Mid day checkin. Went to the hospital and got an epidural shot in the back of my neck. Somewhat painful but tolerable considering the already existing pain. Instant relief down to a very tolerable level. Hoping that it sticks and stays good.
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Day 6
Job interview tomorrow!!!
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Day 
It is very important post for my sobriety journey.
So I lost it again after, but I understand exact mistakes I made and gain some inner wisdom over it.
First of all - MISTAKE - I made / I was too comfident with my last attempt with non alcoholic beer and cigar as I did with my long time non seen friend about a week ago / but the difference was - it did not worked this time. I wanted more than non-alcoholic beer and I was finally done. That ended in long lasting binge over all weekend.
Then I did not drinked, I decided to have few more beers more and just to pay attention to what it really changes.
Here is the deal.
I totally feel no difference on how I felt before. I just want a drink and the feeling gots stronger!
Ok ?
Instead on when I go into sobriety and I do not drink the feeling gets weaker and weakerā¦
But when I drink nothing changes - instead it get stronger and stronger.
Anything to learn here ?
NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK - IDIOT - (yeah you zzz I am talking you!!!) THIS IS A REMINDER FOR MYSELF. You will just want more and more the next day and thatās it. Wellp maybe some blood pressure goes up and adrenalline goes up for a hour or two but thatās nothing what a good run or workout or strong tea or sauna can do without the f*** side effects and addictions that is ruining life - plus the health benefits of not using and changing it into good habbits 
A BEST REMINDER FOR MYSELF. IN MY FACE 
Have a good one people!
I will be off for about a week. No worries 
Iāll be back 
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Today its Norways Constitution Day. I spendt it for 2nd time sober. Im so happy for being sober and present. I battle other demons inside me, and drinking would just made it worse and I would not been there with my kids the same way.
Hipp hipp heisann Hurra 
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Thanks Rosa. You moving soon? If so, hope all goes well
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@Juli1 My goodness that is intense training but understandably so ā glad you are kicking ass in it! 
@maxwell So gald that you are at 79 days and so glad that you are not trying to give up sugar at the same time especially if it is helping you stay calm. So glad you are refusing to beat yourself up ā give yourself a huge hug for that alone! We are here for you! Hopefully your doctor will be back soon so that you can discuss adjusting the meds!
I love everything about this paragraph ā you are your best advocate and your best friend. 
@cueball8n9 so glad that the shot was able to provide you with some relief ā I do hope it stays that way for a while also
@noshame woot woot!!! Thatās awesome ā sending you the best of luck!
@zzz welcome back ā you were missed and Iām sorry that you slipped but great that you were able to analyze it in depth. I do hope that this inner wisdom helps keep you on the sober track.
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Thanks! I have a good amount of time for my moving process and we donāt have it all figured out yet but it will go as well as it can! Iāve moved so many times it kind of feels like second nature.
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Day 3. Been relatively easy so far, considering Iām dieting at the same time. Disappointed I bought cigarettes after weeks of vaping but itās a lot all at once I guess. Terrified Iāll give in at the weekend.
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Day 77,
The problematic roommate finally moved out! I was nearing my patience and the atmosphere in the apartment was horrible while he was still here. Our relationship took a nosedive after our dispute because he never apologized and tried to sweep his actions and words under the rug because he was high. He stopped doing all of the chores, got drunk almost everyday, left wine bottles everywhere in the fridge, and I had zero time for him or his excuses.
New roommate moved in two days ago and itās such a breath of fresh air. Sheās soberish (only smokes weed), sheās a counselor, yoga instructor, vegan, and a doula. Iāve known of her and her work for a while now and she was recommended to me by my good friend. She did a deep clean of the bathroom today, replaced the shower head and de-caulked the shower!
The ex roommate left some of his stuff here and I told my other roommate who is still on speaking terms with him to tell him that Iām telling him to come and pick up his shit because it canāt stay here. And today he came and took his stuff out, including the stupid half broken vacuum cleaner he wanted to gift us. I do not want that rickety shit, I purchased a new vacuum for the apartment last week. BYE 
Hope yāall are having a sober and blessed day
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Yes way to go!!! I know how hard uv been looking for work and im glad that u have this interview. Is it for a job u want?
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Checking in. Day 222
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Day 11. Iām allowing other peopleās problems and moods stress me the fuck out. Iām struggling to let go and protect my peace. Itās triggering major anxiety and cravings. Heās staying with me for now and has no where else to go so donāt want to kick him to the streets. We need to talk but not while heās in such a bad mood. Heās not directing things at me and it no way abusive. Itās just stressful.
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Heyy
Your a great support for me here
Your always saying hello and friendly to me
I want to thank you for that
Itās going to be tough
Itās at a pizza place
Itās not my ideal job but I really need work
Working also supports my sobriety
No way do I want to be high or drunk working and itās a good distraction for me also
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@TrustyBird ill hang with you in the blanket fort!
@Butterflymoonwoman im always inspired by your commitment to recovery activities.
@zzz great reflection and post!!
@liminal.rehab glad that the problematic roommate has left and now you can find greater peace in your home space 
I had a lot of resentments today, soā¦ I did a meditation specifically on resentments and it helped SO much (so did the anger meditation I did on Monday or whatever day that was). I wish Iād found meditation sooner.
Other updates:
- stressful mother in law situation. She has had multiple panic attacks thinking she is dying, sheās been to the ER or urgent care several times in as many days. She has anxiety medication but we arenāt sure if sheās taking it. My wife has had to leave work twice this week to go deal with things. I feel so bad for the pain theyāre both going through and Iām also anxious for this to resolve in some way because this is not a sustainable situation. I have opinions on what we should do but ultimately I have zero control over the situation.
- completed step one with sponsor and now onto step 2. Iām realizing that I cling to my resentments and victimhood as if theyāre a comfort to meā¦ very sick and big reason for drinking. I have a lot of work to do on this.
- realizing that I may have multiple careers still in my life (necessitated possibly by AI
) and so I donāt need to so closely identify with my current job. - felt overwhelmed by my addiction and recovery program so I backed up and said hey. Just worry about today. One day at a timeā¦.
- still feeling intensely lonely but at least Iām recognizing it now instead of numbing it or pushing it away.
Feel like Iāve been rambling, grateful for all of you 
19 (almost 20) days AF!
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Lets hope for the best!!
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Sounds very stressful. Hang in there. Odaat remember!
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@Catmama23 @mx_elle @JazzyS
Just knowing that you guys would hang in the blanket fort with me has drastically improved my mood. If no one has told you yet today let me be the first, you are all lovely humans. 
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@KarenKW im sorry you are feeling stressed in your own home - safe space. Eventhough you need to live together for now - is it possible to create boundaries so that you arent triggered. You are doing well holding onto your sobriety- just keep the healthy reminder that drinking will only make matters worse - it is not the answer.
@Catmama23 sorry you are dealung with a un well mother in law. Super proud at how far youve come in how you are growing and how you are handling stressful situations. Just so happy for you!
@liminal.rehab wiw- i had no idea about the toxic roommate- so glad he is gone and your new roomate sounds ideal. Love how all things in and out of your space are being cleansed. 
@TrustyBird you too are an amazing human beingā:heart:. How did your day go? I did find your couch very inviting and cozy 
Checking in Wednesday evening
Been a whirlwind of emotions from the get go. I did find peace through meditation and prayer and am much calmer now. I tend to really lean on this site for support when im down - thank you all for being here and being so awesome. We are all in this fight for self improvement together- grateful to be in this journey with you!!!
Sober now and will remain this way tonight 
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Iām 1/3 of the way through a long work shift today and my mood is good. I like my work. Honestly just admitting my sadness to all you fine folks was probably half the battle to feeling better. Iāll keep the blankets ready for the next episode but I am feeling a lot sunnier.
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Oh Emilie thats fantastic to hear. Have a wonderful day 
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