Big hugs 
.
Have you told your therapist your feeling like this ?
Maybe some meds or med adjustments can help with these feelings.
Thinking of you 
@AyBee 4 years is huge so a big congrats 
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Checking in - feeling better this morning, phew! Not much rest and still weak and in some pain, but I woke up ravenous and am eating my first real meal since Sunday. Glad I had the energy (or at least the hunger motivation) to make myself something healthy. Itās going to be a beautiful day here so I hope to get some time relaxing in the hammock instead of my bed today. Hang in there, amigx, weāre all here together. 
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Twizzle and Billy already mentioned everythingā¦
Just want to add:
You are not alone
You are loved
You matter
You belong
We are here for you!
Seriously!
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Good morning all. Just checking in. Having a pretty nice day so far. Pulled myself out of bed a Lil earlier today then I have been lately and made some time to meditate and practice piano. Overall I feel pretty okay today I hope you all are doing well too
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,060. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Hey beautiful soul - im so sorry that you have continued stuggles. Please know you are si very much loved and appreciated. I do hope that you are able to get in a session with your therapist asap and hopefully get the proper medication.
Food is an addiction but it is also something you need around to survive so its not like you can rid your house of all food and begin recovery. This is one of the hardest addictions imo because more than alcohol food is all around us and a essential for survival. I can feel your struggle and wish i could ease the burden. Are you able to go to any meetings?
Sending you love and support. As @Soberbilly you need to take action. It will get better but you need to work at it. You are so worth it! 
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Im glad that even with all that your mind is throwing your way you are staying positive. You are correct- keep working on yourself and everything will get better. It may not be easy and we still have bumps /boulders in the road but we get stronger with our sobriety and are better equipped to handle them. Youve got a lively spirit in you that needs to shine. Let out a cry when you need to, scream ifvthat helps and ignore those thoughts that are going to cause you harm or cause you to go backwards.
Best of luck on your job interview 
Wishing you a beautiful sober day my friend
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@AyBee Congrats on 4 years of freedom! I so appreciate you.
@Catmama23 I resonate with every damn thing you posted on. I have felt disconnected spiritual for decades. I found help in getting spiritually connected again through AA and Recovery Dharma. In fact, these programs are helping me to unlearn a lot of the religion I was fed growing up, which let to me feeling unworthy most of my life. Hang in there. This whole sobriety/recovery deal is a journey with lots of delayed gratification. Itās worth it.
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3 days sober from alcohol, 5 days sober from active ED behaviors. I had a wonderful day out with my baby yesterday at the movies. I ate popcorn, and didnt drink 
we can recover, I am commited to living a happy healing life
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Good morning. Checking in at 3 weeks. Being young in recovery but 20 years in a pool of alcohol I can relate to all on here but what stands out is all the support that all feel in here on the good days and the not so good. In 20 minutes of being on here you see the ups and downs between the hope at 1 day AF and joy at 4 yearsā¦but what matters is that there is always a sober family that will everyday try to remind u just one more day. Congrats to all on their anniversary and to those not feeling so hot keep your head up remember you made it this far and you have a family here! Letās stay sober!
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Congratulations on your 4 years AyBee.
Thatās a beautiful thing.
Thanks for being here and keeping us all on our toes.
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Congratulations on 3 weeks! 
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Hugs and thanks to everyone who reached out about my post yesterday - @RosaCanDo @Butterflymoonwoman @Cjp @JazzyS @Mno @CATMANCAM @LeeHawk and @Its_me_Stella - I really appreciate that perspective change on the parts of us that learned unhealthy coping. Not to judge them but appreciate they are misguided ways to save/protect ourselves. All of your words have been fortifying and helped bring into focus the light at the end of the tunnel.
Right now Iām focusing on ODAAT and not drinking until this depression bout passes. Itās like a thundercloud in my brain. Waiting until it floats by and the sun comes out. 
wishing everyone a sober day with minimal pain and peaceā¦ 
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Day 70,
Feeling great today! didnāt sleep well today but that hasnāt stopped me. Iāve taken a step back from my career while Iāve been going deeper into sobriety but today I want to take a moment to be happy about the fact that even though I had to take a break from work, my career is still going places. Iāve been invited to perform at one the biggest art festivals in Europe in August and in September, Iāve been asked to present at another festival. I start developing and rehearsing in July after my research period ends and Iām so ready to throw myself back into my work!
Hope you all are well and sober,
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Day 221
Work day done, now me-time 
Iām struggling with food at the moment. I see myself eating more of the stuff I shouldnāt eat. And the results of that come fast, my belly size is already up by 3-4cm again.
I know what to do but itās not easy. But there is no other way than doing it, staying focused and learn again to say No if someone offers me chocolate or cake or whatever.
Itās raining here, again or still I donāt know. Everytime when Iām out itās wet. Meh.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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@bowlingly lovely smiles and so much to live for! Love your commitment
@mx_elle Your post made my morning today. So lovely to hear about all the positivity you are feeling. You are doing fantastic my friend. Keep at it and you will rid yourself of the weed too. Donāt worry about your avatar ā youāll find one that just speaks to you! In the meantime ā try out all the others that come your way. Iām having fun watching them change ( 
)
@charlie_c wow- absolutely breathtaking. Glad you are enjoying the cruise. I found cruises to be the most relaxing vaca as I didnāt have to plan anything at all while on the boat and had no access to the real world. Got to totally let go.
@liminal.rehab So happy to hear that you are able to step back from your career to focus on yourself and at the same time still have your career take off. What is it that you do? Love that you will be performing at the upcoming art festival ā what will you be performing? Sorry ā if you have mentioned this earlier.
Afternoon check in
140 Days alcohol and weed free
555 Smoke free
Think I overdid it with the coffee today. Starting to get a caffeine headache. Will guzzle some water now to help tame the throbbing. I did get some rest last night and woke up to some energy but that is again fizzling out. This is driving me crazy but not yet insane. I know my body is healing and it has been through a lot so I have to keep reminding myself to be more understanding. No urges yet today so i am blessed. Taking in my deep breathes and moving with ease
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Day three checking in. Thanks to everyone who shares on hereā¦being at the start of this journey that Ive failed at so many times in the past, it really gives me hope to read about the successes and a sense of shared humanity when I read posts about things not being so great. Thanks again everyone.
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No worries, I havenāt mentioned haha 
Iām a choreographer and multimedia artist. I used to dance for other choreographers but now Iām in a place in my career where I donāt have to (or want to).
When Iām working, Iām usually very busy and a big chunk of that is touring. This time last year I was preparing for a tour to DARK MOFO Festival in Australiaā>Los Angelesā>Mexico Cityā>New Yorkā>Amsterdamā>Vienna and it wore me out. Since then I took down my website and went full hermit mode. I only did two shows earlier this year and I dropped out of another one because of professional differences with the director (weāre still good friends tho).
To be honest the lifestyle was really fueling my drinking because I was always jet lagged, in rehearsal, networking at art event, and having to direct and respond to a million different things. Here are some pictures from my performances.
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Yo. Been a while! I have not been completely sober this whole time away but havenāt really picked up where I left off before either. Going to therapy once a week. Working on self-compassion. Still struggling with isolating myself. Eating and body dysmorphia have been wack but we have slowly started exposure to those self-critical thoughts connected to my eating disorder. Feels weird to refer to it as eating disorder, I so much wanted it to be a thing I struggled with as a teen but I guess I never really āgot over itā. anyway, all in all, I am doing quite well. Missed you guys.
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