Checking in daily to maintain focus #54

I still can’t believe what happened to me this week. But it feels so good, I feel after really long time so happy.
Meet my boyfriend. I asked him to date together yesterday, he said yes. <3


Checking in sober :pray:t2:


day 250

Still here, still AF, 2 days vape free too.
Trying to kick the nic as well now.

Im very grateful for the life I get to live now.
Heres some before and now for you.

This was taken by a friend of mine, who has been sober for years, we worked away from home alot where I would eventually dive very deep into my addiction of drinking and often be found this way.

To now! Taken tonight sober on a sat eve just chilling with my wife watching a bit of tv and eating good.


Day 1,079 clean and sober today. Thank you all for the support yesterday. I spent most of the day napping and bought some art supplies and tried my hand at painting. Looks horrible but it was relaxing and soothing so that’s a win in my book. I think the medication might be starting to kick in as I was able to get housework and laundry done and even eat something too. My sleep is improving as well with the new nighttime medication and I have a follow up appointment with my doctor this Tuesday. Thank you again for all of the love and support I appreciate it and love you guys. Have an amazing day today :sunglasses::metal:t2:


Day 238

Beautiful weather outside but I’m staying inside. The meds I have to take for my backpain make me a little dizzy, but they’re helping (and luckily non-addictive).
It’s already a bit better than yesterday, baby steps. I hope I can have a walk on Monday. This time I don’t want to make step nr. 2 before step nr. 1.
Besides that I’m fine, no cravings :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I hope you’re having a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong :kissing_heart::muscle:


Hey all, checking in on day 1,077. I hope everybody has a good one!


Day 1665 I think.
Just came back from a hike and on my way home I stopped at the grocery store and met my boss here. Having 4 bottles of wine/sparkling wine or whatever and some other things and making a joke somehow on how without sports and alcohol it wouldn’t be possible. I think some years ago I would have joked with her. Now I somehow don’t feel like this. Makes me more think.
Well, I am grateful that you can meet me in any store now and there is nothing I have the feeling to justify for.


Looks like u were up before the sheep. Ha

Have a nice day


1st day back here in months. I’m not worried about relapsing, just needed people.

Day 194.


@Planipennia thank you for sharing
@icebear sorry about the car – hope its not an expensive fix. I know that I’ve recently had a few scratches and now 2 dents in mine (not sure from what or who – a lot of traffic in our tiny parking lot at work) but I do know that I don’t care and am not in any hurry to fix em. Of course mine our cosmetic so I can wait on this but the main thing is that I didn’t get all angry about it and laughed it off like you have – love the acceptance we get from sobriety)
@GenG so glad that the doc appointment went well – enjoy your weekend.
@nastya_is_fighting Happy for you my friend. Glad your week is going well and you are feeling good.
@Rockstar24777 I am so thrilled to hear that you got through yesterday with a little self-care and that your medications are starting to take effect. Watch out now – Your old vibrant self is going to shine through - just be ready :wink
@Brian1965uk welcome back Brian and yeah – we all need people – glad you are back with the community

Checking in on Saturday Morning
Doing what I can to stay ahead of my feelings and work on them as they arise. I’m enjoying my hot cup of coffee and debating making a berry smoothie now. No urges to speak of for now and let’s hope it stays that way …. Have a fabulous day – sending much love


Day 13 and going strong, more optimistic about life :grin:


Welcome back!


Day 1037
I’ve typed out a few posts on the forum but always fail to press send. I guess I’m feeling shy? Idk… I used to think I was addicted to this place and I did manage to break the habit only to find the grass is not always greener on the other side. The people here are so REAL and on other social media sources can feel very fake. Plus IG & FB are the most random collection of people I’ve met the last 20 years, most of which probably hate me or have seen me blacked out.

The school director invited me to “girls night.” Haha! I hadn’t even been considered a candidate in anyone’s “girls night” in over 4 years. I’ve been in my safe bubble. But that got the wheels in my head turning. Contemplating if I could ever drink again. I know the answer. I read on here the other day “if you’re not working on your recovery you are working on your relapse.” (@I.cant.We.can) I spent yesterday at the super marker staring at the wine bottles playing the tape forward. So here I am… I know it would never end well for me.


You definitely have a sparkle in your eye! :sparkles:Well done! :+1::grin:


Hey Sarah - so glad that you hit send today. I totally agree that this community is by far so real and amazing and everyone makes you feel at home and welcome. Absolutely the truth here and zero judgement which I am so in love with and drawn to. I am totally addicted to this site / community and it’s one addiction I am ok with.
The longer you are sober the more your mind tends to forget what brought you to sobriety in the first place and tries to convince you that you can drink “normally” or moderately - sorry, this is not the case for us and for most if they are honest about it. Life is so much better without it. Could you go to girls night and not drink? :thinking: Take your NA drinks or make mocktails or…sodas? Just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you don’t have fun. Just ask yourself if these are the folks you want to have fun around and if being around them will be safe for your sobriety.
Wishing you the best and hope that you hit send more often.


29 days alcohol free. Feeling very lonely.

For AA folks, what has your experience been as a sponsor or sponsee? I am feeling disappointed in how things are going with my sponsor. It’s been about three weeks and I’ve only seen her once and we’ve talked on the phone a few times. Today she was supposed to meet me at a meeting but couldnt because she had to take her son to swim practice. I totally respect that but then why say you could go and then cancel last minute? I thought we would have coffee dates and go through the big book. The day I relapsed she just texted me a couple times and never called. It was actually this forum that kept me from relapsing. She just started a new and very stressful job and I’m wondering why she took me on. Shouldn’t there be more interaction than this? And my annoyance and hurt about the situation is spilling over to the AA program as a whole which is bad. I hear over and over how so and so is best friends with their sponsor and how their sponsor changed their life yadda yadda. Well that’s great but doesn’t give me any guidance on how to manifest that for myself. Also, all these people give me their number and say reach out and I have multiple times and they respond but never initiate. How is this supposed to be a one way connection? Nothing works like that in real life.

So I guess you can tell how I’m doing today… irritable and angry and lonely. I did meditate this morning and it helped for a while but then I went to a different (earlier) AA meeting and it was just blah. Then I exercised and spent the whole time going round and round in my head about this. I’ve never been able to click with a sponsor so maybe I’m the issue. But that just feeds into me thinking I’m broken and no one wants to have a connection with me. I’m actually spiraling a bit and worried…. AGAIN… about a relapse. I’m supposed to have quality time with my partner this weekend but I have a lot of resentment toward her too about some stuff and feel like I just have to push all that down. Sorry about the rant……


Oh sweet @Catmama23 i know the feeling of wanting a closer relationship with your sponsor. I agree she should be more available. Maybe look for someone else who has more time for you and your recovery?

You arent alone in those feelings. I can relate big time.


Thanks @Cjp … I don’t trust my own perceptions on this dynamic and am troubled that I’ve had zero luck with the three sponsors I’ve had so far (this one and the two when I first tried to get sober 10 years ago).

Speaking of perception, I also keep hearing that alcoholism (and maybe other addictions as well) is the result of a disease of perception. What does that mean? Is there more context given in the big book I haven’t come across yet? Don’t “normal” people also get lonely, angry, resentful? Do we just have more of those feelings or are less able to cope with them? I know AA is a plan of action but I’m someone who needs to understand the WHY… ok I’m really done now :joy:


Firstly, stop looking at your sponsors from 10 years ago. You arent the same person. Alcoholics are like normies. Ive never heard of the skewed perceptions theory. This sounds like something to look into.

What are you feeling? You want more support. That doesnt seem like a distorted perception. Sounds like you know what your recovery needs and you will feel empowered to ask for what you need


I am not a AA goes yet and have not tried to get a sponsor but do know from talking with others that a good sponsor does initiate contact and does call back with you are in distress (not just texts) and would not cancel a meeting unless seriously necessary. With that said - this sponsor may have all the right intentions but not be ready for the time commitment someone new to sobriety would require. Don’t give up hope and keep looking - you will find someone that can meet your needs. You are not broken and are not asking for too much here - You are aware that you want to recover and what you need to make that happen and are actively pursuing this - that in itself is amazing.
As for your partner and the resentment you feel towards her - can you talk it out? would she be receptive to this? The longer you hold it in the more it’s going to fester and eat at you which we know leads to explosions.
Check in here as often as you need - wishing you luck with your search for a good sponsor and hope your day turns around for you. :people_hugging: :heart: