Welcome to the site @AnnaE and congratulations on your 44 days!
Congratulations on your week @Juli1
That’s great!
@icebear Congratulations on your milestone this past week! Sorry you were feeling so uncomfortable.
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Day 86 checking in 
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Ask him is he alright and stare into his eyes make them feel uncomfortable and they will eventually back off cause of the awkward situation,tried and tested a few times 
keep up the good work with soberity
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Checking in, almost made 50 days but then had a drink with a meal out. That turned into buying a bottle and another glass of wine at home. Then, the following day (yesterday) thinking I may as finish the bottle that night. I am never a blackout drunk, just as soon as I do this I go into the cycle of daily drinking. I know already that I am going to want a drink later. I can’t do this on willpower alone so need strategies. I really want this to be the last Day 1.
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I have to go trough it because I have to work. But I think it doesn’t hit my city as bad as Amsterdam.
Last storm a window broke overhere, so I hope everything is in order when I come home after work 
Enjoy your day off Menno, it’s an excellent day for a good book and Luna besides you.
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Nobody does it on willpower (alone) or it’d be a sorry existence. You need to invest Jenny. And find strategies that work for you (like you say). Face to face support groups? Quit lit? Podcasts? Have you seen and read this thread?:
We need knowledge. Knowledge is power. As well as support from our peers or maybe even professionals too. Take care x
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Thanks so much, was just looking for that thread. Agree completely, I don’t think I was really ready before, just winging it. I have been quite reluctant as AA isn’t for me, or face to face support, but there are other ways and I need to look into it properly. Think I have been kicking the can down the road a bit. Thank you again x
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Morning,
Checking in on day 472, feeling strong. Going on holiday tomorrow for 2 weeks, not worried about drinking, I don’t drink.
@JennyH, I used to listen to Recovery Elevator when I took the dog a walk on my own and read quit lit (not on the dog walk!) Just a daily drip of support really helped. 50 days is great 
keep on going.
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Thanks so much, that sounds like just the kind of thing. Have just signed up for This Naked Mind.
Massive congratulations on Day 472 and what a lovely way to approach your holiday. Hope you have a great time!
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Happy birthday!! 
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Yahoo, let’s go, already one week! I’m really proud of you. 
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Stay safe please.
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I’m sorry you relapsed Jenny, but I’m happy you’re back and making yourself accountable. There is no room for guilt and shame on our sober journeys, we just to have to get back on the horse and ensure we put methods in place to prevent us from drinking again. You know about your sober toolbox. The important thing is that you figure out why you relapsed - how did it happen? The reason why you relapse is very important, because you’re likely to face this problem again. You have to be ready for combat when that happens.
You say you don’t want any more day 1’s, well then, make it so. Right now, commit to saying NO to alcohol today. Your strength and confidence will return as you keep saying NO. You just need to keep saying that.
You’ve learned a lesson many of us figure out the hard way. We can’t drink in moderation. No we can’t ‘drink like everyone’ else, and ‘one drink won’t hurt’ is a lie alcoholics tell themselves to justify their return to drinking. We are addicts, our drinking is, and always will be disordered.
You have some hard work to do, but you’re very capable, you’ve done it before. We are here in your corner, just stay accountable
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Day 1058
I had a nice meeting with new sponsor. She has 10 years sober and gave me some things to ponder on today.
One was making a list of my key values, just a few, to keep it simple, and then checking each day to see if I am aligning with them. It was interesting because I sometimes feel bad about doing things (or more usually not doing things) but actually they are not that important to me. I just think they should be.
Second was “Self-esteem comes from esteemable acts” which hit me hard. I have been struggling the past few months really, kinda holing myself up (physically and mentally) and just feeling quite bad about myself and not doing much other than what I have to. If I want to feel better, gotta get out and do stuff to make me feel better. That’s the 12th step I guess.
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Day 172.
Anxiety is seriously kicking my arse here. I eat too much, I sleep too much, I’m in a state of panic over work.
I’m actually loving my new gig. It’s easy, fun and flexible. It’s exactly what I needed. But there’s this little raspy voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m gonna just fuck this up. Like I fucked everything else up.
I’m also moving on from the island on Saturday, so that’s bringing me down a little too.
I feel like a fraud. Maybe I am. I don’t know… I’m just a bit… off today.
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11 days clean from self-harm.
8 months 24 days clean from alcohol.
1 day clean from binge.
5 days clean from purge.
1 day clean from taurine.
4 months 3 days clean from weed.
1 year 5 months clean from benzene.
3 months 19 days clean from hypnotics.
17 days being less amout of sugar.
I had psychosis tonight. I saw some bone skinny black shadow with creepy long fingers. It stared at me. It made me a lot cry. Stas, my voice or even a person in my head, tried to calm me down. He lately a lot helps me. That’s sweet of him.
I think psychosis caused me mainly severe anxiety from losing my boyfriend. We argued few days. Now he doesn’t talk to me at all. He seems… To be each day far and far from me. I don’t like it. Mainly because I have feeling he lost feelings for me or find someone else. I don’t know what to do. Is it okay with this after arguing? Am I just taking everything too close? Am I again being a lot delusional?
At morning I already cried. I’m feeling really down. Trying to find some energy and strength to talk about this all with my boyfriend, but I don’t want to hurt him or way worse, lose him.
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Thanks so much for replying. It has taken way too long for me to accept that I can’t moderate, and think that has been my main challenge. Even when I have had a good number of days, I was still bargaining with myself that maybe on “special” occasions. I am sad to have lost my days but equally maybe it was the shock I needed.
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Day 
Sk dff jdjdndmsmsk kdkdmddm ksksmsk kdkdkd and kdmdmd mdndn is mskskskkssk that.
Dkdkdmekdkdk kdkdkdkdkdkdk kskskssksk jsksjsjsjsj
ksksksksksksksks jdksjsksks jdjsjsjsjssj jsjsjjsjwiwid ndjxjsne jaoansnsk.
It does not really matter what I will say. I can tell anything, but if I still drink than it does not really working.
Have a good one 
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How well do I know this voice. We’re making it smaller and less important all the time by the work we do on ourselves. One day at a time. I doubt we’ll ever make it totally disappear, it’s so much a part of us. But we can force it back ever more. By keeping going. By doing stuff that’s good for us. And by surviving through days like this, when we feel like a fraud (lies!) or when we’re off. Keep going Amy. Together we got this 
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Thanks you Menno, it is that incredibly annoying nagging voice not letting me fully breathe and enjoy.
In the real world, I’m ok and doing things I’ve been wanting to do for years, maybe a decade. Now I’m actually living the life I want and doing the things that make me truly happy, that goddam parasitical voice is like, ‘Nah fam, this ain’t you. Go get some wine. Doesn’t a cheeky line sound like a good idea?!’
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