Sorry you feel this way 
Sending you a big hug and hope you feel a bit better tomorrow. I do not know your timezone, but if it is bedtime then itās good to lay your head on the pillow sober and clean and start fresh tomorrow.
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Another day sober marathon day today wish me luck 
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#Day 1712 
Ok, I had a good talk with my addictive brain yesterday, my āwinewitchā 
I caught her in the act when passing an old couple ejoying a special brewed beer in the sun on a terras.
I felt jealousā¦
My winewitch told me: āyou can never do that, is that really what you want in life?
Never ever sit on a terras in the sun with your hubby enjoying a fresh beer?ā
But I still can! I can still sit on a terras with my hubby. I can still enjoy a beer, but an alcohol free one.
Iām not missing out anything beside the feeling relaxed by being intoxicated, but what has that bring me at the end?
Hangovers, blackouts, secret drinking, lying to my husband, etc.
So I know where that arrow is ballancing to!
Today? Go for a walk in the morning with the hubby, do some housechores and having a diner with my brother and his family in the evening.
Looking forward seeing them again
Have a good day all
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Good luck, have a great run!
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What a difference! You look healthy and happy, thatās the way it should be 
!
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Thatās absolutely correct you can still do all these things.
Iv been thinking similar feelings also.
I gave up ciggerettes the same day I did the drink and cocaine. All at the same time I had to. I couldnāt drink wine without a cigarette and I couldnāt have a cigarette without wine. So I knew for my own circumstances I had to stop.
IV often thought it would be so nice to have a beer or wine in the garden, I even thought of non alcoholic ones then thought ā¦ Well then Iād need ciggerettes, IV craved cigarettes badly too but thought well if I start smoking again itnmsy trigger a relapse. Amongst the hefty cost it would take for me to get āhighā ā¦ You post made me think, a drink would ruin everything that is good in my life and Iv worked hard to make it good. And I know all too well I could damage it all just in one relapse.
Itās not worth it.
I found your post so powerful for me this morning 
Thank you.
Then I thought really hard, then decide to stop thinking because I was thinking deep about the cost, moderation etcā¦ lol like I doā¦
But your absolutely right we can still do all the things we want, and we know we will enjoy them and remember them.
If I was to drink in my garden I can only imagine the first drink being the start of a big switch in my personality and then feeling carelessness towards everything that deeply means alot to me. And then I guess just waking up and not even remembering the evening.
Your post has really helped me this morning. Sorry if the above doesnāt make sense it just kinda flowed out while I typed. I re arrange my garden Yesterday and that voice had been nagging me a bit similar to you. And. Your post just helped me realise that being in the garden sober is going to be a colourful and nic relaxing experience.
And that Iām not alone
Thank you again.
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Did a long ride along the Holland coast yesterday with the wind more or less in my back. Had a great time. Beautiful weather, birds singing, shrubs and trees flowering, not too many people around yet, 99% of the nearly 200 km I rode on dedicated bike roads through the sand dunes.
A thing happened when I had a snack break along the way. Another cyclist stopped and sat down next to me. And started a conversation. We chitchatted for 10 or 15 minutes, then we said goodbye and went our ways.
Now that may seem totally normal to you, but for me this is actually huge. Until now something like this would never happened and never did happen. Both consciously and unconsciously I kept people at bay. I didnāt invite contact, quite the opposite. And if someone would have sat down next to me like that I would have left immediately.
So what happened yesterday really is big for me. Itās part of my journey of Discovery. Itās to say therapy actually is helping me to go places. Staying clean and sober and being part of this community right here is helping me go places. Iām going places. One day at a time. I love it.
Another thing that happened afterwards, during my shower: I had a crave for alcohol. First one in a very long time. Just lasted a second or two but it was there. Still trying to fathom out why. I feel itās an echo from the past. How in the past I used to ārewardā myself for an achievement like this with getting drunk after, at home or in the bar.
Trying to analyze what exactly it was I craved and why took the edge of immediately. Did I want expensive wine, because of its great taste, like I told myself in the past? Some Western Isles Scottish single malt? Nah. I just wanted to get drunk. Iām a drunk. And because Iām a drunk I donāt drink.
Actually it was a big relief to come to that conclusion. Iāll take the occasional crave to drink over being an addict in active addiction anytime any day anywhere (which btw is a reference to the Martini commercial that was on TV here daily in the early 80ās). Never again. Have a good Sunday all. Sober and clean. Love.
@SoberWalker @Twizzlers Maybe itās in the weather we all were thinking along these lines my friends. Weāre in this together. Makes me happy. Thanks for being here with me.
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Youāre running a marathon? Or youāve got a long day ahead?
Either way, good luck 
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Morning,
Checking in on day 434.
Iām doing a Strava challenge, my first one. Walk 50k in May. Easy I thought, Iāll fly through 50k, 50k is nothingā¦ Fast forward to 28 days later, Iāve only walked 19k. It hasnāt been easy, I didnāt fly through it.
Better get my walking boots on and get out there if Iām going to get my virtual medal 
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Definitely I think itās the weather also.
With exercise, and walking in nature and setting the garden up I feel Iv got a plan if things get very bad. Safe spaces to meditate and and chill.
This echos in the past ā¦ I like this word. Itās fits for those situations.
Iām glad you were comfortable with the unexpected chat with the other cyclist. And it was positive, itās lovely to hear and see you feeling the good parts of therapy seeping into your daily life.
This make me so happy
Have a lovely sober day.
Iām going to get out to the shops, plan to have a meal in the garden today. Something I get anxious about, like you mention some things are huge accomplishments for us and many of us, so facing it and doing it and im going to enjoy it.
Have a great day 
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Checking in, day 4 clean and sober. Definitely feeling worthless, mentally exhausted and like i have failed not only myself but my loved ones. I was sober previously before this relaspe for 4 years. Feel like ive lost all that progress. Im grateful to be alive and to have 4 days clean, but my mentality is definitely struggling.
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Welcome to the thread Jessica. Congrats on your four days clean. Itās one day at a time for all of us. I donāt think you lost your 4 years, but either way it is in the past, just like your relapse is. Onward and upward.
To me it sounds like what youāre suffering from is some sort of emotional hangover form becoming clean again. You will get over by using the right antidote. And you found that by coming here. The opposite of addiction is connection. Iām glad youāre here. Youāre not alone. Weāre in this together.
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Day 393 and feeling pretty good. My daughter won 2 medals, a gold and a bronze, for her harp playing yesterday. Iām so proud of her. Iām having my parents over today to go through some paperwork to do with the flat. Iām hoping to get a good long term solution this time.
Here is a pebble I painted with nail polish this morning.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,078. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Haha, thatās amazing! It sounded really good, got me all nostalgic. We are a few miles away too so lucky to hear it. The traffic in this area is completely gridlocked around Slam Dunk time. Hope he made it home!
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Checking in on Day 13, from a bench in our town centre. Husband is looking at laptops in a shop and just walking in that department bores me. Felt bad for him with me ruining his experience by trailing him like a bored child. Relocated to a bench in the sunshine It really is beautiful in England right now. All the rain has meant an explosion in colour, and now it is sunny so we can really appreciate it.
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Your welcome 
Itās so good to be around people who understands it, so thank you as well. I had a conversation about that old couple and my feelings around it with my husband. Yes, he listened. But he doesnāt really felt what I felt. He does not know how it feels. I think I still mourn sometimes and maybe romanticize the drinking at the same time?
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You keep going i have every faith in you!
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Oh no no you donāt! I learned that letting out how I feel helps to take some of the negative power off of me.
I hope you know what I mean?
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Hit my 2 weeks around 10 hours ago, feeling really good! Lots of anxiety being off work at the mo because of my mental health and thinking about my future, my job etcā¦ really been wanting to make a change for a few years, isnt the same place when i joined, but being optimistic
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