Day 2133 and its my birthday. 
Stroopwafels for everyoneā:smiley:
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Checking in day 4ā¦ the weekdays are fine for meā¦its the weekends where I end up misusing drugs and alcoholā¦ i dont feel too nervous about this weekend as weāve planned a lot of other activities. The last time I tried to stay sober I made 39 days. Im really nervous about when my partner will want to get wrecked again (he doesnt think we have a problem) ā¦nervous that I will want to do it with him. He knows that Iāve been wanting to stop for a long timeā¦ if anyone has been in a similar sitution it would be great to hear from you. My biggest fear is that this will ultimately end our relationship. We have been together 12 years and hes still my best friend. My biggest hope is that I will get staying sober right and he will follow, or at least massively cut back on the weekend binges.
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Nog vele jaren Lola! En dankje voor de stroopwafel x
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Hang in there and remember that only you can make your own choice to stay sober. Keep coming here when youāre having urges and make a solid plan for your time and activities this weekend. Check out this thread:
And use the search bar because there are lots of threads on this.
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Congrats on making it to day 4 Marc. Thatās a tough spot to be in. Wishing you all success in your sober journey. 
I second Rosaās advice.
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Thanks ā¦ will do
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13 days AF. I am suffocating under this depression. Iām tired of having to be negative in my posts but thatās just my reality. I wake up and feel tired. I feel lonely and disconnected yes even when surrounded by people in a meeting. I donāt feel engaged or interested in anything. I feel gross in my body - my skin and hair feel oily, I feel ugly, like I want to get out of my skin. I am longing for mental obliteration but I know I canāt have it. I canāt concentrate. Food tastes gross. I think about the string of days ahead of me and Iām immediately overwhelmed and sad. I feel like everything inside of me is crumbling. I donāt know if I can stay sober feeling like this. Itās awful. Iām sorry again to be negative. I read these posts that sound so hopeful and happy and folks with long sobriety and it feels utterly foreign and impossible. Iām stuck on all my work projects and not making progress and worried Iām going to get fired. Iām too alone, too unhappy, this is why I was drinking. I think it canāt get worse, and then thereās a new emotional low.
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If you ask me this is only the half truth. If that. The other way around is true as well: youāre alone and unhappy because you drink. Drinking isolates. Drinking might give temporary reprieve from our woes, but in the end it makes everything worse. So much so that in the end we see no escape but to drink ever more until we end up dead or institutionalized.
In recovery we have to go and look for the opposite of isolation which is connection. Which is extremely hard to do when weāre seriously depressed. Which by the look of it you are. Depression is made worse by alcohol (ab)use. Please donāt fall for the lies alcohol tells you. Try and treat your depression. Talk to a professional about it. Get help. Donāt go back to stupid alcohol! Big big hugs friend. Youāre not alone 
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Thank you very much @JazzyS I will definitely check out those resources 
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Why do I get the feeling that, this time, youāre just going to take this stretch all the way home!
Congratulations on surpassing 30 days.
Sorry I missed it. You are awesome!
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We missed you too. Glad to see you again
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Checking in. Day 216
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You may not recognize it in this moment but youāre being incredibly strong through this pain. People donāt get acknowledged enough in society for just how hard it is and how strong we have to be to function with mental health and substance use issues. You have strung lots of days together and youāre doing the damn thing! Iām proud of you for not picking up when things are so damn hard and things feel on the hopeless side of the street. We are here to bolster you and offer the hope because we know itās the truth. You can get past this. Use whatever energy you can summon up to explore your options for help. It can start with a trip to your general doctor to tell them what is up and they can start the process with you. If youāre in the USA you can look at resources, information and support through some of these links:
Mental Health America mhanational.org
National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI.org
Sending you light and love, amiga. You can get through this without numbing yourself through alcohol, which will only start the process all over again and make things worse.
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Checking in 408 days.
Keeping up with my health, working, feeling pretty flat though. My son has had a rough week at school and I had the opportunity for working overtime the last few weeks and I am feeling a bit burnt out now. Ready for the weekend, thank god itās Friday.
Have a wonderful day everyone 
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Hello! Thank you for the welcomeās
Today was a good day. Had regular meals. Still relatively new to me but giving it an honest shot. Went for a run, didnāt beat myself for running fast enough or long enough. Just trying to work on the self critical thoughts. I mean thoughts about skipping meals and wanting to exercise ābetterā will probably always be there but I am trying to meet those thoughts with compassion and not react too much on themā¦
Had therapy today too and we were working through some thought patterns I have. Todayās session was easier than last weeks when we were talking about body image. Today we were talking about work and my perfectionism. Good go have some easy ones in the mix as well 
Anyway, some light anxiety today but in general it was a nice day. Nothing major, but still good. Learning to embrace the āboringā.
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Evening day 5. Feeling really sick. Iāll fix some comfort food and go to bed early. No energy.
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@Lola happy birthday! 
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@Soberbilly I appreciate your concern š©µ Iām sorry you were traumatised too, but very glad you got the help you needed and are now free 
@Catmama23 congrats on getting a sponsor 
have you spoken to professionals about your mental health? Sending strength š©µ
@JazzyS thank you š©µ my regular GP would refer me in a heartbeat for EMDR if he could, but the referral has to come from a mental health specialist, but when I had my assessment she said that EMDR was for patients with a single trauma, and that Iād needed something different. Iāve checked my calender and realised it was Weds/Thurs last week that I was supposed to hear something, so Iāll be making a call tomorrow. Unfortunately I donāt have the affordability for private therapy. I am still on the waiting list for therapy with a charity for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their waiting list is 3 years, and Iām coming up to that in a couple of months, so Iām hoping I can start that this year 
@Twizzlers thank you š©µ:people_hugging: I will check out The Listening Place tomorrow, I havenāt heard of it before so thank you
@Sabrina80 Oh no! Bless you I hope youāre feeling better by now š©µ
@AlexWayhill thank you š©µ those are some cute cats 
@GenG congrats on 40 days
@Rockstar24777 hoping your doctor can help and that you get some relief soon from the SI. Right there with you friend sending strength š©µ
@anon53116147 that really sucks man, Iām sorry I hope the other resources come through
@anon74766472 that does sound like an interesting podcast good luck with your exam results
1004 days no alcohol.
469 days no cocaine.
91 days no vape.
I managed to wake up early, too early really but I felt rested enough and Iāve managed to have a nap this evening to make up for it. I did my morning routine, then finished the remaining cleanings tasks prior to the estate agent inspection. I wasnāt completely satisfied with how the lounge carpet looked, I think next time I will use my pet hair attachment to see if it does a better job, I forgot I had it until it was too late.
After the inspection lady had been, I went for my morning walk, then I drove to my hometown to collect meds, and got my hair cut whilst I was there.
I still havenāt heard anything from the mental health team. Iāve just checked my calender and it was LAST Weds or Thurs that I was supposed to hear back, not this week, so now I will call the number Iāve got tomorrow, to try to find out whatās going on.
š©µ
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I see you liked this @CATMANCAM and I kept forgetting to post a reply to you, my apologies. This post is for you, too, my friend. You have been on my mind and I appreciate all you do here on this thread and how vulnerable you are in sharing.
Same with you @Catmama23 - you mentioned being sorry for ānegativeā posts, there is no need to apologize. That is why we are here! Comparison is the thief of joy. We cannot compare our suffering to anotherās but we can acknowledge our shared experiences and hold each other up, be held up by others when we need and do the same for others when we can.
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