Did a long bike ride yesterday, now feeling my body but not in a bad way, skin glowing, a little bit of soreness. Enjoyed eating out with sis after. Not doing too much today, hoping to pick up the painting I bought some time ago from the artist’s workshop. And find a place on the wall for it.
I’m dreaming loads lately, no pleasant dreams too, involving family and lots of deaths. I guess it’s where I am right now in my therapeutic process, processing what happened after 45 years of trying to ignore it. It’s neither easy or pleasant, but it’s needed to free myself from living in the past. To become a better version of myself. Onwards and upwards. One day at a time.
@Sunny11 HUGE congrats on reaching quadruple digits Sunny! @Amy30 Four months is awesome Amy. We keep going. Big big congrats. Never going back lady. @Starlight14 Happy Birthday Kelly! Enjoy your day X @Alycia Thanks for sharing Alycia. I hope it helps you. I’m pretty sure it does. Stay connected. Never going back. Good times and lesser ones.
We’re in this together friends. Sharing our roads and thus travelling together. X
Since yesterday my back constantly reminds me that I’m sitting too much and move too little.
I can do everything except sitting, that hurts.
So I started training again yesterday. I had a pretty long break but it seems I didn’t lose as much muscle as I thought.
Today the plan is to do back training before breakfast, then laundry and while that stuff is getting clean I’ll walk some km near river rhine, the weather is beautiful.
There is a turkish grocery store that’s open on sundays (usually everything is closed sundays here), I’ll have a look at that. And then walk home through the city.
I had a dream about taking pictures last night hehe, okay this is new: about photographing tiny objects. Well, as some of you may know, I believe in signs. This was one, I’ll try it.
Checking in on day 2 because I haven’t checked in regularly before now and I’m going to try and do anything that I can different this time to make sobriety stick.
Yesterday was tough. I’d promised to help a friend build a patio so I had to do that whilst sobering up. Previously I would have cried it off and stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself. Instead I rode the nausea whilst shovelling hardcore and hammer drilling. I got to talk to him about my problem whilst doing it. That helped, he’s the only person outside my family and support groups who knows. That’s a new step for me.
Heading to the doctors to get some tests done this week as it’s probably time I faced up to any damage I’ve done over the years. That’s new too.
I woke up this morning so sad and lonely. Took some time to listen to beautiful music and sing. Talked to my best friend who I realize I’ve loved romantically for a long time and now that attraction is dying down. I feel relief.
I realize I’ve been holding onto an intense conversation I had yesterday with someone who just randomly appeared in my life after almost 6 years. I just happened to be browsing on Grindr and they sent me a message. I knew them from when we both lived in New York and now they’re staying at a hostel in my neighborhood in Berlin. They said they had a lot to tell me so invited them over for a conversation. Apparently I was one of the reasons they came to Berlin and I think they were looking for advice and direction. I didn’t have much contact with this person in New York as we had different friend groups but we would run into each other at parties our mutual friends would throw. Very intelligent and highly creative person with a fierce independent streak. They confided some really deep and dark stuff with me said that if they didn’t figure it out they take their own life. I gave the best advice I could and told them to keep in touch. I hope they find the direction they need.
Anyways, I’m going to join a friend who is selling some things at the flea market.
So…
I had a glass of wine at a family function 2 days ago. Feels kinda silly losing 60 odd days of sobriety but I did choose to do it so no one else to blame.
Congrats on your 4 months! You are doing a great job.
I know my mind is still waiting for me to relax so that it can softly suggest that i let loose with a drink. Im not sure if this ever goes away🤔 its best to always be aware that we are better without our doc and we are forever in recovery. Hope you do something special for you today.
Happy 43rd birthday beautiful! Have fun celebrating sober- so exhilarating- a great way to bring in a new year of you.
PS…i cant dance this well so had to use the gif
Sending you a hug this morning my friend
Im sorry you woke up feeling the way you did but what a lovely way to to get out of your funk- listen tobsome beautiful music and sing!! I do hope that tgis along with going to visit your friend at flee Market have helped lift your mood
It funny how we touch peoples lives along our own journey without realizing the true impact.
Obviously you are someone this person felt a connection with. In my opinion its not cool to show up out of the blue and hit someone with so much dark stuff. Its hard enough getting dumped on with emotional stuff from our close friends/family but so much more so when from an old acquaintance. You handled it so well - listened, gave out advise and said you were available if needed. I do wish your friend well but do want to make sure you don’t drain yourself emotionally. Protect your precious sobriety.
Made it, training and 5,2 km walk done
I took only one picture for the cloud watching thread, forgot to take more
I had a nice encounter with a robin that landed directly in front of me on the way, looked at me like “wtf are you walking here?”, then it flew to a branch of a tree near me and kept on staring at me
Now some resting, shower and then cleaning the apartment.
thanks so much lovely Jasmine 
