I stand happily corrected! 
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@JazzyS thank you 
š©µ keep doing what works for you, congrats on 5 months
@nastya_is_fighting sorry about your bad morning yesterday and the argument with your mother 
sending strength š©µ Iām glad your employer agreed you could work from home.
@Rockstar24777 although itās true that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, before antidepressants start doing their thing, it might be worth checking in with your doctor for some reassurance. Keep reaching out, sending strength š©µ
@Markjackson yay for your walk 
good luck for your tests 
@Bones_80 congrats on 6 months I hope your pain settles back down
@Markx congrats on 80 days
@Will3 congrats on 3 years 
@Catmama23 I am so relieved that you made it through your intense craving 
š©µ
@JennyH welcome back congrats on 8 days
@Cjp sorry about the coworkers 
1015 days no alcohol.
480 days no cocaine.
102 days no vape.
21 days no impulsive spending.
Checking in for Mondayā¦I wrote my post at 3:30am but fell asleep before posting, just caught up with everyoneās check-ins, so posting nowā¦
Well, addiction definitely wanted to win yesterday. It has came at me from every angle. I havenāt mention it yet, but I either have new neighbours above me, or the ones that live there are renovating/redecorating. For the past few days there has been continous knocking/banging, even through the night every time Iāve woken up. To me, it sounds like someone cutting up cocaine. Then, I saw 4 guys I hadnāt seen before, talking to people in a car, and as I walked past I heard ājust got 35 kilosā. Anyway, I thought I was at my limit before yesterday, but then a new noise started, it sounded like an angle grinder, plus another sound like they were sawing through the ceiling! I was so angry and frustrated, I kept craving a vape so bad. My addict was trying all sorts to convince me, like āit doesnāt matter because you havenāt quit nicotine yet, youāre still on NRT so whatās the differenceā ājust one, to take the edge offā ātoday would be a good day to relapse because youāre speaking to the cessation nurse tomorrow and sheād blame the reduction in your patch strength and put you back on the higher strength onesā, "itās only a vape FFSā, and so on.
I did all my usual routine. It was really dull and cloudy so I felt depressed after such a beautiful day the day before. I resisted going in the shop though. I sat outside on the bench near the block I live in, a few times, but could still hear all the noises over my music. Iāve noticed a few different vehicles outside at various times too. And these addict voice thoughts were relentless. I even looked online and saw that I coukd get vapes delivered from the local grocery stores. Stopped myself from looking though.
As for bingeing, the battle continues. When I went for my PM walk, I even took my bank card and a carrier bag with me, so that I coukd go to the shop after my walk, before coming home, but when it got to the turning, I went home instead. I was proud of that, but then, when it got to 9:30pm, I panicked and went to the shop at 9:45pm (they close st 10pm), and bought crisps (chips) and mango. No sugary stuff though.
Before I went to the shop, I honestly felt so much rage. I tried to come here to reach out but my eyes were too blurry, very sore, and vert watery, which made them even more sore, so instead, I did 5 back to back meditations, and felt so much better! Iāve always known meditation works for me, but I didnāt think it was going to calm me right down like it did yesterday.
By the time Iād watched an episode of Sweet Tooth, at 10pm, it had been 3hrs since Iād taken my meds already, plus I was exhausted from the battle with addiction all day, so I layed down and closed my eyes to see if I could sleep, next thing, my cats woke me up at 3am for their breakfast, but now Iām wide awake so wanted to do my check-in before attempting to go back to sleep.
š©µ
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@Mno congrats on the permanent contract
@Alycia there really is no shame in needing medication for your mental health, sending strength š©µ
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How are you all today? Iām checking in on day 16. Just did 5k on the treadmill at the gym - feeling good 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,073. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Good morning, afternoon, evening for some. Checking in traveling through month 2 of this journey. Stay strong and sober family.
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Day 234, nice number hm? 
Iām already on my way home, period got worse since yesterday. Meh. Who invented that!? I need to talk to the manager!
Iāll get something yummie to eat and relax, treat me well. Also I have to bake another oat bread 
This bread really helps me to stop the craving for unhealthy foods, thatās awesome. I sometimes eat it with something sweet too but thatās way less sugar than I would consume without that bread.
Besides that thereās nothing interesting to write about, hmm maybe the man I met. But that just happened some days ago so: stay calm. Heās not my type from the outside but from the inside. Still, Iāll stay cautious. My intuition didnāt work well in the past with men.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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Day 9, after a bad day mentally i awoke craving, but i beat it, went out for a walk, finished a book snd journalling, my brother seeing me end of the week at home for tea and dinner so something to look forward to, psychiatrist appointment soon for meds and that, feel happy another day without, @Rockstar24777 how you doing today? @CATMANCAM well done for getting through a tough day!
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Congratulations on ur 20 days of freedom!!
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Congratulations on 3 months!! Way to go!
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Thatās actually very delightful to hear about everyone coming out to say hello and chat
.
I hope a job comes through for me
Iām ready for work
Iād start today if I could just so I could fall asleep tonight feeling content and hopeful
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Checking in day 12
In good spirits
Stay strong everyone
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@Mno Congrats on the contact work.
@Becsta doing awesome! I do hope you figure out a way to nap during the day ā donāt want you to burn out at this pace. I never could nap and still not the best at it but I do try and force myself to laydown and close my eyes ā at least the body gets some rest (if I fall asleep then bonus)
@Lea08 so glad that you are reconnected as well. So happy to hear the positivity in your life from being sober. I am thrilled that you are getting this time to spend and enjoy with your kids and make some amazing memories
@HappyDays Congrats on your 20 days!!!
@Alycia I hear you that it totally sucks when you are doing everything right and you still donāt feel ārightā. Donāt look at going back on the anti-depressants as a bad thing ā its just an aid at this moment to get you through. You have been off of them for 2 years and will be again soon. I can understand wanting to drink cause why not ā nothing seems to be working ā this is so wrong (you may not see all the changes but you are healing in your 419 days of sobriety) Keep checking in, and I do hope the meds help you get out of your funk. We are here for you.
@CATMANCAM Thank you! My goodness my friend ā that addict demon is really digging in deep. Its awful that you are dealing with all that noise when you are trying to find peace. I do know that my brothers next door neighbors live on the stairs (constantly running up and down) It doesnāt seem to bother anyone but me ā go figure. I couldnāt even imagine being around the noise you are describing. Good on you for talking yourself out of the urges. It really is a matter of consciously talking to ourselves and sometimes making deals with ourselves. You are doing great with the bingeing too. Canāt go from 0 to 60 too quickly so baby steps my friend ā you are really putting in the work and it shows.
@Sabrina80 Love the number! You are cracking me up and I know you are feeling like shit ā hope it gets better very soon. Let me know if you get a hold of the manager. Enjoy the bread ā your body needs it. Hmmm? A man huh? Be cautious but donāt be closed off ā its always the inside that counts most. Have a fabulous day.
@ArtMama Well done on the 90 days!!!
@Noshame It was a nice feeling knowing that I did have a community in my old neighborhood (lived in there for 18ish years) I am hoping that something does come along for you too ā I see all the effort you are putting in ā keeping fingers crossed that something pans out.
Checking in on Tuesday morning
I am frustrated today ā started off well ā woke up at 5:30, got my first saliva vial completed. Tidied up and got my coffee ready. Stopped by my parents on my way for morning walk. Got into a fight with mom (turned the morning to shit). Luckily didnāt have money on me so couldnāt buy cigs to calm down. Did go for my walk but then Ā½ way realized I had a delivery to make that Iād apparently forgotten about ā rushed home to get that done. Late on eating breakfast which I need to eat in time to give myself 2 hours of no eating / drinking before filling next vial. Have 4 total today so itās gonna be fun ā Iām on my way to get some baking done and hopefully the mediations Iāve been doing all day will help raise my mood. Already feeling more at peace. Have a blessed sober day everyone. 
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Day 129
Today Iāve been having a relatively lazy one butā¦ yeah. It is what it is. Iām really struggling to function and the heat isnāt helping. And my AirBnB host didnāt leave the air-con remote. I understand him wanting to save money. I completely understand how energy prices have gone through the roof. But FFS, Iām not his cousin Carol heās allowing to stay in the apartment as a favour. Surely the cost of renting should include the use of amenities???
Rant over.
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Checking inā¦day 107. ODAAT!!! All is well, i can not complain today
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You should file a complaintā¦ thats not acceptable
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Checking in. Day 227
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Checking in. Shitday, shitanxiety, shitbody, shitmind, shittougths. Staying sober, thats the only easy part atm.
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