day 219 AF
Back to work after a 5 day weekend thanks to rain and a day to remember our fallen.
Not much to report just trucking along as usual, no hiccups to report other than the odd thought about picking up sneaking in here and there. Nothing I cant deal with.
Even if you relapse they say keep coming back, even if its back to this forum, keep ya chin up its hard out here playing the game of life.
Day 55,
Iām on the up now. Allergies have lessened, listened to my body when it asked me to rest, I did a prayerful journaling session today modeled after this beautiful loving-kindness meditation I did last week, I forgot to buy new bedsheets for myself! Iāll do it tomorrow.
Today, I was woken up by my neighbor upstairs who was banging on the floor and yelling ābaby!ā I had never met this neighbor before and he had never met me but for some reason I thought he was calling for me. I thought I couldnāt be that important and chalked up his behavior to him being strange so I didnāt pay it any attention and I went back to sleep. When I woke up 4 hours later, he was still banging on the floor and yelling ābaby!ā so I decided to go upstairs to see what was happening. I found him on the floor and unable to get up. He was very advanced in age and his feet were stubs through a combination of arthritis and diabetes. He was in fact yelling for me to come up and help him for the past 4 hours. I couldnāt believe this elderly man was living by himself, barely able to move around in his cramped apartment. He had no landline or cell phone and after I got him in his chair he just seemed like he was happy to have someone in his apartment. There is also an elderly woman who lives by herself two floors up. Sheās always slowly lugging groceries up and down the stairs and whenever I offer to help her, she waves me off. Last week she came to our door and talked our ear off but she was hilarious and so sweet. It also seems like sheās lonely up there by herself.
The kinds of people Iām attracting to me are of a different caliber now. No chaos, no gamesājust curiosity, good intentions, and even better love. The only times (2) Iāve felt chaotic and off balance were the times I crossed my own boundaries. The people who come into my life trying to cause chaos donāt know how to get a rise out of me and they look foolish. People who are selfish, thrill seeking, indecisive, bad communicators, and have weak boundaries donāt even look my way because I look boring to them. Iām no longer a crazy maker and people feel a sense of calm in my presence.
Day 101.
Today was a good day, I had to go for a looong walk to the one place in town that sells wrist braces (I use them for my carpal tunnel, misplaced my last pair). For some reason, they donāt do them in pharmacies or sports shops. God, I miss Boots and amazon. Mostly amazon.
Anyway, on the walk back I was hit by a crazy anxiety attack. Anxiety sucks.
On the bright side, today was my 4th day in a row when I reached my min. 10,000 steps goal. And I started tracking my food intake as well and lowering my sugar intake. It just feels like the natural next step after getting sober.
Day 53 AF and Day 27 smoke free. The quitting smoking still bugging me more than the alcohol free element which is natural I think but the demons are pulling at me hard on the smoking side thinking I can get away with just smoking again. Trying to rise above it but holidays soon and my willpower might melt.
An unintended consequence is a lack of focus on th fact that Iām almost two months booze free which is so freeing. No blackouts, no chipped teeth, no embarrassing horror stories.
Huge congratulations mr D, yeah AA was not for me until it was. Well done 
Afternoon Checking in
Day 436
Day has been really good! Very productive 
I got my son on the bus for school and then took transit to finally pay off my sons dental bill. On the way there I was doing my daily readings and my prayer routine. I sometimes like to do guided prayers off of this app i have installed and today one of the prompts was, āBring your concerns to Godā. And so I sat there thinkingā¦ thinkingā¦ and realized that just for today I actually dont have any concerns to bring forth. Likeā¦ what?! 
lol I felt unusually at peace and just overall content. Its such a strange feeling for me to NOT have concerns, or irritability or anxiety, worries, or fears. So i just tried to enjoy the moment and bask in the calmness lol 
I finished my running around, bought a few gifts for my sons bday coming up in June (I know its early but I had the extra funds this pay and next month will be tighter financially), came home, exercised for an hour, did some tidying up, and picked up my son from the bus. He had a good day at school so that makes me happy.
Just relaxing now before supper. Sloppy Joes and chips are on the agenda for tonights supper 
Just grateful for many things in my life today, especially God and my recovery. Husg TS fam! Hope everyone is having an addiction free day
Day 108. Starting physical therapy tomorrow for my neck. I hope it helps. Itās totally free since I work for the company. Been fairly grumpy today. Just trying to accept that and move through it.
@Englishd Congratulations! 
@Catmama23 Thanks for reminding me of the wolf story. I needed to hear that about my resentful self-pity wolf, which is getting a feast lately.
@mx_elle Keep going!
@liminal.rehab It is great when we can start helping people 
. Not wallowing in our our dispair and anger.
Day 78. Walkedā¦it always helps me feel better.
Day 12 no marijuana
Day 172 no alcohol
Just going with the flow of things and keeping relaxed
Evening checkin day 77.
My sponsor came over to the house this evening and we played some billiards and talked. I wanted to say shot some pool but didnāt know if everyone called it that everywhere. 
Now I am playing my guitar a little before ai get ready to goto bed and read.
It has been a beautiful day here today and a niece cool evening.
All in all a pretty good sober day.
Good evening friends, finishing up a successful day 892. Work is workyā¦ Life is pretty routine. Getting ready to head out for a big trip with Linda. Iāll be surrounded by unlimited bad ideas, but also plenty of good ones. Iām not interested in feeling like garbage any more, so the choices are easy ones.
Have an awesome evening!
Day 25. Ate a healthy dinner and now Iām fasting 'till 10AM tomorrow. Drinking some iced herbal tea until bed. 
Your doing pretty good with the weed too now, well done
Congrats on 100 days!! 
Huge congratulations on entering the triple digits!!
tonight will be day 420 of no self harm
not doing good. Iām sick of being sick and miserable. i slept 12 and a half hours and Iām still exhausted. this gallbladder is driving me insane. it hurts so bad all the time. my surgery consult isnāt until may 2nd and chances are they wonāt even remove the gallbladder. and even if they do surgery will probably be scheduled months out.
Iām really reaching my breaking point here. Iāve been sick for nearly 3 weeks now. itās miserable
i canāt imagine myself not self harming tonight. but Iāve been surprised before.
Congrats on 420 days!
Im sorry you are not feeling good and that you are not getting the help you need now. Hopefully they will be able to do something about the pain /discomfort. Can you reach out for pain management from your primary doctor?
Heres to staying strong and not turning to self harm for release. Odaat!!!
