Late check in on day 104. I wish you all happy Easter holidays, enjoy your sober holiday 
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Day 92. Been in a bad mood all day. Depressed and frustrated. I did get out for a walk this morning. So thatâs something.
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Day 39,
What a gloriously lazy Sunday. I only did 1 load of laundry today and nothing else I planned to do and I loved it. I ended up listening to my favorite podcasts throughout the day, then I had a nice shower, took an hour long walk around my neighborhood and showed some skin so every pore of me could drink the sunshine. Then I made three burgers all for myself and sat on the couch to watch TV. Now Iâm decompressing to smooth jazz and having the most boring, low stakes conversation with this tall handsome man who canât hold a conversation for anything on the dating apps and Iâm just enjoying the fact that Iâm being lavished with attention even though I do not plan to go on a date with this man unless he finds a personality.
The boy who ghosted me is back in my inbox after he saw that I have a new profile picture depicting me enjoying life while looking like a tasty snack and he asked me what Iâm doing tonight. Told him Iâm watching a movie and going to bed.
Dolly, these canât be the men you asked Jolene not to take from you 
But anyways peace and love,
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Good evening all and happy Easter, resurrection day, Sunday, whichever your prefer! Checking in on day 597. Had a great day with my side of the family. All are now recovering alcoholics and can be a little tense at times. But was really fun and enjoyable. Got a lot cleared up this weekend and making plans to hang out with this amazing weather coming up. Hope everyone is doing well and take care.
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Day 61 sober about to be in the books. Go to bed to read and then sleep. Tough week mentally with the knowledge of the impending business closure coming on June 30.
Up and down mentally and emotionally, but looking forward to my weekly AA Mee tomorrow night where I will get my official 60 day token. 
Looking forward to it
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Good luck dealing with your food sensitivities. I lived in mostly steak for several years to deal with anxiety and depression, I can eat more or less normally now but if I do go outside the designated safe foods I either get really sick, insanely tired or crazy headaches. Wish I had something useful to say but I hope you get through it, I know it sucks and is not readily understood by most people.
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Checking in
Day 420
I just feel so grateful right now for my recovery. It has been giving me alot of ups n downs lately but many blessings. Even during hard times, I am still blessed bcuz recovery gives me the ability to feel and face these challenges head on. As well as to come thru these challenges clean and sober. What a gift!
Today I worked, prayed, read my daily recovery readings, and then went to pick up some gifts for my son for Easter. It was cute to see him SO excited about the carrot he laid out for the Easter Bunny, which was then bit and left behind with his Easter gifts. I love being present and not preoccupied with using thoughts or whatever was going on in my head. Again freedom from that internal âcageâ is another gift.
My son is sound asleep and Iâm finishing up the laundry for hubbys work week ahead. I am excited to see what this week will hold for me. Wishing u all a good day/evening.
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Closing in on 6 months substance free (at 1:47am)
98.8 days sh free
144.95 not restricting food
Itâs been a wild ride but i am grateful that Iâve made it this far! I never could have done it without all of you here! Love yâall.
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Day 3. Beautiful weather. Went fishing with my dad. Didnât bring beer on the boat. Didnât have a craving, but did feel sad/nostalgic about it. Was able to put the thought aside pretty quick, so will call it a win.
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Checking in with 40 days AF. Super glad to see my days flip to the 40âs. Those 30âs were starting to annoy me!
Back home after a nice week skiing. Maybe because I spent 7 hours in the car today but it has been rough on the sobriety front today. I am annoyed and frustrated and I am imagining how relaxing it would be to have a (few) glass(es) of wine. I know, I know. Not the answer. Itâs really the worst my stupid-brain has been. Not going to act on the temptation. Just sucks.
OK, take care all.
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Day 9. Drank sodas and lemonade and ate chocolate.
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Day 374 AF.
Why am i feeling emotionally detached from everyone. I am struggling atm and feel i have no one to talk honestly with, as i dont feel its safe to share with people i know.
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Day 540 AF
Whatâs good, gang.
Happy Easter!
We had a pretty chill Easter with the fam and the kiddos.
Everythingâs going good so far. I did have some relapsing dreams a couple of weeks ago. But whatevers. Not gonna let them get to me. Staying focused on my sobriety. ODAAT.
Hope everyoneâs doing well. Take care.
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Sorry youâre struggling. If you felt safe sharing here you would get good support.
You are cared for and your fears, problems, anxieties are important.
Note to people in the US ⌠you can call 988 and talk to someone about whatever you might want to talk about.
There are helplines in other countries but I donât know what they are. I can google and see if the list pops up.
There are online Forums, oftentimes â in the roomsâ is mentioned and also online AA. People who care, people who will listen and hopefully be of some help or comfort to you.
If you feel like you are in harmâs way please call for help.
Big hugs.
This is what google found. Itâs on the USA page but you can click on many different countries and multiple numbers will pop up.
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So after 2 weeks I failed again.
But by checking-in constantly and monitoring my patterns I learned a lot. Bad news it does not change a anythingâŚ
By trying to improve for years I now see that I can easily not drink for few weeks and that is really not my priority or that I really like doing it. It just goes off little by little on itâs own away from my life. Bad news is drinking is simply something that I got used to âcalm downâ and what is problem here I just got used to it and donât know any other way that really works for me.
I did do meditation, autogenic trainings in the past, but I had much more free time and it is just something I do not see I can succeed to implement atm.
I donât know what to do really⌠I see that I like to grab few beers and go to nature, forest⌠maybe I need to try to do this more often sober?
I even was thinking to try drink something like minimum dose of phenibut once or twice a week, ( it is a Russian modified Gaba supplement that they created for astronauts, quite impressive thing, but lately banned and considered as drug in some countries, because many people uses it in high doses to get high) but I am not sure if judging by my goals drugs is really what I need.
I know that eventually I will find the way and by how I feel and how much I relapse lately I see the improvement and that I am really close to my goals.
(editing in the morning)
Starting to loose hope a little bit, and thoughts to give TS community a break comes in, but I donât think that would be a good idea. Staying here helps to do some progress and understand myself, but still constantly letting you all down really feels bad bad badâŚ
I am so sorry.
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I do not feel like I need help. Judging on how much i drink it is considered ânormalâ here and reaching help from where I am at the moment only gives laughter to others. Living in country where not drinking is consider as a âpussyâ thing is a bit akward.
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Maybe itâs time to try something different man. You have the desire to stop thatâs what really matters. You gotta not care about what other people think of you. You canât save youre face and youâre ass at the same time. Only way you can do that is with youâre head up youâre ass. Do what you think is right for you.
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Yes I keep working on this. It feels like it grows with sobriety time as a fury and I think it is the way! It is something like beard growing. It does not look nice at the beginning and takes time. You are right.
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Donât beat yourself up man you just keep youâre head held high and keep doing the right thing. Keep coming back donât fail yourself it is possible. Iâve lost count how many times Iâve relapsed and was honest about it I kept trying and Iâm glad I did. Be good to you.
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That was strong. But tell me how you quit? I was in AA and that did not worked for me. They keep telling horrible stories on how low they were, how they canât stop drinking, drinking for month, loosing jobs, families, everything⌠But deep inside I feel you are right. I need time to digest that. Thank You.
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