Day 2
Latenight checkin just to say, that i am back home safe and sober!
Swim workout was just awesome 
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I would be good at this I have plenty of belly these days 
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I am feeling kind of all over the place today. Iām feeling a little overwhelmed by all that I need to get done and want to do. I went to a CODA meeting this morning, said no to the donuts somebody brought in. I wanted one or 5 so bad! Now that Iām getting through the no weed and relationship ending for good, i find myself wanting to binge eatā¦ this has always been a struggle in my life. Quitting weed has helped with the cravings for sure. But i find when Iām anxious or overwhelmed i want to gorge myself with sweets. Itās just another thing that i have to manage and itās hard to do it all at once. Iāve been eating pretty healthy but the sweets call my name. Iāve been exercising at least 10 minutes a day for now. The goal is 20 to 30. When i do keep up on my exercise everything seems to fall into place. There is so much that i need to fix with myselfā¦ itās overwhelmingā¦ then the cycle continuesā¦ugh. Anyway ill be adding OA mettings to the list. Today i am focusing on cleaning the house and another meeting. I also need to do a therapy assignment and exercise.
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Ah babe - this is a totally no judgement zone. you are being more hard on yourself than need be.
I do believe that whenever we try to better ourselves (eating, drinking, drugs, exercise,ā¦etc-- we will so be tested on the way. The good life is not easy to get to or obtain (with all the temptations around us) but oh is it so worth it when we do life it.
Stay strong my friend! How as the online meeting? If it was not helpful - look for others. Find one that you can connect with. I do hope you find a sponsor soon but in the mean time -we are all here for you.
Iām sending you loads of love and a big hug! Sleep well my friend but make a list of ways to keep yourself occupied when the urge hits. Again - we are all here for you with absolutely no judgement. Love remember we are all recovering from one or multiple addictions here and have gone through many replapses ourselves. Itās ODAAT for us all. I swear, I am on this site so much that my family is now teasing me - it is the one thing that is keeping me sane and addiction free.
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Ha me too, the more the merrier I say! 
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Exactly this 
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If your family has expectations of you, that is on them. You are not responsible for how they feel. Of course we want to meet the needs of the people we love, but we also have a right to our own needs.
Rather than focusing on how you feel you are falling short in the eyes of others, what is something you can focus on to make today a bit better for yourself? I hope you can find something to bring a little bit of light to the darkness 
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thank you. that whole post means a lot
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itās a new day now but when I went home from the party I went to my room closed the door and watched tv in the dark. didnāt talk to anyone or let anyone bother me and I calmed down fairly quickly. tonight Iām hanging out with a friend
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Woohooo hannabanana 
Iām off the smokes again too (month in so far) and look forward to celebrating a year, although I know it is a way off yet. I am also thinking about sugar but not quite ready yet I donāt think. Bravo to you! 
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Having been in my new place for a year now, it was definitely the right choice. I knew what baggage I would be bringing with me, but I have it in a beautiful place and that definitely helps! I think a fresh start sounds like a great idea 
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@Catmama23 Iāve been exactly where you are right now more times than I can count. Iām not judging you. Iām happy to see you jumped right back into sobriety after you fell.
Day 105.
Today Iām leaving my little seaside heaven and Iām a little sad about it. Likeā¦ this was my daily dog walk! This place is awesome.
Butā¦ Iāve grown a lot while here. Despite my ups and downs, Iāve started leaving the house every single day and procrastinating less. Nowā¦ onto the next adventure!
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I really hope that u get some time for u to just unwind. That all sounds very overwhelming and exhausting 
the binge eating got really bad for me too when I quit using as did other areas. Years ago in early early recovery, I was attending OA and CA and NA and AA and SA and doing therapy and treatment. It can be very exhausting. I tried to quit everything at once in early recovery and in some instances it made my drug cravings worse. Until i began learning new healthy coping skills, i had nothing to fall back on in the beginning, and even though food wasnt the best option, it was still better than drugs. Overtime things will fall into place for u 
Recovery is like an onion lol u work on the outside layer and when u peel that layer away, another layer reveals itself. And then we work on that layer for it to come off, and then ANOTHER layer reveals itself that we have to work on. Sometimes we just have to work on and get an handle of one thing at a time it eases the exhaustion and eases the feelings of overwhelm. Hoping ur ok 
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@Binx @Butterflymoonwoman @Amy30 @JazzyS thank you all for your guidance and reassuranceā¦ I think Iām still processing and grappling with the shame and disappointment. It was a good online zoom meeting at least and tomorrow is a new day. Each day we get a new start. Iām heartbroken actually. I still feel not great today physically. One day at a time. Probably just need another good nights sleep. Thanks again for pulling me back from the ledge, it helps to hear that Iām not alone and Iām not broken. Virtual hugs and goodnight all. 
(yes itās only 6 pm here but Iām looking forward to getting into bed soon 
)
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4 weeks sober is great!! Way to go!!!
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On day 82 alcohol free. Just trying to take the doctor stuff in stride. Walked jacksonā¦about to read and have a coffee. Next week got mriā¦stress test and monitor hook up
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The campfireā¦such a great human experience. Great you and your son could experience it together during your outing.
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Exactly! I know Iāll be bringing myself and all of my traumas but at least Iāll be surrounded by beauty. One of my favorite pictures, I can imagine being on this trail someday and it makes my heart want to burst 
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@Amy30 Oh my - that is heaven. Glad you were able to start your healing process here. Wishing you the best in your next adventure
@mewmcmew I can totally understand wanting to clutch onto something else to fill in the space of our addictions. Ending a relationship at the same time as trying to quit an addiction is a lot for the body / mind to process. It can be done!! I am also finding that I have been leaning towards sweets more since I gave up alcohol / weed. Funny, I didnāt find turn to food when I quit cigs. We are on a journey for self improvement. I think @Butterflymoonwoman said it best ā¦
@Markjackson way to go Mark -82 days af Wishing you the best of luck with your medical tests. Hope everything is ok.
129 days alcohol and weed free
544 cigarette free
Much better today. Got some sleep last night and my pain level is manageable today. Didnāt have many urges today (huh - could get used to this).
Have a wonderful night my sober friends
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