Everyone has their breaking point. Youre putting in alot of work on your sobriety and bettering yourself. When your hubby said what he said it was upsetting. I know id be like “cant you see im working so fucking hard everyday?” You were probably offended.
We arent who we were in the past. We arent who we were yesterday. You are making progress. Remember progress isnt always linear.
You are a hard worker, a loving mother, and a recovering addict. Your spirit is rich.
As far as putting on a mask … thats worth digging into and therapy could help. You can even do therapy online these days.
Dont lose hope you are making progress. This blow up doesnt negate your work or make you a fake. When everyone calms down and you have gathered your thoughts its worth a convo with the hubby.
Checking in with 43 days AF. Realizing that is over 6 weeks now. Recalling how many times over the past 6+ years I’ve tried to remain sober. It’s been several. Often many more than 6 weeks. But I’ve always picked up again. And today I pretty much think I will again, at some point. Hoping I am wrong, working to be wrong. Crazy stuff, this disease. It’s been a day, that’s for sure.
And tomorrow is another!
Take care all!
First of all. Congrats on the 43 days.
And……
That sounds like some stinking thinking, right there, Jean. Certainly not one day at a time thinking. I get it though. My addict brain was trying to think of a way out after the first couple of months. Especially when I had trip a coming up. That’s when I came up with. “I’m not drinking today, and I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.” And I’d practice lots and lots of gratitude. I got so much more when I’m sober. And I bet you do too.
It gets fucken scary when you wrack up the days. I don’t know about you. But I just can’t do that first ten days or first month ever again. Hardest thing I did in my life. And I was terrified.
Don’t let this cunning and baffling disease control you any longer. You’re actually doing better than you’re feeling. We got your back. It doesn’t have to be the way it always was.
That’s maybe why you exploded. You are always there, you take care of your son with all these special needs, you work, you workout, you aim for healthy diet, losing weight maybe. That’s a lot of to do list. It would be for me.
It takes time for me to let go of my schedule which is of course a lot less filled than yours I guess. And when I feel, I need rest, I might feel guilty at first and yet it comes some feeling of ahhhhhh, sigh. Going out into nature, watching green.
And don’t swallow down everything until I explode. I am not a good example atm as I feel such a pressure I cannot let out I feel. I turn to people I can vent without being judged. That helps. I go out into the woods.
I’m proud of you for how hard you’re working, I love you for who you are now and who you are now is also a product of who you were then. We are all made up of our whole lives. It’s what makes us unique and makes us who we are.
I’m sorry that it was such a hard time I hope that when you wake up on Thursday that y’all are able to talk about it and go on down the road and enjoy the new couch. Your schedule is hectic I don’t see how you keep up with it I don’t see anything wrong with your memory. And if something was wrong with your memory I wouldn’t think that it was because you were using. My mind would go somewhere else. So know that you have support, know that people care, know that people love you just the way that you are and will stand by you. Here’s a hug and with it good thoughts that you will feel better when you read this. You are awesome. You do so much for so many.
Goodbye to Amsterdam for now. Just caught a different from my normal early morning commute. Heading for Berlin. First sober visit there. I feel it will be fun. X @Its_me_Stella Always good to see you check in friend. Indeed we’re not going to be fooled by our crazy brains no longer. Never again. One day at a time. Hugs. @Butterflymoonwoman Sometimes you need reminding how fantastic you’re doing. Because you are! You’re human just like the rest of us. Cut yourself some slack dear lady. X
Checking in on day 4 had some drinking dreams last nite which wasn’t fun got up early prayed and read on awaking from the AA big book going to start my day with that every morning get into a routine will be going to 3 meetings a week too while doing that keep my eye out for a sponsor hope everyone is well and having a good day
So everything seems back to it’s places, but I can tell that every time it is harder and takes much more energy to recover.
Totally not feeling 100% and this is really frustrating. Hope to recover my energy back and use it for good.
This is your addiction voice creeping in. Do you want it in your head? Do not let it grow stronger. If you really want a sober life you have to shut it down right now.
Your choice.
Have a relaxed holiday in Berlin @Mno . I’ve never been there, but it is on my wishlist as well. Have fun!!
#Day 1667
Again a very busy day at work yesterday and in the evening a dinner with family. The dinner was nice and with good compagny but it was hard to kept my eyes open. Today off from work and seeing a friend to catch up. My day off tomorrow is gone because of my sick colleque so I have to work instead. Saturday I have to work as well.
Glad I do not drink anymore. If I did I would have a headache right now and maybe more
At least I can really enjoy this day!
It’s 9:50 in the morning here and I’m sitting in my onesie beneath my heated blanket. Life could be much worse
Oh sweetie, don’t worry about flipping your lid at that. Earlier in my sobriety I slipped over some words and my husband accused me of drinking. I went absolutely ballastic about how I was speaking my second language, of course I will slip over words sometimes. And exactly, he doesn’t see how hard I work to stay sober, and you work harder than me! I don’t attend meetings, email my sponsor for shits and giggles. If I could watch shit on YouTube like he does instead I would.
And you are not broken. You have had experiences that hurt you, and you are working to heal. It is totally ok to not use coping skills perfectly all the time, no one does!
I hope tomorrow will be better for you.
I say this to myself - Tell your body everyday that, your spirit man will not serve your flesh anymore. (Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Corinthians 3：17）
I’m so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you’re healing. You are actually getting better even though it doesn’t feel like it. Seeing our masks and looking at our parts and trying to be whole are critical steps to becoming an authentic human and they’re only possible with sobriety. I’m so inspired by your strength.
Those Apps are designed to make and keep you addicted.
from my normal early morning commute. Heading for Berlin. First sober visit there. I feel it will be fun. X
. I hope everyone has an amazing day today, love you guys!