered one AA meeting where one old member said on how being self pity is a dangerous place of mind and actually pays a big role in addiction!
I remembered one interesting guy talking deeply about life. Imagine, he said, being in Hell and experiencing eternal pain, screaming, knifes constantly stabbing you… Stabbing and stabbing, blood everywhere, pain screams, stabbing and stabbing, pain, pain, pain, pain…
Stabbing and stabbing…
Wait a minute! Suddenly you realise there is something beyond this experience! You say to yourself how long can it last? It should pass… and the pain ends and you realise that there was no torture at all and that all coming from within.
“Hence this life of yours which you are living is not merely a piece of the entire existence, but is in a certain sense the whole; only this whole is not so constituted that it can be surveyed in one single glance.
Erwin Schrödinger (Nobel Prize winner Erwin Schrödinger established the wave mechanics formulation of quantum mechanics, which portrayed electrons as waves, spread out rather than in any given location.)
Life - REALITY - is experience coming along with manifestation from within. It’s deep and probably too big for human mind to digest, that’s why we have - FAITH!
Great Ukrainian band. I am not a person who listens music constantly. Mostly I like to listen podcast. But I found music works great in to change the state of mind.
The coworking spot is cool. They have sparkling water on tap (win!). And yesterday I forgot my mouse at home and they had a spare to lend me. So I’m happy. Thet do have social events too, but they’re clearly advertised, so I can just avoid those days. No, I’m not the most sociable out there. I’m actually a hermit with the social skills of a slug on redbull. It bothered me when I was younger, but these days I simply don’t care.
I’m pretty much out of my low-mood funk and feeling more ready to be productive.
On my way to the gym before a morning meeting, then off to spend the day with my wife (cutting out a little earlier tonight because we’re taking a long weekend).
My emotional hangups about money and my business and my personal sense of competence and vulnerability are all tied together in a knot and have been for several weeks now. It’s kind of a background hum. Saying lots of serenity prayer and working on taking it one day at a time.