Good morning friends, I am still hanging on. I have amped up my meeting attendance to one everyday. The thoughts of self injuring have not gone away. I have dug to the bottom of my tool box for all of the tools that got me through the first few months of substance recovery. Checking in with my sponsor daily, daily meetings, daily meditations readings ontop of the many other things I was still doing for my recovery.
A couple of weeks ago I started intense therapy for my eating disorder, it is twice a week I am thinking that that on top of this stuff with my child is just a lot at once. I feel like if I stay hooked in I will be ok. There is one thing that I know, I can not fight this disease on my own no matter how loud my brain tells me to , āstay home, just go to bed, you dont feel like talking to anyone.ā These are all my truths but the longer I feed those isolating behaviors the stronger my disease gets and the dimmer my light will shine. I have learned its not my job to fight the darkness inside me thats my HPs job. My job is to keep my light shining bright so that my HP has easy access to me. I can only keep that light bright if i stay connected.
Finally I start to calm down, the extreme urge to scroll through TikTok vanishes. At work today I had zero craving. Weāll see how this behaves when Iām home and the habit I had (laying down, start doomscrolling) reminds me.
Work was okay. I had to go to the pharmacy to get something to help with my periodcramps. Now Iām better, looking forward to a nice evening on my couch with my hot water bottle. Or taking a bath maybe? Donāt know yet. Electricity here is still so expensive (and is still or again increasing) that you really think about how to reduce it.
I donāt know where this goes
Anyway, Iām sober, I won.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong
Had a good start today
Day 5 no weed day 165 no alcohol
@DryIn785
I had a urge to drink yesterday
The thought was like a flash grenade
I knew I wasnāt going to drink but it was strong and only lasted just a minute or less
Today Iām happy I didnāt pick up
I feel very awear and comfortable
I wish you a peaceful day today
71 days sober. I think im starting to understand there is just a lot i canāt control in life. I donāt want to be like a leaf being tossed about in the wavesā¦but i donāt want to fight everything in my life either. I believe im talking about acceptance.
Day 46 sober and Day 20 smoke free. Excited to get to day 30 no smoking as I feel thatās when the habit is broken. The whole quitting smoking thing is good distraction for the fact Iām almost 50 says alco-freeāŗļø
981 days no alcohol.
446 days no cocaine.
68 days no vape.
14 days no impulsive spending.
1 day no binge-eating.
I was awake later than usual last night, and I also ate some sugary foods, so I woke up later than usual too. Iāve managed to do all of my usual routines, both walks, meditations, reading on here, etc.
Feeling a bit emotionally hungover, but much calmer at the same time, than yesterday.
Feeling a bit better today! 7 Months without a single drink, still not the longest ive been but definitely ore confident this is it for good this time.
Wow, cool! Never have seen one like that one!
My Hei Tiki has paua shell eyes as well.
My new Manaia peke peka pendant arrived today. Itās much bigger as the Hei Tiki and has more weight. I think I like it but have to get used to it. Changed the colour of the cord into a black one and let the craftsman also shorten it a bit.
Second check in
Iām sure you guys know the smell of rotting chicken in a trash can you forgot to bring out right?
Me too.
I realized more than 1 hour ago āhm, smells absolutely bad, ohoh I forgot the trashā
And do you also know the funny liquid that sometimes appears on the bottom of the trash can?
I spread it in my whole damn kitchen while pulling out the bagā¦
I was in such a rage that I cried
Now everything is clean, I am clean. But my skin broke out in a rash, I look like a white painting with a reddish cow pattern.
Amazing. Amazingā¦
Good night, I hope I donāt dream about this tonight
Yes, I call that ābin juiceā. A friend once recommended to put a layer of wood based cat litter in the bottom of the bin which is my favourite tip of all time.
Day 353.
Iām planning for a camping trip we have in August and have just bought a few bits and pieces, camping stove, kettle, bowls etc. online. Iām getting excited already!
ODAAT x
Iāll check in for real when I get home.
Never have seen one like that one!
