Checking in day 160… why do i miss alcohol lately? It never did anything but ruin me… yet it was my comfort. These rough patches happen i guess, just gotta keep pushing through, this illness never truly goes away afterall.
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Coming on this app has saved me a couple of times. People that I respect telling me “Don’t do it” really helps. And sitting with your disappointment, rather than running away is a good step. Get motivation from it.
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Evening check in for day 75. Went to church and then went with a friend to help him break down a pool table and move it to his place. Wow…. The 3 piece slate was heavy and the pool table was in a basement so we had to carry everything up a large flight of stairs. It kicked my butt.
Now I am home and laid back in my recliner waiting till bed time. 
I love this community and all the real people that are transparent despite life’s struggles. One day at a time.
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I get what ur saying. I really do but…
Is this really true? Often times our addict/alcoholic minds will LIE to us, trying to convince us that we miss it or that it served some sort of purpose to us. The reality is, is that it caused us alot of discomfort and pain and sorrow and hurt… this list goes on n on. Ur on the right path. Be cautious of that “voice” that tries to sneak up and put it back in its place 
glad ur here!
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You’re absolutely right… i should rephrase, “false” comfort. Like you said, our alcoholic minds lie to us.
Thank you for your reply, i needed it!
All the best
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I’ve made it to 30 days of not having any type of thc. It feels so good to be clear headed. I still crave it from time to time but i think about the time, money, and effort it takes to get it. Not to mention it could mess up my recovery in SLAA. I’ve come so far since i started in recovery and i do not want to mess it up.
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Day 108. I was excited to see an old friend today who had shared she’s been sober too, for awhile. When we met up it became clear pretty quickly she’s still drinking (no interest in recovery related conversation, an odd interest in the bottle of soda in her purse, etc). I was not upset that she wasn’t truthful; all of her behavior pointed towards the grips of addiction and I remember that hell. But man was it disappointing after thinking I’d be connecting in recovery with her.
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No i absolutely understand because thats how i feel. Im good and sober but emotionally, im just exhausted… like ive been running the marathon of my life. We got this💪 i know some days are harder than others and sometimes it feels like a never ending cycle but we are getting and staying better by the day. Proud of you. Keep up the work lady friend!!!
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Day 23. Emotions were a little all over the place for some reason, but no booze so, so I’m still calling it a good day. 
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Youre just the sweetest! Thank you and same for you, if you ever need to talk or vent…im here. I love this support we show to each other. We are all we got… you keep pushing forward… wish you the best, take care… again, im here if you ever need. Shoulder!
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Checking in on day 108! Been busy the last week sorry I haven’t been on as much. Lots to be thankful for today, my high school baseball team is on a 4 game win streak going into the final stretch before playoffs which is a great sign! Went to Disneyland this weekend for my daughter’s 16th birthday. It was exhausting but fun! I only had one small craving after walking all day but it passed with a Diet Coke, some pizza, and a nap 
hope everyone had a great weekend!
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Have you thought of carrying a little notebook with coping skills written down in it?
In therapy we made self soothing kits and I found this super helpful. I also used to have a difficult time reaching for my skills when I was past my threshold. It took me a few months of practicing mindfulness and being present in my body so that I could recognize that i was starting to elevate before I “flipped my lid”. When we “flip our lid” we are working from our lizard brain so accessing skills is super hard. Being able to feel our body sensations and say, “oh shit, Im going to lose it in a minute.” is really helpful because you can catch yourself before you get past that threshold.
What also helped me was when I woke up I would see where I was starting my day. So lets say we have a tolerance bar 1-10. When I start my day at a 10 tolerance that means I have slept amazing, my kid is an angel, i have zero body pain, Im not constipated, etc etc. 
The more of those bad things that you check off your tolerance bar in the morning shows you where youre starting. Some days you might be starting your day at a 3/10… That is really shitty, but knowledge is power and knowing that allows you to set yourself up accordingly so you can succeed.
Applying our own advice is easy if we can access it. Setting yourself up in a way that you will be able to access your tools is a tool in itself.
Day 5 was always the hardest for me too, the best part is you are not doing this alone.
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Checking in with 54 days AF. Routine Sunday. That is all.
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1416
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Going back to work this early morning. Feeling a healthy aversion after two weeks of holidays. Happy I don’t hate my job though. And happy I’m clearheaded, and not hungover after a Sunday night, end of my vacay, bender in the pub. Never again. X
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Day 
So I got this Birthday present, Got this night lamp from GF as I was talking before I need one and just look at this! 
Is this coincidence or what? Oh wait there are no coincidences…
3DRule D-D-D Don’t Do Drugs!
Day 4 no smoking cigarettes / Cigars smoked 3
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Sorry to hear, but you did a long strike so something did work better then before! You can do that again and more. Glad you are here!
What made you relapse and can you learn something from that so you can avoid a next time?
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#Day 1678(90) 
Look what I catched today! Nice numbers 
Today? Off from work but the weather is very bad. It rains cats and dogs 
One week to go and then heading for the sun, looking forward to that.
7 nights of sleep to go…
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Day 15 checking in got a chest infection so not feeling great just got to push through hope everyone is well
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Thank you Stella, for taking the time to write to me. It’s really appreciated
I will mention a few things, not as excuses, but moreso that my ‘stresses’ are out on the table, so to speak. I am a mum of two adult sons (21, 18yrs), and an about to turn 6yr old girl, and another son (age 4). I love my kids dearly, and would do anything in the world for them.
Our youngest is hyperlexic, and is likely to have asd. It takes a long time to get this diagnosis here, in the meantime, you don’t have access to supports until then. There are several challenges with him, that have had a massive effect on my mental health since he was born. He doesn’t stay asleep at night, being one of them. He might wake up between 12am and 5am at any given time, then is awake for several hours. Melatonin might help a little, but doctors won’t give it until he has his diagnosis. I’m sure anyone who has had difficulty sleeping for a long period of time will know how maddening it is. My coping skills are almost 1 or 0 by the time I have to get up. He also has behaviourial issues on account of his comprehension problems. Hyperlexics can be delayed in many aspects due to comprehension problems, and social and emotional problems. He has difficulty expressing himself and his needs, which results in a lot of tantrums and crying, every single day. His sister has to take a lot from him, as he is very exact in what he does, and he wants to do things at the exact same time as her. For example, she has to get her PJs on at the exact same time as him, no faster or slower or war will break out. Sometimes he does this with food too. It often results in quarrels between them, but to be fair she does try. It can be difficult to take him anywhere over tantrums and his anxiety. He gets very upset and very anxious about going to pre-school, every single day. One of the teachers asked him to sit down to do some writing (this happened months ago), and she must have sounded frustrated or angry with him about it, because he has never forgotten it. Every single morning is high stress until we get him through the school door. There’s a lot more to add about my son, but my post is long enough as it is!
My husband is mostly onside with me about alcohol, but it might take a very bad day with our son then he might suggest alcohol to me. As I will have had a bad day with it too, my defense system is down and it doesn’t take much to get me to drink at that point. Sadly, this happened to me recently, and unsurprisingly, on day five.
I’ve already kicked off my counter again, I’ll be on day 3 in a few hours. My husband’s birthday was yesterday, and I was the designated driver for him and his uncle so they could have a couple of drinks together. I wasn’t even remotely tempted to drink, and I feel really positive about it.
I will try to come up with some sort of strategy for coping, but there’s no getting away from stress sometimes, because it’s my job as a mom. My husband works from home and has them as much as I do. If my husband says to take some time away, I use it to try catch up on sleep!
I’ve written so much now, I better shut up
Thank you so much Stella 
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Day 54,
The trees are blooming. Finally! They came very late this year and I was worried and disappointed because the winter was so terrible this year. However, allergies. Every year, I forget that I have allergies until I remember that I do hahaha.
I don’t have a lot of energy for much these days. This past week has been so hard for me. I’m experiencing a lot of anger, sadness, and exhaustion. The facilitator of my mindful self-compassion course says I’m most likely experiencing a backdraft at the moment. When you open the door of a room with a smoldering fire, the influx of fresh air cause the flame to temporarily burn with more intensity.
Emotionally, I feel spent and all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep. I’ve also been socializing with so many people and I need some me time. I’ve been spending a lot of time in Grindr recently and it’s a gift and curse. It’s indispensable to me right now but I absolutely hate spending time on that app. It’s the constant chatting, sinking in hours trying to find someone, and then you’ll get ghosted at the last minute. But I’ve already found one good partner who has for sure earned his spot on my rolodex and now we have to try out a few potential recruits. I’m just so tired of that app.
Anyways hope you all are shaving a good sober day!
Edit: I realize I put shaving instead of having and I just laughed
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