It’s a beautiful day again, a little colder than yesterday but still warm enough to wear a t-shirt.
I inspected the ants I found crawling here and there on my balcony. They are in one spot specifically and seem to eat greenflies I have on one flower. Fascinating.
I think, as long as they don’t bother me I won’t bother them and just let them do their ant-thing.
I won’t use any chemicals as I did last year that, in the end, killed everything that had contact with the flowers I sprayed.
I had some interesting deep-talk with the guy I met until 3am yesterday. We’re both clueless what that is what we feel for each other. We made the deal that we both want to check that out and see where that leads us. It definitely feels very different from the last experiences I had with men.
It’s almost 3pm, I think I’ll make myself look pretty and go for a walk. The back is better, a little worse than yesterday because I was sitting so long
I hope you’re having a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong
@SadMemeQueen I’m so sorry you’ve been going through it and you 110% belong here!
@Butterflymoonwoman it’s so tough when the past sneaks into our minds. You are incredibly strong and I hope you feel better soon I have to remind myself sometimes that I am not my thoughts (which I have no control over), but my actions/what I do with those thoughts. I can’t believe how often I want to risk everything good I’ve built in my life to fall back into old ways. Sometimes I think it’s my addict voice trying to tell me I’m not good enough so that I’ll fall back into using… ok well that voice can F off!
@JazzyS and @Cjp thanks always for the encouragement I feel like whenever I come to dump here you have a way of helping me back up. I’m so grateful for you and this forum!
@Catmama23 Thank you for the reminder of i am not my thoughts. I think sometimes i get stuck in them and i have to remember that they are just that… only thoughts. Its what i do what those thoughts that count. And theres no other option than to be clean and sober and free from all toxic behaviours. Hope ur doing well friend @Mno Menno u always have such a way of calming people. What u posted to me just made me feel heard and safe and understood. I appreciate that! @misokatsu thank u for ongoing support and encouraging words i really appreciate you. Just want u to know how incredible you are @Scorpn i want to send YOU a great big hug!!! I read your post too and i was like omg how strange that both of us were thinking/feeling very similar things! By the way… ur makeup looked fabulous! It is incredible how how our minds almost get “trained” in a way with unhealthy or unrealistic thinking. But i do truly believe that if we do the opposite of what our unhealthy thinking wants us to do, that we can retrain our brains to think differently. If it can be done, it can also be undone. Thank you for relating, even though i wish you didnt have to. Know that u too are loved and cared for very much my friend
@Noshame – An eventful day can still be a good day. I am glad that you got some rest and that you have realized needing more AA in your life I do think they will be very helpful for you. Don’t sweat about tomorrow -I’m sure everything will work out fine @Butterflymoonwoman Even when we heal and move on our past can find it’s way to creep up into our thoughts. I know those are painful memories but I look at them as a gift – a reminder that I have come so far from the person I once was. That I am healthier mentally, spiritually and physically now. We can’t erase our past and really why should we – the past is the stepping stone we used to become what we are today. You are REMARKABLE today! I honestly don’t know much about sex work and not sure how one would go about shutting down these cravings. I can imagine that the line of work could be addicting as you find a way to be in control and yeah the $$ isn’t so bad. You have more strength than you give yourself credit for – Love yourself as you so freely love others – show yourself the respect you deserve and I do hope that these particular cravings go away as well. @Its_me_Stella You are amazing my friend and mastering this ODAAT. Are you able to write out your emotions so that you can give them life and deal with them? I do hope that today is a much better day for you @SadMemeQueen Oh love I am so happy to hear you are doing well and don’t apologize for the scare – I’m just happy you did come here first. Keep checking in – we are all in this journey of self-improvement together. @Alice13 HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICE – so happy to see you celebrating sober — Pizza would be my go to celebration food too – have a wonderful birthday. Yeah to day 9 @KarenKW I do hope the PT gets you back on track today. @Hesmyportion – We have all had our relapses and yes it sucks and hurts but we can’t dwell in the shame of it as that is the place that guilt grows and brings us back to our DOC. Congrats on coming back here and starting again – that is the best first step!!! Keep checking in and keep saying the sharp NO when urges strike. @Sabrina80 Oh beautiful I’m so excited for this new blooming relationship – Wherever it may lead – have fun with the present moments. And THANK YOU @Catmama23 thank you – Just keep checking in here love – That addict voice that tries to break everything good you’ve built is only stronger when you don’t reach out. We are all here for you and YES – tell that mother**er to F off!
Checking in on Monday morning — So blessed for another day sober and free of addictions. I may not be healed of everything but I do feel like I’m on the right path and do know that going backwards will never be the solution. So grateful for all of you – thank you for being on this journey with me and allowing me to just be me. I can’t stress how amazing it is to be so open (I am not this open irl) and have no judgement. Have an absolutely amazing day my sober friends – sending much love
I’m finally ready. I’ve had more day 1s than I can count, but this time (and I’ve said that before too many times) I’m ready. I’ve got my chemical dependency counselor, healthy meals planned, someone in AA I can reach out to, meetings, naltrexone when I need it. I’ve had these resources, but now I have the will. Here I go!
You DO belong here if you want recovery! If TS helps you, please stay. I don’t believe there is a single person here who doesn’t accept you. You’re a sister to me, Queen.
Feeling ok today. Did some journaling earlier, looking for spaces to rehearse for my upcoming shows, about to the gym in a bit. I’ve started drinking mate instead of alcohol when I’m out with friends and I need to find another substitute because the caffeine gives me terrible sleep and vivid dreams. I’m glad I have access to my dreams again though. I feel like whenever I’m doing something that I’m not in alignment with I’ll get a nightmare about it. Strange visitations at night to set me right
When I started becoming sober again I was afraid of doing things like this. I mean go down and sit right in front of the water. Anxiety was strong and I felt miserable.
Now I’m here, enjoying life.
So grateful
Checking in day 267! Still going strong and feeling good overall. Still stressed with work, but that’s manageable. Been doing lots of things recently that used to focus around alcohol- mostly baseball games and concerts- and loving them sober. Going to a Memorial Day party today- everyone knows I’m sober which is great for accountability, have my NA beverages of choice, and im on call for work, so I should be good to go- but checking in always gives me another layer of accountability and affirmation.
Hope everyone is staying strong and enjoying the weekend- have a magnificent sober Monday
im so happy to hear this. I hope ur day is better today 
I do think they will be very helpful for you. Don’t sweat about tomorrow -I’m sure everything will work out fine 
