not sure what you meant by bling bling, but people express them selves very differently. Learns in very different ways / Finds in very different way. See / Percept / Feel / There are artistic ones / creative ones / or shy ones / silent ones. People tend to react or resonate with a different shapes that is not vibrating from their inside. You said / added layer / why is it that way ? Added ? Maybe it is just ((( it’s there ))) .
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Thanks Billy! Appreciate you saying so.
Have a wonderful time relaxing and reflecting with Ky by the lake - sounds absolutely perfect. Thank you for the positive vibes my friend!
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I am an older person also who just got her license!! Not weird just different LOL…but i feel weird about it too 
You go girl!
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Hello everyone, I think I am day 6 today. Interestong how I am not sure how I feel about the tracker, but at the same time I appreciate seeing other people putting their time together.
I just had some triggering conversations, so I wanted to post here. They were not bad, of course sad and I just revealed to a woman in our community that my sister was murdered. I am not ashamed of this, and I know that some people do know becayse my nephew went to scjool where the staff are aware but i have not told anyone in a social situation. Her son also has a MH challenge, and we were discussing frustrations with the system here and how challenging it is for parenrs/guardians to get the proper help and how they are very much responsibilized for the care of the child - yet cannot find and/or afford services needed.
Revealing details to people is being vulnerable, and I do not consider myself someone who keeps secrets but I am a private person. I am sure I do have a level of trust issues, done quite a bit of work there but someone who I did love at some point and who I called my brother-in-law murdered my sister and well, I know thats gonna leave a mark. Also talking about things that frustrate me around my nephews care and the lack of support for a chuld with his level of need and his experience also triggers me, becayse I have had to fight tooth and nail for help we have recieved. I do not want to be in resentment or for it to undo me & this wad where reading about how justifiable anger isnt for us alcoholics didnt stick with me at this point in my life: I do not want it to consume me, but with all due respect I believe its important for me to feel my anger and grow through it, and use it and then continue to process it before I just…I dont know. I do not want to be in self-pity, but I have to be sad. An interesting balance there too.
Anyway, I know I get triggered by this emotional feeling in me so I wanted to write it out for you all. I dont feel like drinking right when or after I get triggered, but somewhere within the 24 hours. Going to sit with my anger, the feeling in my stomach and try to see what is under there…maybe get in touch with that. I know shes a sobbing mess.
The sun is shining, making water melon juice & pasta for suppper to have ready before I go get the kods so we can go to the beach for a bit. Want to be a good mom, good wife & good to me. Its ikportant for me to appreciate my children, and husband and not fall into them to ignore myself. I have to be me, find me and learn to love all the parts of me. Xo. Another 24 lets do this xo.
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Thank you so much @JazzyS and everyone who has taken the time to answer.
I do have a plan in place. We recently joined the gym which is going well, and I just did the first run on couch to 5k. I am a little nervous as my chronic fatigue syndrome could mean a crash but think I have paced successfully. Feeling so proud of myself right now that I can’t spoil this feeling with a drink. I haven’t run in probably 25 years!
Now going to spend the rest of the evening reading some of the suggested links etc.
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Thank you for saying that, Jasmine. I think I need to chill and stop worrying about everything. Easier said than done, of course. 
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I think I did 4 months the first time I slipped. I guess it just focussed me to see I didn’t want to keep drinking. I hate drunk me. Focus on what you do and don’t want to be and keep going. 
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Day 7
Evening checkin.
Back home from evening activitiy (2650 m swim 
) without buying booze on my way back home!
There was this little voice hammering…
I can handle it… it would be fun… ha come on…
First time since one week, but I shout out loud in my car:
FUCK ALCOHOL 
… and drove streight home!
Much love 
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Happy birthday friend! Hope your day is amazing!!!
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Oh Love — first of all i just want to hug you and send so much love and comfort your way! 
i had picked up on your sister having passed on but never would have imagined the circumstances. I am so very sorry for all that you’ve had to process. I’m sure its all the emotions all at once and then having to take on your nephew and work on your sobriety… everything piling on can become a bit much. I do hope that you find time to take care of you. Knowing that alcohol would never be the easy way out and would only make your life harder to deal with.
Are you currently seeing a therapist? This may be good for both you and your nephew after all the trauma that you’ve experienced.
We are right here for you my lovely friend - talk to us if you need to vent it out or just need a distraction. Much love for you and for your inner child - sending you a virtual hug!
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Checking in. Day 271
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I meant how we present ourselves on social media, IG, Facebook, Tiktok or whatever. Irl there are no such layers and when we rush from one train to the next we are who we are. I like this.
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Checking in! Return to work sucked! The last two days have been extremely busy, and there has been no way of catching up on all my work behind from my holidays… Feeling bla all over, I also skipped the gym today. Once I got home from work, I made a 45 minute siesta at 6:30 pm! Very much not my style, but I was tired! I hope I can sleep well tonight, it’s getting too hot by now! 
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Oh thay point. You’re very right
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Just doing a second check in, kinda being down on myself. Called mhab to see about moving in the 15th, she said my county won’t pay the security deposit… So now I have to come up with 500 dollars that I absolutely don’t have any can’t get help with…plus she said I need proof that I’m gonna pay the other half of the rent that my county won’t pay, and that just stating im going to use my p.a isn’t enough. So idk I just feel stupid, my counselor told me to email my college admissions and ask them about off campus student housing and I just don’t even know like how to type it out, I feel like I need help with anything and I’m this big 33 year old fricken baby and like I’m never gonna grow the fuck up. Plus im trying to figure out how to get to my placement test and it’s just all confusing and frustrating. Im fucking trying tho, this is life tho I gotta get it figured out.
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@GenG welcome back 
congrats on 3 days 
sending strength 🩵
@Mno oh my goodness! Stay safe 
@AnnaE welcome congrats on 44 days
@Juli1 congrats on your week
@JennyH welcome back
@PinkyP have a nice sober holiday 
@Amy30 sending strength 🩵
@Mischa84 congrats on passing your theory 
@mx_elle happy sober 40th birthday 
@Billy85 congrats on 5 months sending strength 🩵
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@JazzyS thank you 🩵
@Lisa07 thank you 🩵 happy birthday for the 7th
@Misokatsu thank you 🩵
@anon74766472 thank you 🩵 yes, it’s making a big difference to be busy
@Alisa thank you 🩵
@nastya_is_fighting thank you 🩵 I’m sorry your bf has gone silent on you, especially whilst you are struggling, but I’m glad you’re hear talking to us about things, and I’m glad that Stas is a kind alter. 🩵
@zzz welcome back
@anon53116147 I’m so sorry that all these hurdles keep coming up, I hope you can get support and to keep doing the next right thing. Sending strength 🩵
1059 days no alcohol.
524 days no cocaine.
39 days no vape.
3 days no binge-eating.
I did wake up early, but my brain needed more sleep, so I set some later alarms…then woke up 30mins before the course started. I got ready quickly and booked a taxi, was only a few mins late, and I was the only student who turned up, so we got through the content quite quickly.
Lunch break was nice, I ate a real food lunch and got a Starbucks. Ate outside. I had over an hour so it was some good down time.
The second course this afternoon was good too. Its called My Voice, My Words, My Story. Its about telling our life/mental health/recovery stories in a positive light. We have 10mins each next week to share our stories with the group, so I’ve got a week to prepare something and my gosh I’ve got no idea how to tell my story, I can barely construct a sentence in front of people! I don’t know where to start, what to include/focus on, or what to leave out.
Tomorrow is a full day again. I have the first in-person Good Mood Café, that I am attending with the support worker, I am absolutely terrified, I don’t know how to make conversation, I don’t know who’s going to be there, it’s a brand new experience for me.
Then I have an online course in the afternoon, and another in the evening. Interested and calm about those, I just hope there’s not background noise from certain people not muting themselves.
🩵
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Sorry for your loss. Even if you haven’t been close to her, if will take time to reflect and heal. Wishing you all the best and I hope that you’ll have someone to talk to in times of need. Take care 
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This topic was automatically closed after reaching the maximum limit of 2500 replies. Continue discussion at Checking in daily to maintain focus #55 (Part 27).
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