I know little about roses, other than how pretty they are. But aren’t tea roses the tiny ones? These blooms were all “full size”.
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Both. Been seeing a therapist for 3 weeks now, and on Albulterol for copd. BTW, loved the Lonely Island GIF.
@AyBee Four years is fantastic! (Sorry for the belated shoutout).
@Sunny11 Congratulations for 1000 days!
@CATMANCAM Thank you; I’m trying to find resources for camping/hiking with breathing disorders. Must be something out there…
Brian came by for the usual Saturday meeting, which relieved some boredom. Sundays are usually worse. But I bumped into some old/ex friends. They are both sober, live in walking distance. However, we all stopped talking to each other because they owe me money they don’t want to pay back. I think I should just forget about the $$ cuz I need sober friends.
Aside from that, things are about the same. Annoyed at Soc. Security because I promised a lot of creditors they would be paid in full when my back pay came in (which should’ve been the 8th). There’s nothing I can do right now though.
Trying to motivate to clean a little bit more before bed. Motivation has become a bigger problem than ever now. Things just seem so pointless lately 
Anyway I’m going to take some meds and watch one more episode of Citadel. 
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2341 days. Did a little consulting work and rested today. Crushed all the cardboard boxes, so I feel good about that. And payed some bills. Not every day needs to have excitement and fireworks. We had enough days like that when we were drinking, no?
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Thanks @JazzyS I DO need to work on my sleep hygiene. Staying off my phone and getting back to meditating would be helpful for sure.
Day 43 here. I gotta remember to not be so hard on myself. I’ve been overly critical of myself for not getting more done. But in reality, I’m just over 6 weeks sober, I’ve been walking every day, seeing my counselor, tracking my diet… Lots of positives to remember.
I want to have a yard sale soonish. So, I set this unrealistic goal of sorting through a bunch of memorabilia today and finishing with it. NOPE, I got really triggered and emotional after going through just one box. At first, I felt like a loser/failure (my go-to reaction). But, I realized that beating myself up wasn’t going to help anything. So, instead, I’m trying to just be kind to myself. At least I got through ONE box of old memories. It’s small, but it’s still a victory. 
Glad to be going to bed tonight sober. 
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Have you looked into BREZTRI? Ive heard this may be a useful medication for copd.
I do hope you are able to get out safely with hiking /camping and such. Fresh air and mother nature would be helpful imo but do so safely.
Hows citadel? I saw that it was a weekly episode so an waiting for it to end before starting.
Hope you get a good night sleep. 
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Oh my goodness love - yes!!! Be kind to yourself. You already have all the answers but sometimes you need them reinstated!! You are accomplishing so much in early sobriety…dont set unrealistic goals which will make you upset with yourself.
Going through old memories even when they arent triggering and emotional would take me forever to sort thru— you are doing great my friend! Keep up the amazing work 
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Just looked into that inhaler. Never heard of it, but I’ll ask the doc. I think I can find some outside activity; they do have trips for the blind or people in wheelchairs.
Citadel is really cool, but I don’t get that upside down thing they do with the camera. 
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Thanks once again! You’re so kind 
! I know, I know…I’m so much gentler on others and so demanding of myself. I’m trying to change that, but it’s not easy. Thanks for the support and the reminder. It’s so helpful to hear from someone on the outside.
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Holy cow!!! Congrats to you!
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Day 120.
This week, I’ve been all over the place mentally. I spent most of my time hiding indoors because I’m terrified of relapsing. No, there are no cravings or thoughts of I can drink now. Just intrusive thoughts like, If I dare have any fun, then I’ll fuck it all up again. My brain hates me. To be fair though, I’m not it’s biggest fan either.
Anyway… Today I turned 4 months sober. That’s huge.
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1000 days for you! Wow! 
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Great job Amy.
Protecting your sober date at all cost at 4 months is great! This shit is hard. You won’t have to hide the rest of your life. But if that’s what it takes to stay sober today. Then you’re worth it.
One thing about COVID as horrible as it was/is I was never tempted going out. Isolating and staying in actually helped me to stay sober. Keep up the great work.
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It is huge! Congratulations! 
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Congratulations for the 4 months milestone @Amy30
@CATMANCAM good of you to turn on the camera!
#Day 1698 
Mothersday today and that make me miss mine 
So I light a candle for her. I kept some of her ashes in a piece of petrified wood.
I think she is proud of me.
She never knew about my drinking problem, she already has passed away before it got out of hand. Miss her for 17 years now. I am on the same age as her when she got cancer for the first time. I count my blessings
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Today is my 43rd birthday at just under 9 months AF, mixed feelings but proud im here still sober so im spending this morning with my daughter and dog then off out with some friends later for a Sunday lunch, hope everyone is well xx
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Checking in, good busy day. Got a long work week ahead of me. I’m taking it 1day at a time.
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Happy Birthday sober Kelly.
Birthdays sober are the best. Especially the way you’re gonna feel tomorrow. Who knew? Congrats on the almost 9 months.
Enjoy today.
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Thank you so much Eric 
xx
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Had to read this once again this morning Franzi! And marked it.
Thank you!
Figuring out the difference between making some effort and giving up fighting.
We can’t fight forever, but we can make some efforts forever, like in new training goals or learning new skills. (maybe not job oriented… I want to focus on learning things for life)
By the way…
Checking in, sober
Still struggling
Still thinking I need some more time
… But I need skills and effort
Much love 
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Day 410 
I’m still wrestling with cravings. I don’t know why they are so strong lately. I know nothing good comes from my drinking, I know how depressed and terrible it makes me feel. I know how much money I waste, and time I waste when I drink. And lately, the thoughts of enjoying a drink have been creeping in.
I’ve seen booze come and go so many times and how much better my life is without it, but still my brain is playing tricks on me. And I know how my drinking goes, once off turns into a deep spiral of relapse. Just vocalzing the cravings, trying to seperate myself from it. It’s tough guys. I think I’m just really exhausted lately.
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