he dismisses my pain so much I haven’t bothered. i might make a call tomorrow
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Oh love thats awful! I recently had to change doctors for similar reasons. Seriously, some folks really should find a different profession. 
Are you able to switch primary doctors? Wishing you luck with getting the aid you need.
Sending healing vibes 
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Checking in with 56 days AF. Again a bit of a blah day. Played some golf, got no chores done, but got to watch my Cubbies game 
No beer (or peanuts).
Early spin class tomorrow, followed by a hike. And an HOA meeting to defend landscaping updates we want to do (so many frickin’ rules!) So, g’night!
Take care all.
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1418
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Not feeling very rested but it’ll make do. Off I go to work another day. One day at a time. X
@SadMemeQueen Sending cautious soft hugs Megan
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i could its just such a hassle it doesn’t feel worth it
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hey all I’m okay, on the phone with a friend I’m safe
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Can you call the 988 number or text them?
Please do not self harm. That just hurts you and you are hurting enough as it is. If you can not stand it and you want to hurt yourself more then call 911 or otherwise get to the ER. I am sorry you are hurting so much. Glad you are here and posting.
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I’m on the phone with a friend now so I’m ok. i try to avoid calling hotlines. there’s a risk of inpatient and I can’t afford that
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Day 
So what I did not mentioned yesterday, on the road to my friend and then other city to pick up my fixed car I jumped to Church. I needed confession and that humility.
I do believe that a person can have connection with God / Higher Power / Source / Something bigger that our brains are unable to digest - you can reach that connection in various ways, and there is different practices.
But one of them is humility, and keeping that ego down. Very often, in different practices, they work, but there is danger for ego to go up like a Trojan Horse and again we get into trouble.
I practiced Budhism in my past, studied Kundalini energy and had very strong experiences. I was on constant search all my life. I always seeked Truth. There is almost corelation between growing and having hard time and getting strong challenges. I got ilness. 4 years of constant Panic Attacks, depression. It was one of the hardest times… but I already speaked here about it before.
With God’s help I came back from that ilness and even runned my first half marathon. Then after about year of those events, one day on Halloween 23:30 I was stabbed with big kitchen knife to my shoulder, 5 milimeters from sleep artery by my drunk alcoholic father. I almost died. That was exact day when I truly felt the Love of GOD.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
I felt like I waked up from the dream and Life was different since then. Every day is a gift now. My virtues and how I interact with other people changed forever.
I then asked, why I am still alive? And years later met my wife who works at Church. Life changed dramatically. Alcoholic, punk friends, underground, parties were left, behind, I met a lot of interesting people, Priests, Nuns and very bright personalities.
But then I lost it again. That was not perfect relationship with my Wife and finally we divorced. On the final days of marriage I was about to leave house to live alone. Got terribly drunk and then smached glass doors with my fist and got that arm injury.
I still feel that I met my wife on purpose and she gave me a lot. So this saturday I was about to go to other city to finally speak with her after many years about our Church Marriage and where it goes from now, but then as I mentioned yesterday- my car got broken…
I was like “Ok… I can’t go right now”… Maybe all this needs more time…
And yesterday I went for confession. I really feel like where I am right now is something that is written as Step 6 in 12 Steps.
I was always afraid of those steps, after Panic Attacks and Depersonalizatiom that is pretty terrifying expirience caused by constant panic attacks I am really afraid of totally loosing control and Some steps always gaved me anxiety.
We grow with time. Evolve. I never forget as one Priest once told me: "Why are you afraid? It means your believe is lacking, not strong enough. Truly faithful person has nothing to be afraid. He knows he is with God. He accepts His Will. He knows he is where he needs to be… as it needs… How it need. He is with God. There is nothing to be afraid of. "
Eventually, all the insecurities and whats not real peals away. There is nothing to be afraid…
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Congratulations! I remember You also struggled a lot in the past and now because of those struggles You become more of inspiration. You show example of that it is possible to overcome inner darkness… even for those who are loosing Hope.
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Huge congratulations 
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Congratulations @Englishd! 
@Marcio well done for the triple digits 
And 200 days for you is awesome @KevinesKay 
#Day 1681 
Worked yesterday and walked towards a friend to eat sushi. It was a long walk because my body and mind where tired because of work.
Tomorrow there is a big festival in our city because we have our traditional Kingsday.
Not going to it because I have another appointment. But walked by it and it looks cool!
Today? Work and tonight a visit from my two eldest kids.
5 nights to go before holiday
Feeling tired, but good. Hope you do too!
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14 days
Yeah… Made it to be sober yesterday.
Will stay sober today.
Checking in to be sober from:
- alcohol
- toxic relationships
- eating drama
Much love 
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Love this and isn’t it the truth!
Congratulations on your 2000! It’s hard to imagine you where you were and so great to see you where you are!
And continuing to go forward.
Thanks for helping lead the way for so many.
Happy sobriety, happy spring and summer ( and on ). Hope you’ll be getting some good hiking in.
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Day 17 checking odaat was at a AA step meeting last night which I enjoyed my chest infection is slowing getting better I hope everyone has a good sober day
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2,000 days is pretty fucking awesome!
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Wowza this is huge congrats 
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Day . 5
It’s a rainy day and there is not really much of a work today. More standing by and waiting for cargo to load.
So again got opportunity to get away from truck and walk around a little bit. Just being in nature is so relaxing to me. Watched this river going for a while and found peace 
And it is indeed worth mentioning and I am doing second check-in right now!
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Hi…im awake…so just figured id report today makes 79 days. Odaat
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