I’m on the up now. Allergies have lessened, listened to my body when it asked me to rest, I did a prayerful journaling session today modeled after this beautiful loving-kindness meditation I did last week, I forgot to buy new bedsheets for myself! I’ll do it tomorrow.
Today, I was woken up by my neighbor upstairs who was banging on the floor and yelling “baby!” I had never met this neighbor before and he had never met me but for some reason I thought he was calling for me. I thought I couldn’t be that important and chalked up his behavior to him being strange so I didn’t pay it any attention and I went back to sleep. When I woke up 4 hours later, he was still banging on the floor and yelling “baby!” so I decided to go upstairs to see what was happening. I found him on the floor and unable to get up. He was very advanced in age and his feet were stubs through a combination of arthritis and diabetes. He was in fact yelling for me to come up and help him for the past 4 hours. I couldn’t believe this elderly man was living by himself, barely able to move around in his cramped apartment. He had no landline or cell phone and after I got him in his chair he just seemed like he was happy to have someone in his apartment. There is also an elderly woman who lives by herself two floors up. She’s always slowly lugging groceries up and down the stairs and whenever I offer to help her, she waves me off. Last week she came to our door and talked our ear off but she was hilarious and so sweet. It also seems like she’s lonely up there by herself.
The kinds of people I’m attracting to me are of a different caliber now. No chaos, no games—just curiosity, good intentions, and even better love. The only times (2) I’ve felt chaotic and off balance were the times I crossed my own boundaries. The people who come into my life trying to cause chaos don’t know how to get a rise out of me and they look foolish. People who are selfish, thrill seeking, indecisive, bad communicators, and have weak boundaries don’t even look my way because I look boring to them. I’m no longer a crazy maker and people feel a sense of calm in my presence.
Today was a good day, I had to go for a looong walk to the one place in town that sells wrist braces (I use them for my carpal tunnel, misplaced my last pair). For some reason, they don’t do them in pharmacies or sports shops. God, I miss Boots and amazon. Mostly amazon.
Anyway, on the walk back I was hit by a crazy anxiety attack. Anxiety sucks.
On the bright side, today was my 4th day in a row when I reached my min. 10,000 steps goal. And I started tracking my food intake as well and lowering my sugar intake. It just feels like the natural next step after getting sober.
Day 53 AF and Day 27 smoke free. The quitting smoking still bugging me more than the alcohol free element which is natural I think but the demons are pulling at me hard on the smoking side thinking I can get away with just smoking again. Trying to rise above it but holidays soon and my willpower might melt.
An unintended consequence is a lack of focus on th fact that I’m almost two months booze free which is so freeing. No blackouts, no chipped teeth, no embarrassing horror stories.
Afternoon Checking in Day 436
Day has been really good! Very productive I got my son on the bus for school and then took transit to finally pay off my sons dental bill. On the way there I was doing my daily readings and my prayer routine. I sometimes like to do guided prayers off of this app i have installed and today one of the prompts was, “Bring your concerns to God”. And so I sat there thinking… thinking… and realized that just for today I actually dont have any concerns to bring forth. Like… what?! lol I felt unusually at peace and just overall content. Its such a strange feeling for me to NOT have concerns, or irritability or anxiety, worries, or fears. So i just tried to enjoy the moment and bask in the calmness lol
I finished my running around, bought a few gifts for my sons bday coming up in June (I know its early but I had the extra funds this pay and next month will be tighter financially), came home, exercised for an hour, did some tidying up, and picked up my son from the bus. He had a good day at school so that makes me happy.
Just relaxing now before supper. Sloppy Joes and chips are on the agenda for tonights supper Just grateful for many things in my life today, especially God and my recovery. Husg TS fam! Hope everyone is having an addiction free day
Day 108. Starting physical therapy tomorrow for my neck. I hope it helps. It’s totally free since I work for the company. Been fairly grumpy today. Just trying to accept that and move through it.
My sponsor came over to the house this evening and we played some billiards and talked. I wanted to say shot some pool but didn’t know if everyone called it that everywhere.
Now I am playing my guitar a little before ai get ready to goto bed and read.
It has been a beautiful day here today and a niece cool evening.
not doing good. I’m sick of being sick and miserable. i slept 12 and a half hours and I’m still exhausted. this gallbladder is driving me insane. it hurts so bad all the time. my surgery consult isn’t until may 2nd and chances are they won’t even remove the gallbladder. and even if they do surgery will probably be scheduled months out.
I’m really reaching my breaking point here. I’ve been sick for nearly 3 weeks now. it’s miserable
Congrats on 420 days!
Im sorry you are not feeling good and that you are not getting the help you need now. Hopefully they will be able to do something about the pain /discomfort. Can you reach out for pain management from your primary doctor?
Heres to staying strong and not turning to self harm for release. Odaat!!!
I got my son on the bus for school and then took transit to finally pay off my sons dental bill. On the way there I was doing my daily readings and my prayer routine. I sometimes like to do guided prayers off of this app i have installed and today one of the prompts was, “Bring your concerns to God”. And so I sat there thinking… thinking… and realized that just for today I actually dont have any concerns to bring forth. Like… what?! 
lol I felt unusually at peace and just overall content. Its such a strange feeling for me to NOT have concerns, or irritability or anxiety, worries, or fears. So i just tried to enjoy the moment and bask in the calmness lol 
Just grateful for many things in my life today, especially God and my recovery. Husg TS fam! Hope everyone is having an addiction free day
. Not wallowing in our our dispair and anger.
