Day 62 evening checkin.
I went to AA tonight and wow it was exactly what I needed. I can’t believe how much I need and enjoy the fellowship of the meetings.
That is one of the big changes that has help me stay sober more than single digits.
And coming here and reading these posts and seeing the transparency of all you! Thank you!
Early in the game my tool was distraction and keeping busy but after a couple months i could have free time and not be tempted to pick up. Do what you have to, to get thru the day sober. Dont worry about tomorrow. You will face that tomorrow when its today.
Day 4 went well. Nervous about tonight. Husband was out of town for weekend but home shortly. I will be telling him my plan when he gets home. He will be supportive, but admitting I’m alcoholic, out loud, to someone in real life??? 
You are so loved here. You know that right? You’ve been here awhile. I’ve watched a lot of people on TS struggle with having relapse after relapse after relapse for years. I also saw others lose hope in them. But they didn’t give up. And a number of those people are still on TS with significant amounts of sobriety. You could very well be one of those specially admired people. Don’t give up.
I’m going to bring up something that might sound a little bit unique. It’s just an idea. In sex and porn addiction, a substantial number of us are realizing that we’re getting our fix by not only using our DOC, but by thinking about it as well.
Reformer Unanimous has a few principles that come to my mind.
Every sin originates in the heart
which means Before I Done it, I Thunk it!
and
Small compromises lead to great disasters.
I learned that by allowing myself to think about my DOC, the thoughts led to cravings. And the cravings led to acting out. Many users on this forum admit to having the cravings go away over time of not using. But for me, craving, and fantasizing, and looking at women actually was spiking up my dopamine and creating a little “using” experience. I was honestly thinking about it more to compensate for the loss of dopamine from abstaining from the behaviors. And I have a theory that, like us porn users, some drinkers are going to have to do more than just stop drinking. They’re going to have to stop thinking about drinking too.
I’m wondering if you might be one of those “lucky” ones. So please share. I could be completely wrong on this. But how often are you craving?
Day 34½
Got through my birthday in one sober piece. I got through it by pretending it was just another day. But then Brian cancelled, and my payee is still stonewalling me. So I went on the bus to nowhere in particular. Walked briefly on the nature trail, but that didn’t really help.
First appt with my therapist tomorrow (other than the intake appt) and I don’t know what to say. And this jagged tooth cutting into my tongue is driving me nuts. Can’t wait until Wednesday morning when it gets ripped out. Won’t be able to chew anything, but I’m okay with that.
Basically felt like drinking all day, but chatted with a TS member, and a friend of mine drove down from Hoyt with a homemade birthday cake, and my prison friend Theresa called. She just wanted to say hello, didn’t even know it was my bday. All in all, I finally got over the urge to drink. Now I’m looking for boring movies on Amazon/ Showtime. Have a great evening, all! 
Checking in with (nearly) 41 days AF.
Early morning spin class today. Grateful to be going to these - gets me to bed earlier, away from my undesirable thoughts earlier. Last night I had a decent night’s sleep too! Hoping for another.
Met some new-to-us neighbors today as we had to get their approval for some landscaping updates (draconian HOA). They were super nice. And so the spending begins…
Take care all!
Day 10. My appetite has returned! Heard from a beloved friend for the first time in a long time. Had some anxiety, but just leaned into it, and it passed. About to go to bed sober with the sound of a nice Spring rain outside. Nice.
Good morning Karen, hope you are feeling better today? I know those days, where just everything seems to go wrong. Good thing is that each day has an end and the next day is hopefully better, with new possibilities. Sending you positive energy, take care 
Last year I had opened up to my girlfriend that I had a drinking problem, and she already knew. Even if we cover our drinking by chewing gum, eating stuff, drinking strong flavoured beverages, there will be traces that we won’t smell, but others will. There is a good chance he also has an idea about your drinking, and will help you get through it, as he will understand you will become a better version of yourself without the alcohol.
Congratulations with your 9 months milestone Roland! 
Well done Theresa! Hope you have found something really good to celebrate with!
#Day 1666 
Did a walk yesterday and saw a massive smoke cloud coming our way. During the walk we got an alarm alert on both our phones it was toxic smoke from a big fire fire so we went home.
Congrats. That is awesome!
Pedi sounds amazing lol I haven’t had one in a long time since i was prego lol
Hello all,
Checking in on Day 1,719. A lot going on personally that has me stressed out this week. Its weird sometimes doing the right thing leads to negative consequences as if I did the wrong thing…
Thanks
Day 2 checking in 
AF 57 Grateful head cold only lasted 2 1/2 days but sleep is still on n off. Drink definately wouldn’t help , no brainer .
Let’s get another 24 
Sober fam!!
1403
Have as good a day as you can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Thank You for your time and support. To be honest this is what I mean by saying that I feel a lot progress is made. Although you see me relapsing, but I know that my views on alcohol is changing dramatically.
I remember in the past, even romanticising about drinking, having my “taste” and views on alcohol, choosing my favorite ones. Now it changed the point I do understand to it as a poison and do not crave it for days.
Then. When I have stress build up, are tired, feel awful I just want feel better. I even noticed I start to crave for porn, or junk food or nicotine. And I do pick a cigarette or porn or anything else, and then it helps for like 5 minutes and again I start to look for another escape or another or another, almost like panicing!
Yes indeed I think that my awful feeling may be something like leftovers of my past mental health problems. As I said I had panick atacks for 4 years! many many years ago, but I might still have some of it left in me.
And by telling others I feel tired or awful might be different “tired” than “just tired” to others.
Yes I think I need to start using something like herbal medicine for anxiety it might help.
But still alcohol really works on removing those unpleasant feelings. Yet I do feel worse the next day and I really need to find the other way because it is unhealthy, it is POISON and its ruining lives.
Thank You all, I really did not expect that much of support and replies. I hardly managing to reply to you all, but I really want to thank to each and every one of You.
To be honnest I feel that if anything will help me, I do start to believe it will be all of Your help. I constantly think about this comunity, hear your advices and try to grow together!
