Just hanging in there. No energy. Really wishing i could afford to stay home instead of working all the time…but one day at a time right? 
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Major respect to those of you dealing with up and down days where you think you got it in the one half, and suffer doubt in the other half, perhaps doubting even further if you should ever feel good as a precaution. That’s a very difficult thing to manage and you guys still show up, it’s amazing.
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@Butterflymoonwoman Sorry your feeling poopy. Here’s a hug!
Day 16
My health care finally came in! It was nice picking up a prescription without having to beg my neighbor for money. Got in some exercise today, as my errands I had to run were not very close to the bus stop. I figured I ended up walking a total of about 2 miles. Not much, but that’s more exercise than I’ve gotten in the last few days.
I can tell the boredom and isolation are going to be problematic. I ran into an old friend Lil’ Mikey at the bus stop. He usually has a bottle of vodka on him, so I was a little apprehensive about talking to him. He would’ve offered, and I don’t know how I would’ve answered. Have to find some way of keeping busy.
Right now I’m watching Silent Hill (never played the game though). Hope everyone has a good sober night! 
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Checking in day 189. Had a terrible drinking dream last night. The worst part was in my dream it was day 2 and I picked up again because I felt like I threw it all away. So realistic it took me a minute to remember I was sober in the morning.
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I’m glad to anounce that it’s been 11 days since that I masturbated. I’m proud of myself 
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That’s great! I’m moving this to a daily checkingin thread so u can keep us posted. 
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Awe thanks for the virtual hug mark! Im so glad u got some exercise in and was able to get ur meds with no issues. That mustve felt pretty good! How is that silent hill movie? See ive played the game but have never seen the movie lol the game sure freaked me out tho lol
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Checking in on day 650. The northern lights are really active tonight. It’s really beautiful. First time seeing them in my 44 years on the planet.
@Butterflymoonwoman I really hope you feel better soon. May tomorrow be a better one!
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Haha
The day cleared up so now im sunbaking and swimming
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Checking in after 23 days AF.
Did get a short hike in today. Super muddy, but no rain. Added bonus was the mud on my boots acted like leg weights, so an extra workout!
Take care all!
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Big hugs my friend I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. I hope that there is some relief for you with what’s bothering you and that you will feel better.
I don’t think you should get the caffeine pills. On the other hand if you think caffeine might help you here is something I’ve done lately. A couple times I felt tired and there’s things that I want to do. In general, I never feel tired.
I have put some instant coffee ( granules) in Some cold unsweetened vanilla almond milk which I usually have around. It’s not ‘Starbuck’s best’ but it certainly serves the purpose and tastes good to me.
Big hugs for you. Hope you’ll start feeling better.
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Day 77. I’m so emotionally wiped out. My husband messed up his knee pretty seriously awhile ago, didn’t take proper care and after tripping last night it’s even worse. He’s been lashing out at me in anger since, because of the pain and in between he apologizes then gets complacent while I take care of him. The worst part when when he got upset because I scheduled a doctor’s appt for him (I was shocked he wasn’t planning to go, I thought it was a favor). I’m so glad I’m sober right now, we have a disabled 10 year old too and today required every ounce of my patience and humility. I love my boys and caring for them more than anything, but the undeserved angry outbursts felt like jabs to the heart and I’ll need to give myself a break in some healthy way if tomorrow is more of the same.
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day 386 of no self harm
called the job I applied for yesterday left a voicemail. i don’t know what to do with myself. I’m too depressed to make myself do anything productive but then I’m angry at myself for not being productive. i need this job. I’m at nearing the end of my rope already idk what I’ll do if I don’t get it
my brain has this safety switch of dissociation. if I try to talk about hard things I dissociate and get sleepy. i just violently sobbed for about 30 minutes but then my brain switched into dissociation and now I feel nothing. i can’t even get the feelings out of my system
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Day 23,
Woken up early today because my roommates decided to have friends over at 5 am. Someone rang the bell to the flat and snatched me from sweet slumber. Pissed off was an understatement so I put my foot down on the matter. One roommate, J, is constantly partying every week and he drags the other roommate who is his best friend, A, along because A has terrible boundaries. J needs to move out.
Trying to get back to sleep because I have a full day planned and I’m running a tight schedule.
Have a good sober day
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Day 
Redundancy…
Bad news at work. It seems our Company is struggling. It is one of the biggest in the whole country, but they lacking working objects and has too many workers. So on monday they will start the cleansing process. I have seen them selling some of their lands already…
Of course they will not fire you, because in that way you will get more money. They will make pressure on you, like giving free (unplayable) holidays when you do not get any money, and need to pay insurance on your own… that is no no… or something similar to make pressure to quit on your own and do not get any plus money.
That is bastard stuff our country is dealing since old days. Lots of corruption and beating people down to the last penny.
Like for example. Imagine having injury at work. One month+ I slipped down from my truck when tenting cargo and broke my rib a little bit. Still hurts. Imagine having serious injury - in hospital - you can’t say that you were injured at work! 
otherwise you are fired at best or they can put you in court because they have their own lawyers and it will end in that way, that you will be paying them…
and that is the situation almost in every company…
I mean look at this. It is our reality…
Well, monday we will see…
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Hi
I get dissociation often. Alot in the evenings.
It’s a way for our bodies to protect itself from overwhelming emotional suffering. Sorry your feeling this 
My dad always tells me never to put all my eggs in one basket that way I won’t ever be totally disappointed and I will keep having options. And if they all fail. It wasn’t meant to be.
Have you heard this before?
It kind of means if we focus and put all out heart and action into waiting and wanting one thing to turn out right, if it doesn’t then we have focused all our energy into something that didn’t form or work out. We are only allowing ourselves one option.
I really hope that you get the job 
Try to eat and rest 
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@Butterflymoonwoman My heart goes out to you. Personally I would be wary of taking caffeine pills. It might make you jittery and possibly triggering. Eating well and sleeping is the best way to get energy.
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thank you 
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you will get through this I’m in a similar rough time right now. you could need a med change, I’d definitely think about talking to a doctor or a therapist if you haven’t. caffeine pills aren’t great, have you tried tea? i know it isn’t the strongest but it’s an alternative. unfortunately I don’t have much advice but know that we are all here for you and we will both get through these dark times
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