Sometimes it feels like you are slogging through mud, with no flower in sight! But trust you are learning and growing.
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Thank you for saying the things i need to read/hear. I hate that my brain goes against me so much. It feels like it will never end sometimes. I want results and i want them nowā¦i know thatās not how it works. Itās a big character defect of mine. I have to trust the process and let the universe take me where i need to be.
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Iām trying. I love flowers and would love to bloom into one!
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@Juli1 Welcome back - I can totally understand the need to feel disassociated but just remember the emptiness that drinking alcohol would bring. Let your body heal properly. Are you able to do light activities that would not take a toll on you? Start slowly - Iāve heard that the after effects of covid can be super tiring. Yeah to a clean start - we are here if you need
@BrOKenWolf Happy Birthday Richard! So sorry that your friend left you waiting with no explanation. I do hope you had a fantastic birthday. How did you celebrate?
@KarenKW I am sorry you are feeling this way. I myself am in a similar state of mind. Trying to surround myself with comedy, meditation, daily gratitudeās and fresh air to keep me grounded and not letting my feelings spiral out of control. Wishing you the best!
Thank you @Mno ā your words really resonated with me.
Day 127 alcohol and weed free
Day 542 smoke free
I am doing my best to keep my sobriety from all things toxic for my body - so far iām succeeding. Thank you friends.
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Evening check in
Day 438
Feeling a sense of relief today. Things are slowly falling into place for me and my family. My husband finally got his raise that he has been waiting months for and our son is doing well in school. His behaviors have miraculously vanished over the past 2 weeks (maybe he was going thru a phase of testing boundaries with his teacherā¦ idk). But i also think the relief I feel is due to constantly (daily) letting go of the situation and giving it to God. Instead of fighting and worrying over things I cant control, I basically do what I can and then give the rest upā¦ all the anxiety and worry and fear i feel, I let go of that. The past week ive really just focused on my recovery and my relationship with my HP and im seeing things differently. My outlook on life has positively changed. Im calmer, im more at peace, i have less concerns and worries, Im not in a rush to get through my day, and I actually have a sense of joy in my life (which amazes me bcuz i have rarely felt genuine joy and excitement about life. Life has always been so serious from as young as i can remember). I have faith and trust in my HP that things come to me at the right time. That theres a plan for me. And that when things dont go my way, its usually for a good reason. I may not always understand what that reasoning is but i have faith that it is happening for a bigger purpose. In July I will be getting baptized. I made that decision for myself bcuz God saved me from addiction. Literally he did. He did for me what absolutely could not do for myself. My track record showed time and time again of me failing. 22 years i struggled with drugs! And once I surrendered everything, things began to change. I am grateful beyond words 
Have a fabulous day/evening everyone!
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Butterflymoonwoman, im happy that you are at a good place in your life.
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Checking in with 58 days AF and still a grumpy attitude. Awake for good at 4 am, boring day, I ate stupid stuff when I wasnāt remotely hungry, I didnāt check off enough on my to-do list, blah blah blah. Absolutely a good thing there is no booze in my house tonight. OK, mini-rant over.
Take care all.
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Checking in on day 685. Today was a clown show. The school mixed things up and sent my 7yo to the wrong place after school 
Got that sorted out after a bit of mild panic. Tonight I am a bit wired up, but very tired. Trying to relax. Have a good day/night friends.
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This makes me so happy to read 
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Day 
Long weekend ahead! Letās make it right 
After hard workout and batteries drained - this is always a thin ice for me. Still, doing all my homeworks and using all the tools. There is too much benefits from sobriety that I just donāt want to loose all that for a few hours of being stupid 
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Day 27. Got to be a sober driver tonight for a friend. It felt so foreign, but satisfying 
. Seeing him boozed up and smelling like beer made me want to drink even less. I was just picking him up, though. Iām not ready to go to bars or parties with booze. Thatāll be the BIG test FAR down the line. One day at a time. 
You guys rock!
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Day 209 alcohol free
Day 17 social media free
What a night 
I didnāt wake up at night as I used to but I had a pretty scary dream. I canāt put the parts together 100% but I was sick in my dream and when I woke up my heart was racing, I was so scared.
Fell back asleep and of course overslept
I had 15 minutes to make me look alive lol. Made it
Now letās see what the day brings.
One thing I already know, at 12 we wonāt have any water at work. In a Doctorās office with old patients who sometimes react with diarrhea to the meds we give them.
Fingers crossed thatās all going to be fine today 
See you later fam 
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
Update:
Our complete system is offline.
I wanna go home so bad 
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Congratulations @BrOKenWolf Richard 
@Juli1 enough said already, glad you are here with us 
@KarenKW sorry you feel like this, maybe a good early night of sleep helps a bit? I know itās not that simple, but sometimes it just keeps me sober and make me feel a bit better the next day as well 
#Day 1682 
Had a nice long walk yesterday. But the day off was gone soon after it was began. Some days do that
Today? Work.
Picture of the āDagpauwoogā I caught sunbading yesterday.
3 night of sleep before heading to Spain
See you again tomorrowā¦
Donāt do anything I wouldnāt do, promished?
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1420
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love
Awake too early after my late shift last night. I guess Iāll nap a bit later on this day off. Working the weekend. Iām ok. I hope yāall are too. X
The little vid is from my nightly commute.
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Day 19 checking in last day of work then Iām off till Tuesday hope everyone is well
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Day 56 sober and Day 27 smoke free. Had wild cravings for cigarettes this week as I moved to half a patch of nicotine replacement therapy. Popped on another half patch for a fix. I wanted to wean myself off the patches fairly sharply but now understanding why thatās difficult, ha. The smoking issue is again providing a lovely mask of the fact that Iām almost two months alcohol free.
Looking across my adult life there are so few blocks of time like this so itās keeping me motivated to reach for the moon.
Hope everyone is good. A lot of countries have a bank holiday weekend this weekend for labour rights. In the UK we do, so will be a nice long weekend. Have a lovely long weekend if you ahve one
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Thank you @JazzyS. Celebrated like a true party animal, I went for a haircut, took my son to a follow up at hospital and then worked a 12 hour shift until 3am.
Talk about style! 
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Day 104.
Last night I was up late watching the Firefly Lane finale and by the end of it I was an emotional crying mess. I really wanted to call or text my mom and tell her how much I loved her. But then I remembered it was 3 am and if she saw the call sheād think Iām drinking again and worry. Then I wanted to wake up my husband and pup and give them a big hug, but again, 3 am and heād worry that I relapsed.
So, I went to sleep.
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@Amy30 Speaking as a husband, I obviously donāt know your relationship dynamic but, you should have woken him.
If I were in his shoes my reaction would have been to comfort you as a caring husband should do.
You turning to him would have given him emotional pleasure and added to his self value too knowing youāre turning to him for sober emotional support. Iām sure he would have seen you hadnāt relapsed as soon as he spoke to you and that you just needed some comfort.
I know thatās what my wife has said she feels like when I just need that supporting ear to bend or arm around me when I struggle.
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My husband is very supportive and I probably would wake him if I was having a panic attack or something. But crying over a TV show isnāt reason to wake anyone up.
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