So sorry that the new meds affected ypu do badly. I do hope that the drive and hike help you today! 
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Iām sorry you had horrible nightmares. That happens to me if I take melatonin. They can cause such an emotional disruption. Hope some time in nature is soothing.
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Day 9: No credit card use. I just payed off my monthly balance on all of my CCs and I feel absolutely no urge to use them when the money gets put on. Iāve got a good feeling about this!
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For the sake personal accountability I didnāt oversnack last night and this morning the scale reflected it. Successful Day 1 not binge eating at night. I guess I will check in each day to help thisā¦
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You are right. That was bad idea, I no longer support it. I will come back to meetings and also will try to speak with locals about Recovery options. Maybe I have experience in life, but in sobriety, I have total of 0 zero to put on a table. At least I start to listen. After so many years of deafness. Thank You.
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Last day being in little house.
Again vent. Tw for flashbacks, sexual abuse and addictions.
Uhm, did I tell you I took with myself my album of old photos? If no, then yeah, I took it with myself to look at my photos of me being small. At first I felt really happy and nostalgic. I smiled. Canāt believe Iām now young adult.
But my smile fell down, when I found in that album document from police about my ex boyfriend, who almost raped me.
I donāt know why, but I readed what there was written. āHad friends, after event they lost friends, was closed in themselves, currently a lot addicted to avoid pain, likes drawing and libraries, it seems they have depression and other mental disorders, diagnosed ptsd due to eventā
ā¦
I got really bad flashbacks. One side is when you rememeber what happenedā¦ But another side is when itās written by someone elseā¦ My brain canāt normally accept that this happened to me, that I was really in that bad situation. My brain can only accept that it was just really bad nightmareā¦
I donāt know why that document is in that album. I already wrote to my boyfriend about it. He calmed me down. He told me he waits for me at home, that he ended in filming earlier. Canāt wait when I will be in his hugs. I feel there safeā¦
I donāt know how to feel after that all. I have mixed feelings. My day by it was absolutely ruined.
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Day 271
I had an overall okay day. The only thing that made me sad is the fact that people on social media are often cowards who hide themselves in the anonymity of the www.
A coworker said that people are making fun of those who died in the submarine that imploded near the Titanic.
How tf can someone find anything about that funny?
Work is hard, only 6 more days and then 3 weeks off 
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
Edit:
I often see ppl on here who stop taking their DOC and immediately go full speed with other things too: stop eating sugar, start exercising 3x/week, stop this and that, start this and thatā¦
Guys, donāt rush 
Stop the drug and then, when youāre stable with this, start the next step, and the next.
Just my 2 Cents
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Day 1
Unexpected Twist.
So Wednesday, I hit a rock bottom. After all that cleansing, fasting I totally drowned myself under alcohol. I donāt know it was something like 12 beers and something stronger on the top. I was escorted by security twice. I have blood and scar on my knee and bruised everywhere. Have some bruises on my forehead too. I probably felt down somewhere. I do not remember anything, I lost my phone. Someone called today said they found my phone on the street. Whole bath is puked all over the place. In kitchen I found wet shorts. I have no idea what happened. Also I blacked out badly and had some kind of āāwhite horsesāā'. I was yelling like obsessed at home even my neighbor came to calm me down. Said I had that empty eyes on me and was looking like obsessed. I skipped work today.
So it is a second time I become totally without control. Last time when I was in similar condition I almost killed myself and was left with one handicapped hand. This is serious. I can totally end up with fatal results the next time. I am afraid to drink anymore. Literally it scares me now.
Maybe that is good at some point.
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Two days are already something very good! Iām proud of you. 
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Ah, Iām really sorry for this. Sending big hugs. Did you aftercare yourself, so no infection is in your bruises and scars?
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Yes just put some medicine on it. I feel thankful that nothing bad happened. Really lucky this time. I need to stop playing with luck.
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Thatās good. Please be careful next time. 
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Checking in on day 142 sober.
Tomorrow is the last day of work. This week has been tough. Everyone is meeting every day at the local bar and the company is paying each dayā¦.
I have avoided the bar each day and drove home.
Still sober.
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Checking in day 1
Simply staying sober.
Protein cookies are waiting for me at home if I want a treat.
I cried a lot, but now I feel a bit like ācleanedā.
Take care 
I reseted my no online shopping counter yesterdayā¦ Take away some stress again for a few months. (despite something is broken and needs to be replaced and itās easier to get it online). Not sure yet what is about the toxic relationships counter, as i feel unsafe with one of my contacts. This is one of my wishes. Safe contacts. Loyalty. I put some fine book about love out of my Sideboard.
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Thinking of you! 
Sending strength 
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Great plan you got there CB.
Congratulations on the 142.
Youāve come a long way.
Proud of you.
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You are a beautiful soul and you deserve an alcohol free life 
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Sending you strength. You got this. Youāve been a source of inspiration to me since I joined this app four months ago. Big hugs.
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Checking in on day 5
Yesterday I was all proud of my 8-hour sleep, and last night just sucked! I woke up twice, and the second time at 4:00 am it took me 45 min to fall back to sleepā¦ 
Despite that I wasnāt too tired, did my 10K walk, and 2,5 hours at the pool! I could add two more weeks of holidays!! 
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Checking in. Day 265
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