11 months, start of Day 336. Um, Wow. Lol Sometimes it doesn’t seem plausible that this is my reality now. Alcohol has only been on my mind lately in the sense that I’m coming up on 1 year AF or if I think about my last time or times drunk.
A quote that I used to fall back on a lot when I was still drinking popped into my mind the other day. “Your new life is going to cost your old one.” I think I had a lot of fear about stopping drinking and that quote created some fear in me as well although I knew that it held some truth. Honestly, my “new life” has not cost me anything. I have only gained in practically every way. I also don’t look at it as my new life. I have just finally started to come back to myself and can be who I was always meant to be.
I definitely still have more work to do. My growth was stunted for years between the ED and Alcohol. I see that now. I was taking baby steps but now it feels like giant steps.
Im feeling so raw today and have been having anxiety since acknowledging the trauma aspect of my life.
I know that opening/working on a 4th can make you feel raw, so can putring yourself out there (which I am trying to do on here). I have had coping mechanisms over the past year and a half that I am finally saying: these are not working and acknolwedging what they are protecting/harm they are doing. My nephew is also moving from our house and tbat is a really painful reality that I cannot touch the pain around (below the surface of the water like I have said in other posts)
Just raw. Anxiety in my belly. Taking deep breaths, putting myself out here and going to see my best friend today. I am twrrified of drinking again. Terrified of the trauma. Terrified of tbe fact that my sister is gone and facong that pain. Terrified of fucking up my daughters life. Terrified of losing everything I have. Terrified that the universe is against me. Im sorry that isnt more uplifting and if I am sharing all over the place. I hope this community sees me grow and change and that one day looking back, i will be like wow i am so glad im not in tbat place anymore but also understand the importance of the place I am in today and how I grpw through it.
Wishing everyone another 24. And if youre feeling a bit shit today too, I got you!!! Lets just not drink today and keep on. Im here for it. Thanks for being here and letting me let go of this stuff i am holding on so tight to.
I am too! I am seeing some positive changing thru your posts. ODAAT. It’s INCREDIBLY hard to change our negative mindset. Wow! But putting in the work to change it is oh so worth it and worth every effort!
I still see my therapist quarterly after 13 years of treatment. She is spiritually attuned as well, and I really need her as one of my anchors in life.
Thank you. There is a sense of relief to finally get past this hurdle in my life; to uncover a path that works for me. It is freedom. And it’s worth it.
This was me. Every damned week in my last job. Sunday scaries hit Saturday night. No need to catastrophize next week. No idea what will happen. Out of your control. Stay in the today. The present is a gift.
Hey gal! Make sure to take it easy on yourself. Have some compassion for the wounded girl you are brave enough to care for. Step 4 can be very triggering for people. I’m 2+ years sober and am just now ready to do an inventory. Step 3 took time and experiential learning.
Checking in on day 7
My holidays are slowly coming to an end… it’s funny because usually I’m terrified of being home one week, without knowing what to do with myself. This week I’ve kept busy, and I don’t want them to end! This morning I went to an outdoor museum which I wanted to go to for a long time, but they close on my days off, so I had never been so far. This time I managed to get my ass out there. It’s a bit of a bumpy ride, it’s right next to the sea, in the middle of nowhere, but it was certainly worth it. Tonight I’m going for dinner with a friend, she rarely drinks, so that’s no hazard to my sobriety! My cat Moka has been acting strange since this morning, not sure what’s wrong with him, but you can tell he’s not 100% himself. If it doesn’t get better by Monday, I’ll take him to the vet.
Appreciate it. I know from past experience the inventory aspect is just…so profound. It rocketed me as they say, and keeping up with step 10 has been a lifelong journey.
I wish you nothing but the best on yours and appreciate your responses. I am VERY hard on myself, and people keep trying to remind me that going through what i am going through not manybpeople could handle that and keep everything together. I jusy want so badly to heal, to be back inbthat space where alcohol is not a thought and to be the best mom and wife I can be; and to continue to take care of my nephew. The parts of me are so wounded, and I have to take care of me and appreciate the community members who are reaching out and sharing their stories of hope. I could just cry, somethingbthat has been hard for me to do this past 18 months. Have to find mh tears, and yet I am afraid fo the pain.
Day 1700.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I can share it with you.
I have had a mixed day, lots of different feelings. Thinking back sometimes how I would have cured them some years ago. Never changed anything.
I am happy that I can sleep in my own bed for some days and that I got here right in time when I cooled down.
Checking in Day 503
Today i am working. Work hasnt been too bad. I had a rough time getting to sleep last night tho, so i am feeling tired today. My husband is wanting to give quitting smoking another try. He mentioned wanting to get Allen Carr’s stop smoking book, so i ordered that for him today. Hope it helps. Not much else to really report i guess. Hope everyone has a great addiction free day!
@catmancam Taking yourself out to a movie is a great treat for your bday celebration! I’m so sorry that your depression was feeling so suffocating. I do hope that you are feeling better today my friend.
WOW – I love getting the outside perspective into our lives. Just like it’s easier to believe all the bad shit rather than take a compliment it is so easy to focus on what we aren’t doing than all that we are accomplishing. You are a superstar! Battling so much with your ongoing depression and fatigue and still showing up for yourself – still staying sober! Much love my friend. @catmama23 Hell yeah – FUCK ALCOHOL. So grateful that you called your sponsor and didn’t get sucked into the addiction. Another day won! @bomdhil so sorry to hear that your other groups don’t offer the same support. Grateful to have you here with us on this journey. I have not tried other platforms but do know that this one is the BOMB – love all the support and love here along with the guidance and appreciate the no judgement as we are all here battling our own demons. Keep up the amazing work. @mischa84 welcome to day 2 – keep working on your sobriety ODAAT – this is the best gift you could give yourself @sunny11 how are you doing today? @mno Grateful for the progress you are making in therapy. I do believe that good therapist knows how to open up one door at a time so to speak so that you are not overwhelmed with all of your past traumas at once. It is a slow process but you know you have a good therapist if you are seeing progress and getting lighter after each session. Wishing you the best in your recovery. Have fun with your family and enjoy the weekend! @zzz I totally understand the need to want to go inwards and not have to explain what is going on inside. Just take care of you! Day 2 is amazing – make sure to get plenty of fluids and rest if possible. You’ve been through a lot recently and your body needs to find a safe space @amy30 GO YOU indeed! The anxiety too will pass like you said. So happy to see your new views on life and sobriety. Grateful that you are with us here and 2 weeks away from your 6 month mark – ½ a year- you are absolutely crushing it.
@timetochange wow – congrats on 7 days! I do hope you are able to find good distractions for the quiet days. Wishing you a healthy sober weekend @mscjean yeah to day 1 and welcome to the dry July club – we can do this and so much more with the support of our peers and our own willpower. I do hope you have a good support system irl and are also making changes to daily routines / adding distractions – doing whatever is necessary to keep on the sobriety path. We are here for you! @sabrina80 Hey girl – congrats on your 9 months of sobriety!!! You are so kicking ass with your 24 hours at a time. @moosetracks congrats on your 300 days my friend !!! killing it – keep up the amazing work! @andrea4 incredible job on your 336 days! Amazing how far you’ve come and love how you are embracing your new healthy lifestyle – yeah you! @mira_d oh im so sorry that you are dealing with so much love. You are on day 2 / 3 now so take your time with working on the steps. I know so many with months of sobriety still working on step 4. Sobriety is not a race. You be gentle and kind to yourself. So much going on around you and all that you are terrified of is being amplified. Your main objective is to stay sober – you are doing an amazing job at this. Keep strong and know we are here for support @jesile congrats on your 1 week of sobriety and glad you are enjoying your time to yourself. Do hope that Moka is well. @anon74766472 wow 1700 days is impressive - keep it up! Hope you are enjoying your time at home.
Checking in on Saturday afternoon
Today marks 20 months of being free of cigarettes. I am shocked at how quickly the time is flying by – how little time I’ve devoted on actually thinking about my addictions (yes, I know I’m an addict and have the occasional urge and am present here talking about my addictions but still – it’s way less than being actively active in my addiction -if that makes sense). I am thrilled that I am not bound by those chains as I am trying to heal myself of whatever this is. Don’t think I would be able to heal or look for a brighter future if my addictions were still holding me down. So I’m grateful for the new me! One Day At A Time – Sending everyone much love – have a lovely addiction free Saturday my beautiful friends…
Yes. Have no possible options here in my country. Cultular thing. One guy talked about his rehab on AA yesterday. He did it secretly on his holidays. Yet I have no holidays (that is another sad story here - again cultural thing I guess). My country has a lot of problems. Also he might loose his job because of this. You can also have problems finding jobs in the future. It is last stop here. I see many stories from other countries, but it is very different here. Similar stuff with mental hospitals too. It is post soviet country and people here ‘‘has no mental problems’’ and there was ‘‘no alcoholism’’. Alcoholism was always a ‘‘normie’’ here (and yet we are TOP5 country by alcoholism and suicides. Mental problems are concidered weakness here.
Don’t worry I will be alright. My mother was at very serious prophet the next day when I was missing without phone for almost whole day, everyone started to think that I might be dead. Exact prophet helped us a lot in the past. Now all my cards are red ones. It will all work out, I just need to find more strength in me and rise my morals even more. I am not afraid of anything. It’s my destiny. I am on my path. Every story is different. Lessons are different. Mine is to find strength in the darkest hours. No Fear. I know I was born to make it.
Sometimes I feel like bleeding, but keep going. I know I will not stop until I am done.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.
This morning I went to an outdoor museum which I wanted to go to for a long time, but they close on my days off, so I had never been so far. This time I managed to get my ass out there. It’s a bit of a bumpy ride, it’s right next to the sea, in the middle of nowhere, but it was certainly worth it. Tonight I’m going for dinner with a friend, she rarely drinks, so that’s no hazard to my sobriety! 
My cat Moka has been acting strange since this morning, not sure what’s wrong with him, but you can tell he’s not 100% himself. If it doesn’t get better by Monday, I’ll take him to the vet.
