Checking in daily to maintain focus #53

Strategic celibacy is an intentional period of time where one refrains from having sex or cultivating any sexual energy with another person for the purpose of making sure that one’s sexual desires align with their values (and politics but that’s up to you). I come from a perspective where I view sex as more than a biological function/or physical pleasure and as a place where power and hierarchy come into play (who is desired, what bodies are deemed attractive/worthy/beautiful). I find that in our sex obsessed society it’s to my benefit to take occasional breaks from navigating the desires and projections of other people to focus on what gives me pleasure and how they align with the values I hold dear.

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@KevinesKay what a beautiful post! Im so happy for u and can definitely see the hard work uv put into ur recovery. Really proud of you!
@Misokatsu Really happy to hear that ur feeling a bit better. I like to journal and log my moods too (have been doing it for just over a week). I think it helps to potentially see patterns which can be useful knowledge for the future. Way to go on ur healthy eating and jogging also :slight_smile:
@2jtravnz That show must have been amazing! I love cypress hill and icecube (used to listen to them alot, not so much now, but still love their music). Glad it went well for u! Hope ur wife recovers soon… covid sucks :frowning:
@Soberwalker what is a beauty therapist? That sounds interesting! Is it like a spa sort of thing?

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Checking in on Day 415
Have a fantastic day everyone!!
:butterfly:

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Day :eight:

One of my biggest inspiration!

“All Power comes from God”

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Google gave me that as translation for the Dutch word: schoonheidsspecialiste.
It’s someone who can give you all kind of beauty treatments. She cleaned my face, gave a facemask, did my eyebrows, get rid of blackheads, a face massage and a cream to finish with. I felt like new! Like a mini spa indeed (not that I ever where in one :blush:).

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133 chilling playing grid legends

Pain is on one today :sob:

Happy sober Tuesday everyone

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Thanks! I actually misread my counter so it’s today but either way I made it! :joy: I misread it sometimes and catch myself a day off based on the calendar and my sober date. I’ll post a picture of my milestone tonight!

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Day 80.

Yeah, that’s all. I’m just gonna paraphrase my favourite philosopher, Samuel L. Jackson: It’s been 80 mothafucking days, since I put down that mothafucking drink! That’s right, 80! I’m doing this.

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Well done. I’m on day 32 and loving it. Day 6 of quitting smoking too so feeling a bit rough today as I think this is the day my lungs realise they can clear out. Ha. Hoping for a good weekend

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Did my morning Tempest meeting, catching up here, and journaling. Listened to This Naked Mind on my grocery run (which takes 2 hours being out in the boonies as I am). Good sober day :muscle:

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Checking in on day 380, feeling good :sparkling_heart:

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Day # 56 Sober.

1st day since finding out my place of business is closing on June 30.

A lot of emotion swings from calm and confident to anxious & angry.

I am one that believes God is very much real and active in creation. Not saying that to preach or battle someone that believes differently. Just trying to explain where I goto for my hope and peace at times…… the alternative for me is alcohol and that only brought me trouble.

I am thankful for this community and especially those of you that have responded and reached out to me to give encouragement. I means so much. I want to be a father and husband that sets a good example in hard times by staying sober, having faith and trust, and servicing those around me even when so don’t think so have anything to give at the time. I see so many great examples of that here.

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@Matt congrats on the nugget, this sounds significant for you :tada:
@Sabrina80 I hope your lip is not too sore today now the anaesthetic has worn off :grimacing:
@Charlie_C I hope you’ve felt a bit better today :people_hugging: it sounds like you need a break, is your retirement on the horizon yet?
@KarenKW sending strength :blue_heart:
@CueBall8n9 congrats on staying sober despite the news from your job :clap:t2: :tada:
@2JTravNZ congrats on the sober concert :tada: sending well wishes for your wife and I hope you don’t catch it :crossed_fingers:t2:
@Andi20 welcome back :blush: congrats on 2 days :tada:
@Amy30 that made me smile :sweat_smile: congrats on 80 mf days! :tada:

967 days no alcohol.
432 days no cocaine.
200 days no takeaways.
4 months no cigarillos.
54 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.

Woke up early and manic.
Did my meditations.
Went into town and had my bridge and eyebrow piercings re-done.
Did my morning walk.
Spent some time reading here.
Had a much needed depression nap.
Now I’m here checking-in.

Last night I was so close to going to the shop to buy cereal, oat milk, and crisps, it was 30mins til they closed. I got up, put my trainers and coat on, went to grab my keys, then, out came a strong voice ‘NO, this is NOT what I want’, well, I listened, took my coat and trainers off, got into bed, and managed to fall asleep to a progressive muscle relaxation meditation. I have held onto that when my cravings have hit throughout today, and it has been a little easier. The shops are closed now so I’m safe for another night.

:blue_heart:

TW: disordered eating, dieting, binge-eating, food.

@anon74766472 @SoberWalker For a while now, I have been mostly following a meal replacement diet, where I have 4 or 5 meal replacement shakes per day, it’s with my doctors approval due to the state of my health etc. I’m aware that restricting usually leads to bingeing but it’s not hunger why I binge, it’s a completely different appetite I have. I’ve tried moderation many times, but if, for example, I buy groceries for a week, I can’t stop obsessing over them and eating them, and they are all gone by the time I go to bed on the first day, and then I feel like a monster and have wasted a lot of money. So I keep trying with this diet, and I am making progress, just scares me how bad my bingeing is whenever I try to moderate, it makes me so sad, I feel like I’ll never be able to eat a real food diet ever again.

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Day 87. Committed to staying sober despite what life throws at me.

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It’s pretty fine, only a little swollen and sensitive :grin:

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I’ve been working on this exact thing with my emotions too the last couple days! When an unwanted feeling hits me, like anger, shame, or fear - I pull it close to me, I let myself feel all of it, I stare at it straight in the face, I allow the feeling of it to take me over. And then amazingly, after a few moments of that horrible feeling in its essence, it’s gone. I don’t have to carry it anymore. It might pop back around again as a brief thought but I don’t have to FEEL it like that anymore. I can really let it go in a way I never thought possible. It feels like a magic trick!

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Day 43 checkin. @CueBall8n9 i’m so sorry to hear about your job but I’m inspired by how well you handled it! :yellow_heart:

Not too bad of a day, trying out some new online and in-person meetings this week which is feeding me life. Connecting with folks here and there during the week makes it so much easier to handle the rest. Wishing everyone a peaceful rest of your day. :crescent_moon:

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Checking in
Day 415
TW mentions of death

Really needed to check in about my day. It has been AWFUL. Like when it rains, it really pours :frowning:

Day started with a workout (which is a positive in my books). Took my son to the dollarstore for Easter crafts and birthday decorations for my husbands bday coming up. Came home to find another smaller fish eaten by our new bigger fish who has already thinned the tank by eating 3 other smaller ones already. Was putting my sons wheelchair away in the closet and busted the sliding door. Then, went to turn on the TV and the wifi/cable was out. Was on the phone for an hour dealing with customer service. I pleaded my case about the numerous issues we have had with them and thankfully they took me seriously and managed to get a technician here a few hours later. Got that dealt with thankfully (especially since our cameras in our sons room for the nurses at night runs off wifi). I was soo beyond stressed at this point. The only thing im impressed with is how i spoke to the internet/cable company lady. I surprisingly held it together and didnt flip my lid. But i was sooo overwhelmed already. Emails and phone calls were going off. Still had cleaning to do. Supper to prep. Then I got a call from my husband (who was at work). My husband told me that he got a call from an old, old friend of ours who mentioned that his gf passed away in hospital (they are both drug addicts and she in particular really suffered with her mental health). We havent spoken to them in ages. But that was upsetting bcuz its just sad to hear about someone hurting so badly that it caused their passing. But then here, this old friend, offered my husband and I to stop by later to use and chat and whatever. Hubby turned it down and told him that we havent used in over a year. Im soo grateful that he turned that down. I didnt doubt that he would. My mind however, for a brief second, thought “that would be a nice relief from my stress”. But i snapped myself out of that thinking real quick, bcuz all drugs ever do is cause pain and suffering. Then hubby gets home, im making supper and he gets another phone call. This time from his friend/coworker’s family member. Turns out my husbands friend passed away a couple days ago. He also struggled with his demons but had recently made a turn for the better and was doing well. I didnt know him personally but he was in his early 30s. Sad, sad news.

Im overwhelmed with fear of death and dying right now. Sooo many people have passed away over the last 3 years (more than any other years). It scares me with how short life is. This morning i cried and finally grieved over the loss of one of my close friends who passed just over 2 years ago. A song made me think of her. Im realizing that grieving is hard for me to do. Or maybe its just new territory since how i dealt with death in the past was to use drugs and “forget”. This day tho has been brutal and i cant wait for it to end. I am grateful for my recovery, grateful for being able to feel, grateful for being able to be truly present for those that are hurting, grateful to be alive today also. This day has made me really realize how short life is. How dangerous and life threatening addiction is. Evwrything could literally be gone in a second. It even made me realize how I sometimes take things for granted and how i need to stop being so closed off i guess. How i need to tell people how much i truly love them. Life is sooo short. Its just been a day. Thanks for letting me have some space to vent and process this.
:butterfly:

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Be grateful that you have turned from the path that leads to an early grave. That will not be your destiny.

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Checking in with 35 days AF. A chilly windy day skiing today, and a snowstorm rolled in, so we cut it short. Isn’t it Spring, for goodness sakes?!
Take care all!

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